Folks, if you’re standing you’d better sit, and if you’re bareheaded, you better put on a hat so you can hold the F onto it: it turns out British tabloids aren’t reliable sources of information.  (*covers umbrella with lighter fluid and sets it on fire*)  Even though The Sun reported a few days ago that UFC funny guy and avid dry humper Rampage Jackson was confirmed to play B.A. Baracus in the A-Team movie, it turns out that’s no more true than their report about Eddie Murphy playing the Riddler in the next Batman.  From MTV via Fightlinker (great site, btw):

MTV has confirmed that UFC champ Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has not been cast as B.A. Baracus in the coming big screen adaptation of “The A-Team.”

What I CAN tell you is that I reached out to Jackson’s publicist who checked with the fighter’s manager, as Jackson himself is currently on hiatus. The response? “His manager said it wasn’t true.” Move along people. There’s absolutely nothing to see here.

Well that’s a shame.  Rampage as Baracus was by far the most interesting thing I’ve heard about this project so far. I know most of us were young and impressionable when it came out, but let’s face it, The A-Team was a pretty dopey show.  You wanna make a movie about people who drive around in vans that I’ll watch?  Call up Story and Trailer Trish.  Can’t you just picture Gary Busey as the town Sheriff sidling up to the driver’s side window, “We don’t think kindly to… vanners in these parts.”    And then Trish’d be all, “Leave me alone!  You’re just jealous because I drive a Wizard of Oz truck!”  It could be like Easy Rider for the vanner community.  Of course, they’d have to show it at the drive in.

GeekTyrant and other sites are reporting (the original story apparently came from the notoriously full of sh’t Sun) that Rampage Jackson has been cast as B.A. Baracus in Joe Carnahan’s A-Team movie (which, though I hate to burst your bubble, is going to suck).  It would make a lot of sense, in that Rampage Jackson is a big black guy who beats people up.

Most recently Jackson has been filming The Ultimate Fighter Season 10 in which he coaches opposite Rashad Evans.  The Sun reports that he beat out 50 Cent, The Game, Tyrese Gibson, and Ice Cube for the role after he impressed film bosses with his “charismatic audition”.  And by “charisma” I imagine they mean “dry humping.”  (see videos below).  In my apartment and/or crawl space, that also counts as “foreplay.”

Jackson will supposedly star opposite Liam Neeson as Hannibal and Brad Cooper as Faceman Peck (though I don’t believe either of those have been confirmed outside of the Sun, either).  Reached for comment, an out-of-work black actor said, “So, you decided to cast an athlete and not a rapper this time, huh?  That’s awesome, I’m glad I went to Juiliard.  Anyhoo, I’m gonna head down to TBS to see if Tyler Perry’s new show is hiring, you a-holes.”
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^{The original A-Team van (since converted into a rapemobile)}

I’ll give you two reasons making The A-Team into a movie is a horrible idea: Knight and Rider.  Nonetheless, the project is going forward, with Joe Carnahan (Smokin’ Aces) replacing John Singleton as director, and Ridley and Tony Scott on to co-produce.

Fox is betting this is the right combination, setting a June 11, 2010, release date for the feature, which is written by Skip Woods [who's written Swordfish and Hitman].

Carnahan seems like an ideal candidate for “A-Team,” which told the adventures of a group of US Army Special Forces who are on the run for a crime they didn’t commit. The team included Hannibal, the leader whose favorite line was “I love it when plan comes together; Face, a ladies man; Howling Mad Murdock, an unstable pilot; and B.A. Baracus, the surly muscle (B.A. stands for “Bad Attitude”). [THR]

Yes, sounds like it’s all coming together. Now the only question is who’ll replace Mr. T: Vin Diesel or Nick Cannon.