The short version of this story is that I paid Eternal Sunshine/Green Hornet director Michel Gondry to draw me a tranny. AND DRAW ME A TRANNY HE DID.

The slightly more detailed version is that back in April, Gondry was offering a promotion through his website, where for $19.95 plus shipping, he would draw your portrait based on a picture provided via email.  So like any rational person would, I paid him the 20 bucks and sent in this picture I found of a naked she-male with a bottle of Hennessy in his butt (only I sent the uncensored version). Then today I received this fetching water color, hand signed by the artist himself.  And you can tell it’s an authentic original, because there’s even paint on the reverse side.  I’m a little sad that Gondry didn’t paint the tranny penis, but I can hardly argue with someone who so beautifully captures the essence of his subject.

(Bay makes Megan Fox wear a special animatronic shirt that allows more cleavage at the press of a button.)

This story sounds bogus, but we’ll get to that later.  First, the fun part. Reports Jason Solomons of the Guardian:

Talking to Megan Fox who was in town for the Transformers 2 premiere, I found her more forthright and intelligent than her performance in the mega-hit would suggest [funny how staring at a girl's tits can so raise your perception of her intelligence -Ed.]. The role demands that she drapes [sic] herself over motorbikes and runs around in a vest. How did she get the part which has made her what lads’ mags call the “hottest girl on the planet?”  She told me she went to director Michael Bay’s house to audition and he made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her. She said she didn’t know what had happened to that footage. When I put it to Bay himself, he looked suitably abashed. “Er, I don’t know where it is either.”

I sat through all eight mintues of Solomon’s interview with Michael Bay (also in video) to see him ask about the Megan Fox story, and it never came up (though Michael Bay does reveal “I was a magician as a child.”).  Secondly, why would she have to “audition” for a sequel?  The only grain of truth I can find in this is that it’s well known in Hollywood circles that Michael Bay does use the phrase “wash my Ferrari” as a euphemism for oral sex (which he prefers to receive in a freshly-washed Ferrari).

According to his website, kooky Eternal Sunshine and the

Michel will personally sketch and sign your portrait based off of the photo that you submit via email. This personalized collectible can also be incorporated onto any item sold through this website. Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. [MichelGondry.com]

I’ve already emailed him my picture (he got the uncensored version).  In 6-8 weeks, this is going to be awesome. (*hums theme to Titanic*)

[thanks to Ufford and this dude for the tips]

It’s being reported today that GEORGE CLOONEY has signed up to star in a GERMAN SCHEISS VIDEO opposite YOUR MOM.  It’s true! I swear, I’m not JUST SAYING THAT because today is APRIL FOOL’S DAY.  *wink wink nudge nudge chicken dance poop on the floor*

GEORGE CLOONEY and YOUR MOM agreed to do a Euro-pooporn for helmer BRETT RATNER over COCKTAILS at the Airport Travelodge the other night, NOT THAT SHE WAS DIFFICULT TO CONVINCE, GNOME SAYIN?

Prexy JERRY BRUCKHEIMER will finance the project through his MONEY I STOLE FROM STUPID PEOPLE shingle.  It begins LENSING at the RESEDA YMCA on May 5th, opposite the JIMENEZ FAMILY CINCO DE MAYO FAJITA EXTRAVAGANZA.

Source = Variety.