Here’s Sexman’s review of Observe and Report, which opened last week. He more or less agreed with me.

Opening this week:
Anvil! The Story of Anvil - The heavy-metal, documentary version of The Wrestler opens in five more cities this week, now playing in Toronto, New York, Los Angeles, Irvine, Seattle, Cambridge (Mass.), and Montreal.  Their story is kind of like that clip of the old British lady your mom keeps emailing me, but more metal.

17 Again – Zac Efron and Matthew Perry star in a movie you’ve already seen if you’ve ever seen a movie. Check out Zac Efron on the Today Show. Really, Today Show?  You’re gonna let Zac Efron talk about this like it’s a serious movie?  Jesus.  He’s like a robot raised by publicists.

Crank High Voltage – I know it’s a deliberately ridiculous Jason Statham vehicle, but it just gives me a trying-too-hard vibe.  I’m all for something that’s actually outrageous, but it seems like every time something gets marketed as outrageous nowadays it just ends up pandering to half-retarded WWE fans.

State of Play - Hey, remember this movie?  Stars Ben Affleck, Russell Crowe, Helen Mirren, and Rachel McAdams?  Yeah, me neither. Doesn’t seem like they’re promoting it much.  Then again, it doesn’t look that interesting.

Also – Adventureland is still out, and worth seeing if you haven’t already.

Opening this weekend:

• Hannah Montana the Movie: You know I’ll be there.  I love this little mouth-breathin retard.  Isn’t it funny how Disney’s apparently run by creepy pedophiles?  Who wants to get slimed!
• Observe and Report: You can read my review here.  Bottom line: it’s funny, but not that great.  Sort of like me in the sack.  :-(
• Dragonball: All the crappiness of Street Fighter but more geared towards kids.  Filled with wire fighting, people swallowing bugs, and lines like, “Prepare to eat dirt!”  Plus people riding snowmobiles with wheels and eating turkey legs. What’s not to like?
• Anvil (limited release): Sort of The Wrestler meets heavy metal, but real.  As far as one-sentence pitches go, you’d have a hard time doing better than that.  “Like Die Hard, with Diora Baird and Anne Hathaway going ass to ass.”

Anvil was a band who toured with Mötorhead and The Scorpions in the 80s, but after coming so close to superstardom, have since faded into relative obscurity (see picture above, featuring the one guy at their show sitting in a chair and headbanging next to a speaker).  Anvil is the documentary about the band, and judging by the trailer below, it looks like Spinal Tap meets The Wrestler, except real.  And if that comparison didn’t make you at least a little bit moist, well then you’re not invited to my fireman party.
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