Dennis Hopper’s manager confirmed that the 73-year-old has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and will be canceling all commitments to focus on treatment — a story USA Today chose to accompany with this banner ad asking “who is pop culture’s biggest mover and shaker?” with pictures of Kate Gosselin, Ivanka Trump, and Khloe Kardashian.  Maybe it was their subtle way of saying, “Perhaps not being alive right now wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

Manager Sam Maydew says the 73-year-old actor and artist is being treated through a “special program” at the University of Southern California. Asked about Hopper’s prognosis, Maydew said, “We’re hoping for the best.”

In related (crappy) news, Nic Cage’s father (and Francis Ford Coppola’s brother), August Coppola, died of a heart attack yesterday at age 75.

Coppola taught literature and served as dean of creative arts at San Francisco State University. Besides Cage, Coppola is survived by sons Christopher and Marc and three grandchildren.

So that’s pretty crappy.  Making a joke about this would be in pretty poor taste, so I’ll simply go out on a limb here and say that Weston Coppola Cage will be wearing black to the funeral.