If you’d been in my apartment five seconds ago, you would’ve heard me make a high-pitched noise like a dolphin and fall to the floor.  To make a long story short, Dolphin Tale has a trailer.  To refresh your memory, Dolphin Tale is the heart-warming, real-life story of a bionic dolphin created by Morgan Freeman and Marine Biologist Harry Connick Jr., a dolphin whose never-say-die attitude inspires a nation of wounded soldiers and disabled kids.  I don’t know what else to say, because nothing I write here could be better than the screengrab at the top of this page.  My God, it is magical.  Oh, I also made it a gif.

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HELP ME, DAMMIT! I'M HARRY CONNICK JR, THE FAMOUS MARINE BIOLOGIST!

I’ve been following Dolphin’s Tale, the heartwarming tale of a robo-dolphin from the director of Air Bud, since I first heard about it, and if ComingSoon‘s latest set pictures prove anything, it’s that it’s happening!  It’s really happening!  Here’s the plot, to refresh your memory:

“Dolphin” is inspired by the true story of a dolphin named Winter who was rescued off the Florida coast and taken in by the Clearwater Marine Aquarium. The movie version centers on an introverted, 11-year-old boy who befriends an injured dolphin who lost her tail in a crab trap. Through their bond and friendship, the boy motivates everyone around him to help save the dolphin by creating a prosthetic appendage. The mammal’s strong survival instincts become an inspiration to people with special needs. [Reuters]

I want to make sweet butt sex to that synopsis.  SHE’S A SPECIAL-NEEDS DOLPHIN… WITH A SPECIAL NEED… TO WARM YOUR RETARDED HEART!

Wait, did I mention the dolphin’s robot tail was built by none other than MORGAN FREEMAN, THE KINDLY OLD BLACK MAN WHO DESIGNED THE BATMOBILE??? BECAUSE F*CK YEAH IT WAS.

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Folks, I don’t always report casting news from the trades, but then, not every trade rundown includes Morgan Freeman, the director of Air Bud, and MARINE BIOLOGIST HARRY CONNICK JR.

Harry Connick Jr., Ashley Judd and Morgan Freeman are in negotiations to star in the inspirational 3D drama “A Dolphin’s Tale.” “Dolphin” is inspired by the true story of a dolphin named Winter who was rescued off the Florida coast and taken in by the Clearwater Marine Aquarium. Charles Martin Smith (Air Bud) will be directing the film from a script by Karen Janszen (A Walk to Remember).

The movie version centers on an introverted, 11-year-old boy who befriends an injured dolphin who lost her tail in a crab trap. Through their bond and friendship, the boy motivates everyone around him to help save the dolphin by creating a prosthetic appendage. The mammal’s strong survival instincts become an inspiration to people with special needs.

Connick Jr. plays a marine biologist who rescues the dolphin. Judd plays the boy’s mother, while Freeman is a doctor who creates a prosthetic limb for Winter. [Reuters]

Holy crap holy crap holy crap.  Connick a marine biologist, a dolphin that inspires retards, and Morgan Freeman as a kindly doctor who designs prosthetic dolphin tails???  THIS SOUNDS F*CKING INCREDIBLE.  After playing God, the president, and Nelson Mandela, I guess “Robot Dolphin Expert” was the only place to go. BATMAN’S SUIT WILL HAVE TO WAIT, FOR I HAVE PROSTHETIC DOLPHIN TAILS TO FINISH!   It practically writes itself.  I imagine the hardest part was deciding whether to spell it “tail” or “tale” in the title.  BOTH ARE TRUE! IT WORKS ON SO MANY LEVELS!

Crossing Over is another Crash clone set in the intense boiling racial melting pot cauldron of Los Angeles, where caricatures from all over the world come to get caught up in a series of sensationalistic vignettes about important social issues.  Can Indiana Jones solve the immigration problem?  Not if Henry Hill has anything to say about it.  Who will emerge triumphant??  The viewer!*

*Not really.

Watch in HD at Yahoo.