As part of its goal not to be noticed or talked about by anyone, the Independant Spirit Awards held its ceremony on Saturday, a day before the Oscars.  The Wrestler took home the best picture award it deserved at the Oscars, James Franco won best supporting actor for Milk even though he was better in Pineapple Express, and Woody Allen won best screenplay for Vicky Cristina Barcelona (even though he would’ve preferred not have another turgid discussion about categorical imperatives). You can see the full list of winners after the jump, but the most important thing that happened was Mickey Rourke giving yet another amazing, foul mouthed, refreshingly honest acceptance speech.

“Eric Roberts is probably the best actor I ever worked with and I don’t know why in the last 15 years ain’t nobody give him a chance to show his shit again, because whatever he did 15, 20 years ago should be forgiven – no, I’m goddamned serious.  Eric Roberts is the f-ckin man, and like I got, he deserves a second chance.  …It’s nice to be presented an award by these two talented… uh, three talented – I don’t know what you do, honey… I wanna thank, uh, Melissa, Marisa – Marisa Tomei! Goddammit, she had to do all this bare ass, and she brought it, and – is she here?  Well anyway, not many girls can climb the pole.  But she did it and she did it well.

There’s six minutes of acceptance speech, and all of it more awesome than anything that’s happened at the Oscars pretty much ever.  For whatever reason, the guy makes me laugh and tear up every time he opens his mouth.  What the hell is wrong with me?  I don’t even tear up when relatives die.  I think my insides might be broken.
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The British Academy Awards, the BAFTAs, happened over the weekend, and that slick Hollywood fluff piece (set in India!) Slumdog Millionaire took best picture.  When I heard, I got so angry that I immediately looked at pictures of Emma Watson and imagined what she’d look like naked and with bigger boobs.  She’s really pretty.  She’s like the little sister I never boned.  Elsewhere, Heath Ledger locked up the award for being dead and Mickey Rourke wore a fashion scarf.  So, pretty much business as usual.

Rourke took home Best Actor, and upon being asked how he was able to so convincingly portray aging wrestler Randy the Ram, Rourke called out Chris Jericho, snorted a line, and invited the interviewer to a “fireman party”. (full list of winners and Mickey Rourke’s acceptance speech after the jump)

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The Screen Actor’s Guild Awards (full list of winners after the jump) happened last night, and you’ll never guess who won Best Supporting Actor! Never in a million years! Meanwhile, Slumdog Millionaire won Best Peformance by an Ensemble Cast, despite the main character being a mouth-breathing, self-serious, sullen douchebag the entire movie.  I confess, his shitty lines didn’t help any.

Yo, Jamal, wanna come get loaded on whippits and throw dog turds at rickshaws?
I must.  It is my destiny.

Dude, Jamal, why are you in my living room jacking off to Jean Claude van Tran?
I must.  It is my destiny.

Whoa, Jamal, what’s up with the Klan robes? And is that… a baby… covered in… beer batter?
I must. It is my dest– oh God please help me, I’m sick! I just do things with no good reason!

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The Producer’s Guild of America has released their best picture nominations, and they are:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (trailer, my review)
Frost/Nixon (trailer)
The Dark Knight (trailer)
Milk (trailer)
Slumdog Millionaire (trailer)

The PGAs are typically a blueprint for the Oscars, which makes today’s news bad news for Revolutionary Road and the likewise shunned. Last year, four of five PGA contenders went on to score Best Picture nominations at the Academy Awards. [Yahoo]

I don’t know why we make such a big deal about this crap.  You think it’s coincidence that four of the five nominees came out in the last month?  The people who vote on this stuff just aren’t that smart, they probably vote for whatever they saw last.  Which is why if I had a movie in contention, at the premiere I would serve popcorn laced with poison! My diabolical plan can’t possibly fail.

In case you didn’t watch the Independent Spirit Awards* this weekend… ha, who am I kidding, no one watches the Independent Spirit Awards.  Anyway, Rainn Wilson made some fun audition tapes for all the Best Picture nominees.  Here’s one from Juno.

/Film has the rest of them, but this one’s probably the funniest. It’s also the shortest. Coincidence? Naw, couldn’t be.

*Even the name makes it sound like a consolation prize, doesn’t it?  Hey, don’t cut yourself little goth girl.  It’s not that no one likes you, it’s that you’re just a, um… such an… independent spirit! Yeah, that’s it.  People just don’t relate to you because you’re so unique!  Now chin up, fatty.

Hey, you know what’d be a good name for a suicidal goth chick?  Rainn. 

I still say I liked Wilson best on Six Feet Under.