FINALLY! I’d been waiting for someone to post this Jason Momoa interview from UFC 132 for weeks, WEEKS, I TELL YOU! And finally it’s online. I liked it so much because, aside from the leather bowler hat/leather-vest-over-black-wifebeater combo, which is delightful, Momoa seems drunk off his ass, and not in a pathetic, Hasselhoff way, just buzzed to the point where you can see him sort of forget he’s on camera and just ramble on like he and Goldberg are broing out at Hooters. It’s BRONAN THE BARBRONIAN! That would be a way better movie.

Aaaaaanyway, coming off his critically-acclaimed, hate-f*ck-filled performance as Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones, Momoa is set to star in the nu-metal Conan the Barbarian remake opening next week (which unfortunately was directed by the guy who did the Nightmare on Elm Street remake). But that’s not all. Apparently the studio has plans for a sequel. Wait, did I say the studio? What I meant was that Momoa has plans for a sequel. That he wrote. God, I love this dude.

CRAVE Online: Are you signed on to do another [Conan]?

Jason Momoa: I am, as long as people go out and watch [the first one], you know what I mean?

CRAVE Online: Yeah. Is there a story you’d like to do for the next movie?

Jason Momoa: I wrote it.

CRAVE Online: Did you really?

Jason Momoa: Yeah, so we’re waiting to see if they’ll accept it.

CRAVE Online: Is it original or did you adapt it from something?

Jason Momoa: It will mostly be… It’s character-adapted, because I really want to get into more of the mythical creatures, you know?

I don’t know if I’d want to watch the movie, but I would pay at LEAST twelve bucks to read that script. Especially the part about the mythical creatures.

And if Dana White’s goon squad ends up pulling the video at the top of this post, I think I can sum up the interview in two frames:

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve done a lot of stupid things while drunk (which may explain why my job doesn’t require pants), but even I’ve never been so butthoused that I broke into a bank and passed out there with a pistol in my pocket because I thought I was home.  And that’s why Rip Torn is gotdamned national hero. (*hums America the Beautiful*)

LITCHFIELD, Conn. (AP) — Prosecutors say actor Rip Torn has pleaded guilty to charges stemming from allegations he broke into a Connecticut bank while drunk and armed.

The star of movies including “Men in Black” and “The Beastmaster” was arrested in January after police found him inside the Litchfield Bancorp with a loaded revolver.

State’s attorney David Shepack says the Emmy Award-winning actor pleaded guilty Tuesday to reckless endangerment, criminal trespass, criminal mischief and the illegal carrying of a firearm.

The 79-year-old actor was given a 2 1/2-year suspended sentence and three years of probation. Conditions include a ban on firearm possession and random drug and alcohol tests. [AP]

God d*mn right. Some people might say anyone else who got caught with a loaded gun inside a bank would get thrown in jail, and maybe that’s true.  But you don’t throw national heroes in jail.  You say, “Aw hell, that’s just ol’ Rip! Good ol’ Rip, he’s drunk and carryin’ a loaded pistol again!  He ain’t hurtin nobody, that’s just Rip bein’ Rip!  But tell ya what, pardner, if he tells ya to dance, ya better listen.”

Back in the 70s, Orson Welles used to do commercials for Paul Masson wine.  In this clip of out takes from one such commercial, he shows us what it might be like if a scientist created a hybrid life form from David Hasselhoff in that burger video and Alfred Hitchcock.  I think I’ve watched this 12 times in a row now.  I can’t get enough of the director shouting “ACTION!” and Orson Welles just sitting there trying to lift his 70-pound eyelids (roughly a tenth of his total body weight). *Director pokes Orson with a stick*    AHHHH!  The Freeesssh shhaaampaaaagnes.  ‘as alwayssh been celebraded forashexshellenshe…. *mumble mumble eyes roll around independently of each other zzzzzz*

Paul Masson Wines: They make grandpa wax nostalgic and fall asleep.

[Pursuitist via NYMag]

In today’s edition of Stars Are Just Like Us, Cuba Gooding gets drunk and rambles incoherently.

Oscar-winner Cuba Gooding Jr. recently took a break from making movies like Daddy Day Camp and Norbit (Japanese title: “Mad Fat Wife”, true story) to do what many Oscar winners before him have done: give a drunken, rambling toast to a bar in Spokane.  Luckily, like herpes, TMZ was there. I took the time to transcribe his speech, because as anyone who’s ever been arrested for public intoxication and later read the police report knows, these things are much funnier when you see them written out.

“May those who love us, all over the world, love us.  May those who don’t, may God, show them, by way of their… Hey! I want y’all to pay attention!  FIREFIGHTERS!  Listen, this is serious!  May those who love us, love us!  All over the world.  May those who don’t, may God bless their hearts.  If he doesn’t bless their hearts, may he turn their ankles so we know them by the way of their limp.  That’s what’s up!  Drink it up!  And God bless the USA!”

Say what you will about his movie choices, Cuba Gooding’s Oscar speech was probably the most memorable in my lifetime — along with A-Brode making out with Halle Berry.  Granted, I love a drunk, but the kid has charisma.  And if you’re thinking it’s sad that an Oscar winner is getting drunk with the townies in Spokane on a Wednesday*, hey, at least it’s not a Barilla commercial with Dan Cortese.  So here’s to you, buddy, and may God bless rambling, excitable drunks everywhere.

*TMZ doesn’t say when this was shot, so it could’ve been the weekend, or two years ago.

At a recent Hornets/Lakers game, this reporter caught up with perennial man’s man Bruce Willis to ask him about his love for basketball. It seems that Bruno, as the hip kids like to call him, likes to kick back, watch some sports and down the sauce occasionally. Either that, or he’s just so emotionally overcome by Kentucky’s loss in the NCAA Tournament that he forgot how to speak.

“I’m still struggling over the, uh… my, um, my… over the upset of the Kentucky… West Virginia, I give ‘em all props… yeah, uh, I was rooting for Kentucky. I like Duke, too, though.”

See? Rich white people love Duke. This is good fun, though, because Bruce is a good actor, seemingly a great guy, and he’s not out running over people or driving the wrong way on the freeway. He’s just getting hammered, watching some shooty hoops and going home to his mansion to bang a 19-year old model on top of his giant stacks of money. Now that’s what I call being an American.

If Bruce has to apologize to anyone for anything, it’s to his daughter Rumer for using her face as a bookend as a child. Aw, I kid, she’s precious. (No offense to Gabourey Sidibe.)

Video from Best Week Ever

- Burnsy