Party Dog still wants to know where the bitches at

I haven’t seen Hot Tub Time Machine yet (or as I like to call it, “Hot Tub Time Machine: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire”).  But especially after reading AO Scott’s review in the New York Times, I almost wish I didn’t have to put it off for another day to see Birdemic.

The undercurrent of misogyny and homophobic panic that courses through most arrested-development, guy-centric comedies these days is certainly present here. But unlike, say, “The Hangover,” which sweetens and sentimentalizes its man-child characters — allowing them to run wild and then run home to Mommy — “Hot Tub Time Machine” is honest in its coarseness and pretty tough on the fellows who are the agents and objects of its satire.

The cultural detritus piled up everywhere, to be recycled, cherished, mocked and travestied, provides small — but nonetheless real — compensation for the spiritual deficits of modern life.  Is it crazy to write that sentence in a review of “Hot Tub Time Machine”? Not really: the movie itself proves the point. [NY Time]

The use of five-dollar words, the scribe’s given name needlessly done up in pretentious initials — not to mention the  elaborate sentence construction — is it crazy to enjoy such things when one’s profession involves posting trailers to Jerry Bruckheimer movies accompanied by *fart*?  Perhaps.  But when it’s for a review of Hot Tub Time Machine, it’s pretty awesome.

Back in July 2008 when George Bush was president and mediocrity held sway, ABC thought it’d be a good idea to replace Ebert and Roeper on At the Movies with Ben Mankiewicz and a rich white kid whose Twitter feed is 30% hip hop talk, 30% the word “homey”, and 40% exclamation points.  His name was also Ben.  But then America got a library card and took some classes at University of Phoenix, and that didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore.  So ABC fired the Bens and replaced them with two guys wearing glasses, neither of whom use the word “homey”, both whom often use the word “juxtapose.”

Look how serious and intelligent it is now!  You can tell because the title cards say “SERIOUS AND INTELLIGENT!”  One of them even has a beard!  I haven’t this impressed by a makeover since I made my dog wear a scarf!  Erudite Shakespeare reference, everyone!

[via AnneThompson]

(Pictured: Turtle, Johnny Drama)

Well, folks, our long national nightmare is over.  A year after ABC replaced Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper as hosts of At the Movies with TCM’s Ben Mankiewicz and MC Private School Ben Lyons, they’ve announced that Ben & Ben are out, in favor of A.O. Scott of the New York Times and Michael Phillips of the Chicago Tribune.

Mankiewicz would escape much of the criticism directed at the revamped “At the Movies,” [just as he will in this post - sorry, Mank -Ed.] most of which targeted Lyons, whose inability to articulate his opinions undercut his cinematic knowledge and critical skills.  Too often Lyons sounded as though he were dictating a blurb for an ad, rather than giving serious counsel as to whether a consumer should buy a ticket, rent a DVD or skip a film altogether. [ChicagoTribune]

This is a great decision by ABC, not that I ever watched the show.  And not because I think the only worthy film criticism comes from guys who work at The New York Times and use initials for a first name (pretentious much?). Otherwise I wouldn’t subject you to my own, professional dick-joke-maker such as I am. It’s just that if I am in the mood to hear intelligent film analysis, it’s not going to be from the spiritual cousin of Brett Ratner who likes club DJs and uses phrases like “homey” and “what’s good!!!” every third sentence.  eFilmCritic has a more detailed account of why Ben Lyons was a bad critic (raving about You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, for instance), but for me, him seeming like a tooly douche (or is he a douchey tool? discuss) was enough.  But don’t feel bad, you’ll still be able to see him on Good Morning America and E! News and Nickelodeon, doing whatever it is he does for many years to come, I’m sure.

Am I mean for picking on him?  Probably.  H8r numb3r 1, out.