[via Clip Nation]

MORNING LINKS
‘The Spit & the Speculum’ among AVN’s ‘Clever Title’ Nominees |Film Drunk|

Come see Vince and former Frotcast guests Eric Barry and Leslie Small next week during SF Sketchfest |EVENTS|

It’s always the cute girls who turn into mutant armadillos. [via Fck Yeah Dementia]

The Jesse Pinkman Saying ‘Bitch’ Supercut Is Revised And Better Than Ever |UPROXX|

5 Shows Certain To Be Renewed And 5 Shows Certain To Be Canceled |Warming Glow|

Good To See Michael Jordan Still Hanging Out With Cartoon Characters |With Leather|

New Consoles, And Four Other Awesome Things Coming To Gaming This Year |Gamma Squad|

Watch Brian Scalabrine Dominate A One-On-Three Pickup Game Like Only The White Mamba Can |Smoking Section|

Ravens Fans: Still The Worst |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

13 Great Movies Nominated for Razzies |Film.com|

Introducing The Manti Te’o Kiss Cam |Buzzfeed|

Jeremy Renner Knocked This Up |The Superficial|

Why Michelle Obama Really Rolled Her Eyes At John Boehner |HuffPost Comedy|

YouTube Commenters Break Down the 2013 Oscar Nominees |NextMovie|

20 Recyclable Objects That Might Surprise You |Mental Floss|

The Petting Zoo |Videogum|

An Internet Ransom Note |College Humor|

The B Movie is Alive and Well: My Favorite Asylum Mockbusters |Unreality|

Louis CK and History |Holy Taco|

The 10 Biggest Box Office Flops of 2013 — A Pajiba Prediction |Pajiba|

Leonardo DiCaprio is Quitting Acting |IDLYITW|

Forty-five actors who went “gay for pay” |Fark|

The Delayed Films Of 2013: Why They Were Pushed Back & Which Ones Will You Be Seeing?
|The Playlist|

Bang With Friends Is Here To Help |High Definite|

Watch a Bunch of Duke Kids Awkwardly, and Graphically, Talk About Sex |Brobible|

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Have you ever been on a plane that kept hitting freaky turbulence or been cut off by some fascist stewardess trying to enforce some never-agreed-to dress code that involves pants? Well save your airplane horror stories, Julieanne Moore, you’ve still got nothing on a group of Qantas passengers last week who looked out at the wing on their flight from Cairns, Australia to Port Moresby, New Guinea, only to see a 10-foot scrub python on the wing, trying to reenact Nightmare at 20,000 Feet. It’s weird, a snake on your plane wing is actually a confusing mix of fears, like trying to dodge sharks while you’re prematurely ejaculating.

QF191 was about 20 minutes into its 6.15am flight from Cairns to Port Moresby on Thursday when a woman pointed outside the plane and told cabin crew: ”There’s a snake on the wing … There’s its head and if you look closely you can see a fraction of its body.’

But unlike Samuel L. Jackson’s 2006 fictional Hollywood blockbuster in which a nest of vipers causes death and destruction on a jet…

…Go on.

…this reptile was concerned only with self-preservation.

Nice, bro. Knowing what I know about Australians, it would be disappointing if no one shouted, “Thet’s naught a snoyke…”

While some passengers scoffed in disbelief, she was correct. Rick Shine, a snake expert at the University of Sydney, said the specimen was a ”very uncomfortable” scrub python, the longest snake in Australia.

Or, ALTERNATE SCENARIO, Ice Cube, who happens to be on the plane, jumps up and demands to know, Anaconda-style, “Yo dey got snakes out dere dis big?”

”There’s no way it could be anything else,” he said. ”They’re common in north Queensland. They’re ambush predators and if there are rodents anywhere nearby, they’ll most likely be in the vicinity. They often find their way into tight ceiling spaces in houses, although I’ve never heard of one on a plane until now.”

So you’re saying Qantas has rats? Are you sure they didn’t just confuse a baby kangaroo for a giant rat? That was always happening on Looney Tunes.

Read the rest of this entry »

"He thinks he's holding a knife -- shhh, just play along."

At one point, the Australian government accused Paul Hogan, now 72, and his business manager of owing $156 million in taxes, which in my mind sounds at least 15 times higher than all of the money Paul Hogan could’ve possibly made in his entire lifetime. Jesus Christ, next you’ll tell me Yahoo Serious is the Sultan of Brunei (SCRIPT IDEA: “Seriously Sultan,” starring Yahoo Serious and Miley Cyrus in a fish-out-of-water tale of mistaken identity). Anyway, Hogan’s life seemed to be circling the dunny back in 2010 when he was barred from leaving Australia after returning to attend his mother’s funeral (he lives in LA). But the criminal case against him was dropped later that year, and this week, he and the tax office have reportedly settled the bill for an undisclosed fair dinkum.

The terms of the settlement, according to the Australian press, reached after mediation by a former judge, remain confidential, and the Australian Taxation Office declined to comment. A public announcement noted only that an agreement had been negotiated “without admission,” meaning that there was no assignment of wrongdoing to either party.

The first “Crocodile Dundee” movie, which was made with a budget of less than $10 million and focuses on the unlikely romance between an Australian bushman and a New York reporter who goes to the outback to interview him, was released in the United States in 1986 and earned $175 million at the box office. That made it the second most popular film of that year, after “Top Gun,” and it was also a hit not only in Australia, where it made another $50 million, but also around the world, with an estimated total box office of more than $325 million.

As the settlement was announced Mr. Hogan’s lawyer, Andrew Robinson, criticized the tax inquiry as a waste of taxpayers’ money, saying it may have cost more than $20 million. He also suggested that Mr. Hogan, who has largely been inactive in recent years, might soon be back with a new project. “ Who knows, now that this monkey is off his back?” Mr Robinson said. [NYTimes]

Hogan himself was said to have remarked, “Monkey? That’s not a monkey. THIS is a monkey,” at which point he pointed at a koala bear. I’m telling you, the guy’s losing it.

[picture via]

As the Sundance Film Festival begins today, so does the search of every Hollywood executive for this year’s Martha Marcy May Marlene, which was the breakout hit of last year’s event, winning Sean Durkin the award for Best Director. Most industry analysts expect that this year will be one of the busiest ever at Sundance, as movies will be gobbled up like crazy by studio executives, which is good news for Vince’s debut entry, Perfect Stranger: That Time I Sat on Both Hands.

Unfortunately, I can’t offer much insight into the hype of this year’s Sundance because I haven’t done my homework. I have, however, watched one video about an 8-year old Australian girl’s struggle to succeed in the music industry. After the jump, I implore you to watch Juliet’s “My First Hardcore Song”, which I am openly endorsing to be made into a documentary film for next year’s Sundance Film Festival, because it is truly an epic work of art that crosses over multiple genres.

Read the rest of this entry »

Friday Free for All is the time of the week I reserve for all the things I really wanted to post that might not be strictly movie-related.  So please, do not ask me “Dude, how is this movie related?” Or I will punch you. Send your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com, but only if they don’t suck.

If you don’t know who Bangs is, you need to drop everything right now (EVEN IF YOU ARE HOLDING A BABY) and watch this video .  In a subculture that’s often accused of misogyny, criminality, homophobia, and unchecked materialism, Sudanese-born rapper Bangs is an oasis of politeness and wanting to buy you popcorn.

Bangs recently parlayed his level of awesome internet fame into a Honda commercial in his adopted homeland of Australia (he’s lived in Melbourne since 2004) — hence the multi-colored Monopoly money and steering wheel on the right side.  The theme of the commercial (“How much rap can you fit into a Jazz?”) also exemplifies the charming, characteristic Australian awkwardness with black culture.  It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense (chicks and gold chains equals… rap?).  But the central conceit of the plot is forgiven when we get to hear Bangs sing a rap song about the Honda Jazz.  It’s hard to choose, but I think my favorite line was:

“10 cups holders in this car
so your drink be by your side
never far.”

If you don’t like Bangs, you have no soul.

[via Bossip]