Here we have the trailer for The Great Fight, which will almost certainly go down as one of the greatest artistic creations of the last thousand years, perhaps million. It’s a film which flows from the idea, “Some autistic kids are savants. What this movie presupposes is, what if one was a savant at CAGE FIGHTING?”

As if that weren’t already the ultimate walk-off home run of a premise, it was directed by Sherri Kauk, the acclaimed, long-time camera operator on Mexico’s “Glam Girls”, and it stars both ROBERT LOGGIA and MARTIN KOVE. Who’s Martin Kove you ask? He’s John f*cking Kreese, that’s who, you ignorant motherf*cker.

The trailer opens with the title, “From the mind of best-selling author Kenneth DelVecchio.”  That’s right, “from the mind.” Our boy Kenny’s going all M. Night Shyamalan on our asses. Clearly his name is worthy of inclusion before the title or any of the footage. And why not? After all, we are talking about the man who wrote such books as “New York Criminal Code of Justice: A Practical Guide,” as well as “Test Prep for New Jersey Code of Criminal Justice,” to say nothing of “Code of Criminal Justice: A Practical Guide to the Penal Statutes.”

From there, we meet a cop who breaks a guy’s wrist because he has a ponytail. Our suspicions that he’s a cop are confirmed in the very next title, which reads, “A Cop…” But before long, we’re meeting our protagonist. A kid introduced as “A student with some very special skills.”

Those special skills? NAMING ALL OF THE US STATE CAPITALS! INCREDIBLE! I haven’t been able to do that since sixth grade, so clearly we’re dealing with a very gifted individual, a Rain Man-like geography machine with a brain like a supercomputer, capable of memorizing UP TO FIFTY FACTS AT A TIME. But soon we found out that he has not only a gift, but a very special disorder. AUTISM. Specifically, the type of autism that makes a person nearly comatose like the characters in Awakenings, but with cerebral palsy hands. FEEL FREE TO BOUNCE A BASKETBALL OFF HIS HEAD, TOMMY, HE HAS AUTISM!

But as a wise movie starring Sylvester Stallone once told me, “Once you’re pushed, killin’s as easy as breathin’.” It is much the same with an autistic cage-fighting savant. You push him and he will beat you up in gym class, even if you are a trained MMA fighter who trains at a gym where the fighters spar in prison jumpsuits. And that’s when it happens. ROBERT F*CKING LOGGIA. This movie stars Robert Loggia, who growls his Robert Loggia growl at an autistic MMA prodigy in order to toughen him up. Game over. The Great Fight could go down as the best movie in history.

After the jump, my favorite TubeChop I’ve ever made.

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A Thai fireman recently dressed as Spider-Man to coax an autistic child down from a ledge.  Which is really going above and beyond the call compared to our lazy American firemen who just sit around playing cards all day. Wait, what?  I meant that they’re heroes. Courageous heroes of freedom.

Teachers at a special needs school in Bangkok alerted authorities on Monday when an autistic pupil, scared of attending his first day at school, sat out on the third-floor ledge and refused to come inside.

Despite teachers’ efforts to beckon the boy inside, he refused to budge until his mother mentioned her son’s love of superheroes, prompting fireman Sonchai Yoosabai to take a novel approach to the problem.

The rescuer dashed back to his fire station and made a quick change into a Spider-Man costume before returning to the boy, he said.

“I told him Spider-Man is here to rescue you, no monsters are going to attack you and I told him to walk slowly towards me as running could be dangerous,” Somchai told local television.

The young boy immediately stood up and walked into his rescuer’s arms, police said. [AP]

Superhero costumes, eh? I may just have to trade in this candy-filled van. Plus, my dick looks really good in spandex.

Chocolate comes from Ong Bak director Prachya Pinkaew, and as we’ve already established “A SPECIAL NEEDS GIRL… WITH A NEED… TO KICK SOME ASS,” is one of the greatest taglines ever written.  The latest news is that it’s getting a limited theatrical run beginning this Friday.  Here’s where you’ll need to move to see it:

Boulder, CO: International Film Series
Denver, CO: Esquire Theatre
New York, NY: Sunshine Cinema
Austin, TX: Alamo Drafthouse South Lamar
Dallas, TX: Inwood Theatre
Seattle, WA: Egyptian Theatre

…unless you just want to wait four more days until it comes out on DVD (February 10th). Me, I hate waiting. That’s why I throw things around the room and scream and bite myself or recite pi to the 1000th digit until I get my way.

[via CHUD]