No one was really sure what to think about Gangster Squad after the release date got bumped twice (it’s still not set, though we can assume some time this year), not to mention that it comes from director Ruben Fleischer, whose 30 Minutes or Less didn’t do too well critically or financially (I thought it was misconceived from start to finish, and I wasn’t sold on Zombieland either). But now the trailer is here, and holy balls does it look frickin’ awesome. It stars a murderer’s row of talent – Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Emma Stone, Nick Nolte, Giovanni Ribisi, Michael Peña, Anthony Mackie, and Ryan Gosling – and it looks like it has the potential to be the Ellroy-esque, period shoot-em-up we all wanted Public Enemies to be. Plus, it’s got a new character, whom I like to call Old-Timey Gangster Baby Goose!

“Mmm’yeah, dame, you look like you could use a hug, see?”

“Hand ovah the wallet* on the double, or else I’ll fill ya fulla tickles! *I wanna monogram it for you.”

“You’ll never take me alive, coppah! In fact, I’ll drive us instead, that way you can have a drink. Go ahead, live it up, you deserve it for working so hard.”

“Oh, a wiseguy, eh? You must’ve studied pretty hard to be so smart. Here, have a bran muffin.”

“Your hands ain’t so clean! Here, try some lavender soap, girl.”

“I didn’t ask ya for any lip! Not on the first date. I respect your boundaries, girl. Care for some Grapefruit?”

“It was you, Fredo. You stole my heart. You’re the best goldfish ever.”

Jeez, this is fun. How about we make it a trending topic? #GangsterBabyGoose. Go.

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Hey, girl, even dummies deserve last requests

Human Care Bear Ryan Gosling (or Baby Goose, as we like to call him), whose ability to stop street fights using half a hug is already well-known, made headlines again this week when he reportedly appeared out of nowhere to stop a dinghy English broad from wandering into traffic. My God, he’s like a cross between Batman and the Teletubbies.

Writing on Twitter, Laurie Penny (who is a journo for the New Statesman, FYI) said:
“I literally, LITERALLY just got saved from a car by Ryan Gosling. That actually just happened.”

Wait, slow down, you mean it actually happened literally-literally, and not figuratively, as a parable, in a mythical dreamworld of allegorical myth and metaphor? As an employed journalist, you’d think she’d make things a bit clearer.

“I was crossing 6th avenue in a new pink wig. Not looking the right way because I am from London. Ryan Gosling grabbed me away from a taxi.”
“He did not say ‘hey, girl.’ He said ‘hey, watch out!’
“Identity of … Ryan Gosling confirmed by girl near me, who said ‘you lucky bitch.’” [HolyMoly]

I like to imagine that after saving her, Baby Goose strolled off into the sunset, casually strumming his ukulele and smiling, another good deed done. Remember, Huggalos, Baby Goose is always with you, as long as you believe. ”See where those footsteps in the sand stop, girl? That’s where Baby Goose shoved you out of the way of a dune buggy.”

THIS WEEK IN POSTERS AND PROMO STILLS: Before we start this week, a little housekeeping. Not to get too inside baseball, but I’m moving this feature to Wednesdays, since we already have Morton’s awesome feature on the latest in DVD and Streaming running Tuesdays. Last week I expanded it from just posters to include the latest in promo stills, publicity shots, set photos, concept art, etc. Mainly, I just want it to be a place for you to get a nice little overview on the latest in movie happenings through pretty pictures, silly captions, and the occasional Photoshop. As is our way. We still cool? Cool. Stay golden, pony boy.

HAPPYTIME MURDERS, EEEEE! Above we see some concept art from The Happytime Murders, a sort of dark, Roger Rabbit-type movie directed by Jim Henson’s son Brian that apparently takes place at some kind of Muppet sex shop, and was previously described as “Avenue Q meets LA Confidential.” Holy shit this sounds awesome.

In a world where puppets co-exist with humans as second class citizens, puppet private eye and disgraced ex-cop, Phil Phillips [right], is hot on the trail of the serial killer who murdered his brother and is now targeting the cast members of the famous 80s television show, The Happytime Gang.
As the killings continue, Phil’s former flame, Jenny, is next on the list. It’s up to Phil and his ex-partner, Detective Edwards, to find the culprit, but as bad blood and old resentments resurface the clues start pointing to the only viable suspect, Phil himself. Now he’s on the run with only his wits and hard headed determination, as he tries to solve, The Happytime Murders.

Considering walking around all day with some art-school brat’s hand up your ass all day is considered normal, you can bet those muppets are into some real deviance. The only thing keeping this from being the best movie ever? Katherine Heigl may play the lead. Puke.

[IM Global via BleedingCool]

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You guys! I just realized I almost went this entire day without putting up a special Valentine’s Day message. And that wouldn’t do, because this is a very important, very not made-up-for-retail-purposes holiday. So to you and yours, Happy Valentine’s Day from Drive. Show that special lady you care by stomping someone’s skull in an elevator. Chicks love that mushy stuff.

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Here’s Ryan Gosling with his special lady, Eva Mendes, in Paris. Of course he’s holding a rose that he picked for her. “Hey, girl. Sure I scratched my hand on those thorns, but it’s a small price to pay to show you I care.” |WWTDD|

MORNING LINKS
SITE NEWS: Get excited, we’ve got a fresh Scene Breakdown from Danger Guerrero (KARATE DOG!) AND a brand new This Week in Posters. Get excited. That’s right, I said it twice, because I mean it.

Have you listened to the latest Frotcast? You should. It has koi prank calls. |Frotcast|

So Long and Thanks for All the Puppies. Go pay your respects to your departing WG editor, Matt Ufford. And meet your new editors!  |Warming Glow|

Crossface Chickenwing Rhymes: 7 Hip-Hop Lines About Bob Backlund. (I have no idea what any of this means). |Smoking Section|

I absolutely love watching these two old dudes kick the crap out of each other. |With Leather|

Meme Watch: Hippo Coworker Is On The Other Side Of Your Cubicle Wall |UPROXX|

7 Popular Songs That Are Too Rapey. Please, there’s no such thing as TOO rapey. |Buzzfeed|

“Where are the great movies?” asks the director of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull |FARK|

Damn, the Stath’s sister sounds pissed. DON’T MAKE ME PUT DOWN THIS BABY! |TheDailyWhat|

Anne Hathaway is engaged to this chode smuggler. |TheSuperficial|

Charlize Theron totally got bullied in school, you guys. Probably for being so pretty. |Videogum|

10 words of the year that didn’t catch on. Not listed? “Dingleberry.” Dingleberry is here to stay. You could set your watch to dingleberry. |MentalFloss|

6 fictional retailers that are probably better than Best Buy. |ScreenJunkies|

Louis CK Explains Racial Slurs |DogAndPony|

This awkward couple’s first kiss legitimately makes me nauseous. |HolyTaco|

Let Miss Leila alllmost show you her gash. |GorillaMask|

A Collection of Masked Movie Posters |Unreality|

Check out Talib Kweli in this new DeStorm video. Did you know: The Uproxx guys used to own Talib Kweli’s record label? It’s true. (*more you know music plays*)

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