As everyone knows, Ryan Gosling is a cuddlesome human snuggle pillow made of puppydogs and cupcake sprinkles, and if he ever disappeared from the public eye, Huggalo nation would be devastated (and as a regional Grand Sparklepony of Huggalo Nation, I’m authorized to make such statements). I don’t want to cause widespread panic, but Baby Goose recently told the Times (via IFC):

“I’ve been doing this since I was 12… I don’t want to act much longer; I can’t do one thing my whole life. I know there are only so many characters I’ll be able to play. It will be over whenever the inspiration dries up.”

Adding (via Movieline):

“I’d like to be making babies but I’m not, so I’m making movies. When someone comes along I don’t think I’ll be able to do both and I’m fine with that. I’ll make movies until I make babies. I have no idea when the handover will happen.”

THE HORROR! But it’s nice to know that even if Baby Goose DOES decide to quit movies (and as IFC points out, it would be a while, seeing as he has two more movies with Drive director Nicolas Winding Refn on his plate, including a Bangkok-set action film called “Only God Forgives” and a remake of “Logan’s Run”, not to mention Gangster Squad and another film with Blue Valentine director Derek Cianfrance), it would only be for the sweetest of reasons — to raise a flock of baby Baby Geese. He may not be the Baby Goose Huggalo Nation wants, but he’s the Baby Goose Huggalo Nation needs.

Go ahead, girl, take a ‘me’ day, you deserve it. I’ll stay home with the twins and when you get back, we can sample my homemade applesauce.

[pic via SocialiteLife]

In Drive, Baby Goose barely says ten words, but manages to embody cinema’s cuddliest psychopath. He’s just this delicious, Asperger’s sundae covered in butterscotch, like a blue-eyed Terminator who kills you with sweetness, and also a hammer.

The best way I can describe Drive is that it’s True Romance, if Tarantino had been snorting ‘ludes instead of coke, with a dash of The Professional and a Cronenbergian flair for the graphic.

Gosling plays a guy with no name who only cares about three things: cars, his neighbors (Carey Mulligan and her son), and his shiny scorpion jacket (to be fair, it is a really sweet jacket). Like True Romance, it’s essentially a love story set in the LA underbelly, where the entertainment industry is just another gangster racket (Ray Chandler allusion implied), and ends in a similar tangle of drugs, gangsters, and money. Oh, and crushed skulls. SOOO many crushed skulls.

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FRIEND SQUAD ASSEMBLE!

Ryan Gosling, that sweet, puppy-loving drink of lemon meringue from the land of maple syrup, famously broke up a street fight in progress back in June (though news of the event didn’t break until a few weeks ago). What had happened was, gentlemen had a disagreement over a painting, which was about to devolve into a donnybrook, when out of nowhere, Baby Goose showed up and gave the aggressor half a hug. That’s when the sky opened up and it rained waffle cones, and everyone shared a milk shake with a hundred straws while the Beach Boys played a live concert and a yellow lab with a red bandanna around his neck ran around licking everyone’s faces. Some say the giggling could be heard from space.

Baby Goose has finally broken his legendary silence about the event in an interview with MTV (video below), and this is what he had to say:

“I’m embarrassed. I think that guy really was stealing that other guy’s painting, so I shoulda just kept my nose out of it. It was sad, because it turns out that… I said to the guy, “Why you doing this?” And he said, “Because he’s stealing my painting.” and I said, “Well how do you know?” and he said, “Because he comes here every day and looks at my paintings.”

Which means the guy was a fan. And he wanted the painting so bad he had to steal it because he couldn’t afford it. So he finally steals the painting and then he’s getting his ass kicked by his hero. And then the guy from The Notebook shows up and makes it weirder. And it just… the whole thing, nobody wins. Nobody won.

And uh, you know what, I had just come from the gymnasium, and I was all… stretched out, and feeling… feeling warmed up. So, I’m embarrassed.”

Oh, Baby Goose, I think I speak for all of Huggalo Nation when I say that there’s no need for you to feel embarrassed. Seeing the good in people is just part of the Baby Goose Philosophy. Its central tenet, in fact. “Here, girl, I wrote you a song about it on the ukulele. You can sing along — it’s to the tune of ‘Baby Beluga.’”

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THIS WEEK IN THIS WEEK IN POSTERS: Hugh Jackman teaches robots to box, Baby Goose drives, and Brooke Shields’ daughter marries a horse. BUT FIRST! THE RUM DIARY!

Jesus Christ, it feels like I’ve been waiting ten years for this movie to come out. I like the poster. It seems to say, “Yes, our film stars the most popular movie star on the planet, and we don’t even NEED to put him in the poster.” I can’t tell if that’s really ballsy or just really stupid. In any case, I think a great title for a porn parody would be “The Cum Dairy.”

[via Yahoo]

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Huggalos rejoice, it’s a Ryan Gosling story! So Canada’s hottest export, that snuggly bundle of politeness and butterscotch pudding, Ryan Gosling, was recently spotted canoodling† with Eva Mendes, his co-star in the upcoming Place Beyond the Pines. Word on the street is that she could be Baby Goose’s new girlfriend, because he took her to Disneyland, and that’s totally his move. “Hey, girl. Lemme see those C-cups on the teacups, nah mean?” -From the upcoming Baby Goose/Channing Tatum body swap comedy.

Paparazzi snapped the “Crazy Stupid Love” heartthrob, 30, getting smoochy at the California theme park with sexy Eva Mendes, 37, his co-star in “The Place Beyond the Pines,” in which they play husband and wife.

I’ve been sad ever since Baby Goose broke up with fellow talented, adorable Canadian Rachel McAdams, so it’s hard to see him with another woman. My God, they’re both so cute, their baby would’ve come out covered in glitter and Lucky Charms marshmallows. But at the end of the day, all I really want is for Baby Goose to be happy.

The head-turning couple — both sporting baseball caps — were spotted over the weekend playing games, going on rides and wearing 3-D glasses. According to Us magazine, Mendes even fed Gosling “churros, cotton candy and corn on the cob.”

(*Eva Mendes feeds Baby Goose a churro*)
“Mmm, I’ve never had Mexican food before! Haha, interracial dating is super neat. Here, girl, sample the cuisine of my people.”(*feeds Eva Mendes cotton candy*)

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