While the mainstream media focuses on the typically asinine and vomit-inducing aspects of the Arizona killer, unanswerable questions like whether “violent rhetoric” contributed to him being a batsh*t retard (does it matter? you can’t declare war on hyperbole), we here at FilmDrunk turn our attention to more important things, like the movies and music he was into.  Not to blame them, mind you, but to ridicule them for being sucky.  Sorry, it’s how we grieve. 

Sadly, details are a bit sparse when it comes to Jared Loughner’s DVD collection:

Loughner’s favorites included little-known conspiracy theory documentaries such as ‘Zeitgeist’ and ‘Loose Change’ as well as bigger studio productions with cult followings and themes of brainwashing, science fiction and altered states of consciousness, including ‘Donnie Darko’ and ‘A Scanner Darkly’.  [DailyMail]

Donnie Darko is interesting, because although it’s a decent movie (the Swayze character was brilliant), stupid people have a way of attaching some grand meaning to it, as if the giant bunny rabbit is hiding the meaning of life.  It might be the most-common DVD in the dipsh*t’s movie collection, second only to Boondock Saints.

But let’s face it, I wouldn’t be sharing this story if a writer over at Yahoo hadn’t started quoting Drowning Pool lyrics.  OOOH WHA-AH AH– ah crap, that was a Disturbed song, wasn’t it.

In particular, a pounding metal song used as the soundtrack for the lone video Loughner marked as a favorite on YouTube — one in which an American flag is burned by a hooded man — contains lyrics that reference bodies hitting a floor. The video for the song itself — a 2001 release from the band Drowning Pool titled “Bodies” — features one of the band’s members screaming instructions to what appears to be a mental patient housed in an insane asylum.

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A few days ago, I linked an Asylum story about 18-year-old Arizona State freshman geology major* Elizabeth Hawkenson, who had reportedly had her scholarship revoked after appearing in a “casting couch” porno in which she holds up her actual ASU ID card (note: probably not the best idea).  The basis of the story was a letter supposedly sent to the ASU regents by an “anonymous alumnus” who was outraged with Hawkenson’s “degrading sexual activities” and demanded her $33,000 scholarship be revoked.  Today, the Phoenix New Times reports that the Board of Regents says they never received such a letter, Hawkenson is still enrolled and lives in a dorm, and her scholarship has not been revoked. Buzzfeed says the letter may have been a 4-chan hoax.

The format of the casting couch video (it’s linked in the Phoenix New Times story) is that a guy brings a pretty young girl into his office who supposedly thinks she’s just auditioning for a modeling job, at which point the director eventually talks her into having sex on camera.  In case you just fell off the ‘tard bus, none of that is true (but you never know what guys will believe with a boner in their hand).

“The whole thing is scripted,” Hawkenson tells New Times. “I knew going in there it was for sex.”
She says she was paid $2,000 and assured the video would only appear on the part of the Web site people had to pay to see.
That didn’t happen. The video found it’s [sic] way to free porn sites like P0rnhub.com and Hawkenson became (ahem) a star. She says the publicity she’s gotten from the video has “been treacherous for [her].”
She says she found her way to the “casting couch” after she was short on tuition. She’s from out of state, so her tuition is about $30,000 a year. Her scholarship is spread out over four years.
She says she did some fully clothed modeling for Mayflower Models and agents repeatedly asked her to appear in porn.
“I was like ‘no way, I have morals,’” she says.
With the tuition deadline approaching, Hawkenson took them up on the offer.

Now, a couple things.  First, there are two extremely surprising things about this story.

1. A girl who said she was 18 in a porn film was actually 18.

2. A girl in a porno who said she plays in the school band actually plays in the school band.  (She also plays a mean skin flute OH! /Dice).

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When the LA Times ran a story about Lake Havasu residents hoping to “dispel rumors” that their lake was infested with piranhas because a ridiculous movie was filmed there, mainly I was confused by Havasu’s strange approach to publicity. Now that their local paper is running ANOTHER story, I’m wondering if everyone there might actually be clinically retarded.  Wait, what am I saying, I’ve been there. I know they are.

In the business of tourism, image is everything.  And in the week following the release of “Piranha 3D,” city officials are hopeful future visitors see the film as tongue-in-cheek humor and aren’t scared off by the over-the-top partying or the vicious prehistoric fish.

I always find people who say “image is everything” aren’t nearly as worried as they should be about getting punched in the face.

“I think both towns [the fictional one in the movie and Lake Havasu] looked absolutely beautiful and they sure look the same,” Visitor’s Bureau President Doug Traub joked. “For the most part, you see young people observing the law and having a good time in the movie. However, morally, if you see people wearing less than full body armor [derp], you may be offended. … I would agree that it was way overblown because it was a movie and again I wouldn’t take it seriously.”
Another possibility, however, is that people avoid the lake in the same way millions avoided the oceans near Martha’s Vineyard, where the 1975 film “Jaws” was filmed.

Yes, that is indeed a plausible scenario.  I’m so glad I read this article.
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The LA Times has a story today claiming people in Lake Havasu are worried that Piranha 3D will hurt their tourism business.  You know, because Piranha 3D was shot in Lake Havasu, and people who are informed enough to know that will not be able to tell the difference between real life and make believe.  Yeah… I don’t know, dude.

At least that was the sentiment conveyed by the city’s publicist, Jeff Blumenfeld, who called us somewhat frantically Wednesday morning to express concern over the movie. “We’re gritting our teeth — we’re just hoping that the reaction is a good one for the city,” he said.

Haha, gritting your teeth, hilarious.  Time out, a guy named “Blumenfeld” lives in Lake Havasu?  That might be the most far-fetched part of the story.

While it might seem preposterous that tourists could truly believe that there are piranhas swimming around Lake Havasu, some local hotel owners say they’ve already encountered a few nervous patrons.

“One woman was bringing up to me that the movie was coming out, and she asked – as serious as serious can be – ‘Oh, but are there still piranha in the lake?’ ” recalled Cal Sheehy, general manager of the London Bridge Resort, which is right on Lake Havasu. “At first, I kind of took it as a joke. But then I let her know that that’s the computer-generated part of the movie. And she was very relieved, saying, ‘Oh, I’m so glad to hear that.’ ”

Vern Porter, of the Nautical Beachfront Resort, has been joking with his guests that he “hopes they took all of the piranhas out when they finished the movie,” but can’t imagine anyone would take the threat of killer fish seriously.

Haha, “I hope they took all the piranhas out!”  F*ckin’ classic Vern!

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Comcast in Tucson yesterday added what the Super Bowl telecast has too long been missing: FULL MALE NUDITY.

Officials at Comcast said about 30 seconds from Club Jenna, an adult cable television channel, were shown on the local Super Bowl telecast. The company was still working Sunday night to figure out how it happened.
The Star newsroom was flooded with calls from irate viewers who said that the porn cut into the game with less than three minutes left to play, just after Arizona Cardinals player Larry Fitzgerald scored on a touchdown pass from Kurt Warner to put the team in the lead.
Callers said that the clip showed a woman unzipping a man’s pants, followed by a graphic act between the two.
“I just figured it was another commercial until I looked up,” said Cora King of Marana. “Then he did his little dance with everything hanging out.”
Jeanene Piek said she was outraged that her granddaughter had seen the clip.
“I was in a state of shock. I am totally disgusted,” she said. [ArizonaStar]

Janet Jackson’s nasty old flapjack titty cost CBS $550,000, so who knows how much this will end up costing Comcast.  It’s bad enough people have to have Comcast, now random cocks on the screen?  The only thing worse than this is having to watch commercials for your own cable service.  Hmm, so I only have one choice of cable service, which is now advertising to me, on a channel I could only see if I’d already paid for their service… Whoever came up with that idea should be executed.

UPDATE: Thanks to WithLeather, here’s the link to the original NSFW broadcast. Wow, it really is just a guy dancing around with this cock out. And Evan Stone, no less. He’s like the Bruce Campbell of porno.