As everyone expected since three seconds after it happened, Kai the Homeless Hitchhiking Hatchet Hero (yes, I know that he prefers to be known as “home-free,” not “homeless,” but it’s a little late for that) has spawned his very own autotune (well, multiple autotunes, this one courtesy of the Gregory Bros). It’s not really surprising that it lends itself well to autotune, since Kai prefaced his interview with a fourth-wall-breaking inspirational message that wouldn’t have been out of place as the spoken-word bridge of any up-with-people pop song. And of course, the interview had a natural chorus, and I think we all already knew what it was. SMASH SMASH SUH-MAAAASH.

I love Kai, but I am a little concerned that all this is going to ruin his life. Above almost all else, the life of a chilled-out drifter relies on anonymity. So as much as I want to know more about him, his message is more powerful if “Kai” remains but a last-nameless, exact-ageless idea, roaming from town to town inspiring the populace with his beautiful words and bashing sex offenders’ heads in with camping tools. It’s important we savor this moment, while his only outstanding warrant is for keeping it real. Be excellent to each other, bros.

Updates below.

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[here's that autotune sketch, easily the highlight of the evening - via DailyWhat]

The Oscars happened last night and The King’s Speech was the big winner, taking home Best Picture, Best Director for Tom Hooper (he didn’t deserve it for this, but call it a late award for John Adams), Best Actor for Colin Firth, and Best Original Screenplay for 73-year-old David Seidler.  It’s surprising, mainly because The King’s Speech sucked huge old wrinkly British gravy-covered stuttering balls.  Okay, maybe it wasn’t terrible, but The King’s Speech is not a film that should Best Picture at the Oscars, it’s a film that should win Best Picture at a parody of the Oscars.  If Seltzer-Friedberg were slightly talented and made a film called “Oscar Movie,” it would look exactly like The King’s Speech.  Colin Firth is great and Geoffrey Rush is a gangster, but seriously?  That was the best movie of the year?  A stuttering king and his unorthodox mentor?  It really drives home the fact that the people who vote on this are a thousand years old.

"HELP, HE'S EATING THE AWARDS!"

People will bag on the hosts today, but people bag on the hosts every year.  Hosting the Oscars is a no-win situation.  They should’ve gotten a comedian, but Anne Hathaway seemed reasonably charming, not counting the opening monologue.  She even had some fun with Melissa Leo dropping the F-bomb in her speech (I love her so much more now), much like this Variety writer.

“…stiff, awkward banter between James Franco and Anne Hathaway throughout. While Melissa Leo dropped an ‘f-bomb’ early on, the ‘f’ words best describing the proceedings would be ‘flat,’ ‘fumbling’ and ‘familiar’.” [Variety via Durden]

(*riding by on pink Segway*) OOOOOOoooooohhhhh snaaaaaaaaaaapppp…..

You know that dork was high-fiving the hell out of his buddies in the news room after he came up with that line, sipping tea and puffing inhalers like fine pipe tobacco.  I like to imagine the show being written by a person who considered that a righteous zinger. Anyway, Melissa Leo is great, and between her and Monique, you’ve gotta figure that that Best Supporting Actress is the odds-on favorite to bring the (charming) crazy in her acceptance speech from here on out.

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