Noooooooooo!

We haven’t talked about him in a while, but to refresh your memory, Uwe Boll is the angry German film director who not too long ago inspired an online petition to stop him from making movies.  While I thought it was kind of mean for people to pile on like that (though my offer to fight him still stands), it’s certainly true that Uwe Boll’s movies do suck.  That’s why I’m excited to see him tackle the subject of the Holocaust in his new film, Auschwitz, which promises to be the most awesomely tasteless thing since something something Mel Gibson.

The teaser is after the jump, and it features, yes, Uwe Boll himself playing an SS officer standing guard outside a room as Jews are gassed and their bodies fed into an oven (had you heard? they did the gassing and the burning in the same room).  It sort of reminds me of something something party at Mel Gibson’s house.

“It’s in the tradition of my movies Stoic, Darfur, Rampage, Tunnelrats, Heart of America…it shows Auschwitz as this what it was: a meatplant for humans…a death factory.” [Twitch]

Well sure, who could forget those movies that I’ve never heard of?  Wait, wait, something’s coming back to me… Oh right, Darfur. That was the one starring Billy Zane with the typo in the trailer, right?  I remember now.  Anyway, my favorite part of the teaser is the “NEVER FORGET” title card, as if with the 200 holocaust movies that come out every year it was about to slip our minds until the dude from Bloodrayne came along.  I mean, come on!  That SS guard didn’t even look dyslexic. Where is the art?!

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"Come and give bubbe a kiss."

Here’s Sean Penn on the Dublin set of This Must Be the Place. At first I thought he was playing the role of the world’s ugliest Jewish grandma, but then I realized he wasn’t wearing nearly enough jewelry.

Sean plays a retired rock star who puts on his Detective La Toya monocle to track down the Nazi war criminal responsible for torturing his father at Auschwitz. [DListed]

I think these are the pictures your doctor keeps handy in case your boner pills give you one of them four-hour erections.

(I will never get tired of this picture)

In part two of unsurprising Roman Polanski supporters, we go from Woody Allen to Brett Ratner.  As it turns out, the number one Miley Cyrus fan and Jonas Bros concert goer had actually announced plans to direct a sequel to the 2008 documentary, Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired, only hours before Polanski’s arrest.  My sources say the sequel was tentatively titled Roman Polanski: Nacho Crumbs Accidentally Spat At.

Hours before Polanski was busted in Zurich, Ratner taped an interview for BlogTalkRadio’s “Movie Geeks United” show and announced he’ll be producing a sequel to Marina Zenovich‘s 2008 documentary, “Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired.”

“The family has forgiven [Polanski]. The victim has forgiven him. The rest of the world has forgiven him,” said Ratner, who cast Polanski as a French detective in his movie “Rush Hour 3.” “The LA judicial system is corrupt. It’s horrible.” [NYPost]

As Cinematical points out, Ratner also went to Auschwitz with Polanski for a feature in Heeb Magazine. Ratner and Polanski go to Auschwitz, I know, it sounds like the premise for a wacky sitcom.  Meanwhile, as part of my continuing coverage of asinine Brett Ratner Tweets, it appears that the Rat man is also friends with Polanski’s 16-year-old daughter, Morgane, tweeting just last week, “@MorganePolanski i love u more than Miley!!!!!!!”   So I ask: would it not be the height of irony if Brett Ratner was only befriending Roman Polanski to get close to his underage daughter?  …Allegedly.  But get your mind out of the gutter, he’s not interested in her sexually.  The dude has been known to quote Jonas Brothers lyrics. He probably just needs someone with whom to discuss puffy paint and trapper keepers.  In fact, she’s probably a little old for him.