A loyal FilmDrunkard who claims to have been dragged to College the movie this weekend posted his review on Wikipedia (screencap at left). I don’t know what he has against Arby’s, but his assessment of the movie was in line with both critics and audiences. College debuted at number 15, earning only $2 million.

Meanwhile, Disaster Movie and Babylon A.D. also opened this weekend, and the three movies combined are tracking 18% on RottenTomatoes. That was mostly a result of College‘s 14% recommended rating (Babylon A.D. was 4%, Disaster Movie 0%), which came from two positive reviews out of 14. Of those two, here’s what the one who also saw Disaster Movie had to say about it:

For the first time, the mere thought of imminent death seemed like a sweet, luxurious respite in comparison to the untold-in-number miseries being endured in that theater. Suddenly I was transformed, no longer afraid of my ultimate fate. For that (and only that), “Disaster Movie” deserves my gratitude.

And the business it did wasn’t any better, earning $5.7 million for seventh place. At this rate, it may not earn back its $20 million dollar budget, so perhaps this will be the last time the world has to suffer an Aaron Seltzer-Jason Friedberg movie. The ball’s in your court now, God.

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It takes about three seconds of the trailer to realize Babylon A.D. is a total disaster.  Still, it’s pretty fun to hear the director himself say so.  Mathieu Kassovitz recently spoke to AMC TV.

"I’m very unhappy with the film," he says. "I never had a chance to do one scene the way it was written or the way I wanted it to be. The script wasn’t respected. Bad producers, bad partners, it was a terrible experience."
"It’s pure violence and stupidity," he admits. "The movie is supposed to teach us that the education of our children will mean the future of our planet. All the action scenes had a goal: They were supposed to be driven by either a metaphysical point of view or experience for the characters… instead parts of the movie are like a bad episode of 24."
"Fox was sending lawyers who were only looking at all the commas and the dots," he says. "They made everything difficult from A to Z." The last stroke, Kassovitz says, was when Fox interfered with the editing of the film, paring it down to a confusing 93 minutes (original reports were that 70 minutes were cut from the film; Kassovitz says the number is closer to 15).
"I should have chosen a studio that has guts," he says. "Fox was just trying to get a PG-13 movie. I’m ready to go to war against them, but I can’t because they don’t give a s–t." 

RopeofSilicon also points out that though Babylon A.D. opens this weekend, Fox has done nothing to promote it nor do they plan to screen it for critics.  They’re also the studio behind such greatest bombs of 2008 as The Happening, The Rocker, Meet Dave, and X-Files 2.  Apparently, at Fox, wasting shitloads of money is job one.  Then again, it would be just like a Frenchman to dream up half-assed excuses for not going to war.  TASTE FREEDOM FRIES, FAGGOT!  *punches bystander* 

^{WATCH THE NEW TRAILER FOR BABYLON A.D. AFTER THE JUMP} 

The new trailer for Vin Diesel’s latest Xtreme thrill ride Babylon A.D. begins with some awesomely brainless exposition (delivered by Vin Diesel, who sounds like he accidentally inhaled a stud belt):

Save the planet… What for?  Life’s simple: kill or be killed.  The Survivor’s Code.  My code.  And it all sounds great until the day you find yourself confronted by a choice…  A choice to make a difference… or to walk away and save yourself.   I learned something that day.  Too bad it was the day I died. 

Hate Vin Diesel all you want, you can’t deny he occupies a unique action movie niche.  Other actors might shoot people, blow stuff up, take their shirts off and act sullen, but only Vin Diesel kills bad guys while riding a snowmobile, or grinding a rail on some rollerblades, or skysurfing.  He stares death in the face and says, “Hey, bro.  Heard the new Linkin Park album?”  And then he punches it in the face!  OO WHA A AA AA!

This is the newest poster and after the jump I’ve got a teaser trailer for Babylon A.D., starring Vin Diesel.

Veteran-turned-mercenary Thoorop takes the high-risk job of escorting a woman from Russia to China. Little does he know that she is host to an organism that a cult wants to harvest in order to produce a genetically modified Messiah.

If anyone guarantees that a movie’s going to be awesome, it’s Vin Diesel.  It’s practically a promise that the hero will kill bad guys set to rap-rock while incorporating the latest extreme sports maneuvers.  This time, it seems there will be snowmobiles (they’re the jetskis of winter). What more could you want out of a movie really?

You can also check it out at the film’s official site if you don’t want to watch 30 seconds of French intro.

Babylon A.D. has been cut from 160 to 90 minutes, a disappointing blow to street-racing novice English speakers all over Riverside County (the 909).

The post-apocalyptic raver flick began production in 2005, with Diesel starring as a mercenary (what else?) escorting a young woman infected with a virus that could wipe out humanity from Russia to New York City (long a refuge for the virally infected). Directed by Mathiue Kassovitz, director of Gothika and Assassins, the film was originally intended as a dark action flick and is now reportedly headed for a PG-13 rating.

An adaptation of Maurice Georges Dantec’s Christian-Futurist novel Babylon Babies, Kassovitz’ working title was "Vin Diesel, Blue-Tinted Sunglasses, and Other Things French People Think are Hard".

[Source]