Sanctum trailer tries to bad act its way out of a cave

10.28.10 Written by Vince Mancini
Time for your mom's pelvic exam

Time for your mom's pelvic exam

This is the trailer for Sanctum, a 3D movie about a cave-diving expedition gone wrong exec produced by James Cameron.  On an expedition to the largest, least accessible underground cave system in the world, a team of divers that includes a world-famous dive master, his 17-year-old son, a hot chick, and a wealthy financier gets trapped inside the cave by a storm.  They’re forced to find a way out the only way they know how: through horrible expository dialog.

“IF THIS CAVE FLOODS MORE THAN 7 INCHES A DAY, THIS CAVERN IS TOAST!”

“TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW!”

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MISCHA BARTON WILL SHOYNE YA BOOTS, GUV

08.12.09 Written by Vince Mancini

This is a clip from St. Trinian’s School for Girls, opening in select theaters October 2nd, in which Mischa Barton plays P.R. Guru J.J. French, “a PR consultant who sets out to coach the current students in the ways of creating and maintaining celebrity status.” Meanwhile, I could think while watching this was:

Gee, Pa, I cain’t see too good, is that the queen of England over tharrr?

UPDATE: Yeah, so apparently Mischa Barton was actually born in England and moved to the U.S. when she was five. But if that’s an English accent, I’m bob’s your uncle’s bobby lorrie lift, eh blokes?

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CHRIS KLEIN IN STREET FIGHTER > DAVID CARUSO

03.26.09 Written by Vince Mancini

No one saw Street Fighter, because why the hell would you?  Sadly, it seems we may have overlooked one of the most awesomely bad acting performances of all time.  I’ve hinted at this before, but now Pajiba has put together nearly 11 minutes of Chris Klein-as-Charlie-Nash goodness.  Oh God, he can’t even get out of a car believably.  I want this clip inside me. It’s like if David Caruso in his sunglasses and Nic Cage in his bear suit had a baby and taught it to do a Christian Slater impression.

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