Now that Iran’s leaders have aired their grievances with the way their people were portrayed in the 2013 Academy Award winner for Best Picture, Argo, it is time for more countries that have been slighted to step forward and shame director Ben Affleck for his typical American ways. Specifically, people in New Zealand are pissed off because of one little line that makes them sound like a bunch of dicks who turn their lights off on Halloween.

“The six of them went out a back exit. Brits turned them away. Kiwis turned them away. Canadians took them in.”

Four words that pass so quickly on a giant screen, but have already detonated with more impact in the hearts of New Zealanders than 1,000 atomic bombs. Now, the country’s leaders are fighting back against Hollywood’s propaganda once again, but this time it isn’t about Peter Jackson stealing $67 million from taxpayers. No sirs, this is about pride.

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You have no idea how happy I am to break Film’s Drunk “war crimes tag” cherry. As Vince previously mentioned, Iran is none too pleased with Ben Affleck’s Best Picture-winning Argo (big Les Misérables fans, those guys), which “makes the people of Iran look like they have no self-determination, and indisputably support violence.” I actually thought they came across quite well, especially in the scene where that Dire Straits song plays…oh, wait, no, that was the white people. Iranians = monsters, so says Argo, but Iran’s planning their revenge, by framing Ben Affleck as a perpetrator of war crimes for the U.S. whose Argo is nothing more than a covert operation disguised as a movie. Hm, sounds familiar.

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“So this one’s called the ‘glass-bottom boat’…”

Howdy friends! The big DVD this week is Argo, but we’ve got plenty to discuss beyond Ben Affleck and his striking resemblance to that guy from Die Hard.  There’s also flicks starring Keira Knightley, Ethan Hawke, John Cusack and Val Kilmer. We’ve got movies about serial killers, struggling rock musicians, capitalists, and criminals.  We’ve got small apartments and special forces.  There’s a junior high spy, a sushi girl, and even a talking cat!

The DVDs:
Argo
Anna Karenina
Sinister
Fun Size
The Factory
For Ellen
Riddle
The Package
Atlas Shrugged, Part II: The Strike
Small Apartments
Special Forces
Undefeated
Sushi Girl
Junior High Spy
A Talking Cat!?!
Snow Shark

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

One of these films went undefeated at last year’s Oscars.  If you want to know which movie it is, continue reading on the next page.  Two of these flicks co-star Dolph Lundgren.  Continue reading to find out which ones.  If you’ve given up physical media for Lent, click the link above and skip right to the streaming suggestions, but if you do you’ll never know which Oscar-nominated actor gives voice to that talking cat. Read the rest of this entry »

Today in awards shows too numerous to keep track of, Argo wrapped up the last of the guild awards, taking home a WGA for screenwriting, after previously taking top honors in the PGA, DGA, and SAG, which all sound like complex euphemisms for handjobs to me. In a symbolic way, I suppose they are. I don’t like to brag, but the first line of the second paragraph of my Argo review was “this movie is going to clean up come awards season,” and I had Oscar in the headline. Basically, I’m the odds-on favorite to take home a Golden Toldja at this year’s bloggies, held in Harry Knowles’ boat shed.

Original Screenplay
Flight – John Gatins (Paramount Pictures)
Looper – Rian Johnson (TriStar Pictures)
The Master – Paul Thomas Anderson (The Weinstein Company)
Moonrise Kingdom – Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola (Focus Features)
Zero Dark Thirty – Mark Boal (Columbia Pictures) – WINNER

Adapted Screenplay
Argo – Chris Terrio (Warner Bros. Pictures) – WINNER
Life of Pi – David Magee (20th Century Fox)
Lincoln – Tony Kushner (DreamWorks Pictures)
The Perks of Being a Wallflower – Stephen Chbosky (Summit Entertainment)
Silver Linings Playbook – David O Russell (The Weinstein Company)

Documentary
The Central Park Five – Sarah Burns, David McMahon and Ken Burns (Sundance Selects)
The Invisible War – Kirby Dick (Cinedigm Entertainment Group)
Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God – Alex Gibney (HBO Films)
Searching for Sugar Man – Malik Bendejelloul (Sony Pictures Classics) – WINNER
We Are Legion – Brian Knappenberger (Cinetic Media)
West of Memphis – Amy J. Berg and Billy McMillin (Sony Pictures Classics)

Searching for Sugar Man is similarly dominating the documentary category, adding a WGA to its Critic’s Choice Award, BAFTA, and Golden Globe.

But to be fair, you have to question the judgment of any organization that nominated Flight and Perks of Being a Wallflower for writing awards. Denzel’s already-cheesy, you-knew-this-was-coming turning point relied on his hardly believable and never-before-referenced need to honor a dead chick, and the way the film communicated to the audience that its protagonist had learned a lesson was to have him give a big speech about the lesson he learned. A lesson that could’ve been any speech at an AA meeting. It was one of the more clumsily-written movies of the year. Even Argo, which I mostly liked, had a tacked-on, overly dramatic ending that felt like someone taking a real, already-compelling story and trying to Hollywood-ify it. And no nominations for Tarantino or Magic Mike or The Sessions? Ar-go f*ck yourself.

TV awards below:

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As spotted by an eagle-eyed Twitter user, here’s David O. Russell reacting hilariously to his Silver Linings Playbook actress Jennifer Lawrence losing her BAFTA Best Actress bid to Emmanuelle Riva in Amour. That’s the thing about David O. Russell, he might scream and call you a c*nt on set, but when push comes to shove, he’s got your back. I heard he once tried to knife fight a biker who pinched Amy Adams’ ass outside a bowling alley once. Heart of a lion, that guy. He also directed a movie that feels like a collection of bad indie rom-com tropes and was somehow still good. Silver Linings Playbook is like a damned magic trick.

You can see the full list of BAFTA winners and nominees below. No real surprises, other than Zero Dark Thirty getting shut out. Argo picked up another best picture win on the way to the Oscar every assumes it’s going to get. Ben Affleck won best director, which is fair, because why would a guy who directed the best picture not be the best director? That makes no sense.

I also enjoy that a movie about French poverty called “The Wretched” won an award for best hair and make-up. That really says it all. Derelicte is real, you guys.

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BEST FILM
X – “Argo”
“Life of Pi”
“Lincoln”
“Les Misérables”
“Zero Dark Thirty”

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