Tyrese Gibson was on Attack of the Show last night talking to Candace Bailey about his R & B album, and while pretending to give a sh*t about Tyrese Gibson’s R & B album should warrant serious Emmy consideration, more relevant to our interests was Gibson’s story about working with Michael Bay.

There was a Maybach, probably one of three in the world… there was a big stunt that we had to do. It was supposed to be a stunt driver driving this car, and it ended up being a PA [production assistant, basically the lowest grunt on the film/TV production totem pole]. Now, this car costs about $4 million dollars. And the PA ran the Maybach into a wall. So Michael Bay, he flipped out. “I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!” And then he had an aha moment, where he sat down and was like, [out of breath] “I need a Big Mac.” A Big Mac calmed Michael Bay down. And so here it is, this Maybach, he flips out, they fly a Big Mac to the set, and now he’s just sittin’ there, he’s got a little vein coming out his forehead, and he’s chewing on this Big Mac.

Can you imagine any place in the world far enough from a McDonald’s location that getting a Big Mac there would necessitate a plane flight? The answer is no, you can’t, but they flew it anyway because Michael Bay doesn’t consider it a favor if it doesn’t burn jet fuel. The other thing I should point out is that between Michael Bay’s Big Mac demands and Kevin James’ infamous cheeseburger trough, one might be tempted to draw a parallel between schlocky Hollywood fare and a love of McDonald’s. But I think that’s merely a coincidence. More likely is that Michael Bay has sold product placement to his entire life. Anger = have a Big Mac. Party at my house? P Diddy’s vodka. Relationship trouble? Ask Siri. You live a baller life like Michael Bay, sponsors are naturally going to demand a piece of the action, and he’d be stupid not to take it. Don’t be naive, bro, this is how Hollywood works.

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Well it looks like I’m writing about this again (sorry in advance).  Jaimie Alexander was on Attack of the Show last night, and ooh la la, my ears are burning!  The part where she gets asked about FilmDrunk stars at 4:20. “They said something about me being a bulimic model. And it was one of those things where it was like, you’re not really a comic book fan, you’re not this, you’re not that, and I was like, listen, I had to mention Star Wars and comic books on Kimmel as a segue because I really wanted to do my Chewbacca impression… But yeah, ask me anything, and if you piss me off, I might cut your throat.”

“HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING DISINGENUOUS! WHY, LAST TIME SOMEONE DID THAT I KICKED HIM OVER THE MOON!”  She later said that I’m “probably a nice guy” though, so that was cool (full disclosure: I totes am!).  Of course, I never called her a “bulimic model”, nor did I say she wasn’t a comic book fan, because… I don’t care.  I was just pointing out the cliché and making fun of “And I like Star Wars, so I’m basically geek squared.”  (Which deserved to be made fun of).  But hey, it was all worth it to hear that Chewbacca impression, right? I’d never have made fun of your talk show clichés if I’d known you liked pizza and beer.

MORNING LINKS:

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James Cameron took time out of his busy schedule eating Komodo-dragon-egg sushi off the breasts of his new Ukranian wife-slaves on his yacht recently to drop by G4′s Attack of the Show to show off the Cameron-Pace 3D camera rig with which he shot Avatar.  Captain America director Joe Johnston recently complained that the rig was too unwieldy, which is why he chose to post-convert rather than shoot in 3D, but the rig doesn’t seem that bad. Anyway, Cameron shared some of the camera’s tech specs with AOTS host Captain Whathisface, like how it’s made from Unicorn Jizz and pure kryptonite.  Yep, that’s what I heard.

This camera is called a mini beam splitter rig and is set up inverted to be hand-held.

This rig was specifically created for the movie from two Sony cameras.

Unlike most 3D cameras, the Pace doesn’t use two side by side cameras for 3D effects.

Instead, it uses two cameras on the top and bottom to recreate how the 3D space will look on screen.

This technology is known as “fusion 3D.”

The beam splitter allows the two lenses to merge inside each other as the top camera can move side to side to change the interocular distance or change angles to control the convergence. [to control the "sweet spot" of the 3D image]

It’s a silent and fast 9 axis motion control system.

The rig weighs 28 lbs.

The two cameras must be finely calibrated in order to be doing the same thing at the exact same time.

[as for how much it costs, Cameron says, "Think a couple of Ferraris," meanwhile probably thinking, "Like the couple of Ferraris I store in my servant's quarters.] [via G4]

Cameron mentions that he did all the hand-held camera work on Avatar himself, and Captain Whatshisface calls him a hero, saying, “I have a new deal of respect for you, sir, because I could not hold that thing for 15 seconds.”  Really, dude?  You just said the thing weighed 28 pounds.  You can’t hold 28 pounds for 15 seconds?  Your mom has dildos that weigh more than that.  If the Russians ever invade, we’ll have to issue this guy a Nerf crotch bat and super-absorbent hankie to dry his girl tears.

Related: No Avatar sequel until at least 2014.  (*sad Pocahontas cat monkey*)

Olivia Munn is super pretty and her favorite thing to do ever is pander and give nerds boners, so of course she made a video making fun of Twilight. Nerds hate Twilight like they hate direct sunlight.  I actually thought the first part (‘you talk like someone from old history’ – nice) was funnier than the killing part that she’s in.  But regardless, Seltzer-Friedberg are already planning to re-shoot this for their next movie, except with someone playing Amy Winehouse in it for some reason.

And yes, this was all just an elaborate excuse to post my favorite gif in the whole wide world:

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There’s really no more blatant way to pander to the nerds and get everyone damp under the man-boobs than sticking Olivia Munn from Attack of the Show in various cleavage-heavy outfits like Princess Leia.  But while my brain is insulted, my boner refuses to be reasoned with, and the shame tears just make me jerk harder (this is why Mormons have so many kids).  If one picture could sum up Comic-Con:

I’ll say this for Comic-Con: it’s the one day of the year when models really earn their paycheck.  You can just imagine some poor girl dressed as the world’s sluttiest centaur getting paid to be gawked at all day thinking “I pictured Milan…”  That Olivia Munn can still smile and maintain a cheerful exterior while surrounded by 15 socially inept shut-ins shouting, “Hey Olivia, I whack it to you way more than Megan Fox!” and “Hey Olivia, sign this hair doll!” and “Hey Olivia, lemme rub my greasy boner on you!” is nothing short of miraculous.  She’s truly a Saint I’d like to Motorboat.  (more pictures and video below)

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