Kirsten Dunst gets naked for Lars Von Trier’s upcoming film Melancholia, the kind of news that probably would’ve popped a blood vessel in my eye if this was 2003. It’s not nearly as graphic (or sexy) as what Charlotte Gainsbourg had to go through on Von Trier’s last film, Antichrist, but in a recent interview with The Guardian, Dunst says she wouldn’t have been able to get away with that role anyway. Because her dang boobs are just so darn big.

Look, she says: she agreed to make Melancholia because she loved the script. It’s not as if he had asked her to make Antichrist, the director’s previous film, in which Charlotte Gainsbourg played a bereaved mother who mutilates her own genitals. “That kind of film is harder for someone like me to get away with. I’m more in the public eye than Charlotte.” She pauses to reconsider. “It’s something about Charlotte’s body, too. You couldn’t have someone like me, with big breasts, in that film. Charlotte’s thin and her breasts are small and that’s easier to watch somehow. For someone like me to do that film – it would almost be ridiculously shocking.”

Kirsten Dunst complaining about the discrimination she faces as a big-breasted actress is a lot like me complaining about the disadvantages of being a white male. You’re not always wrong, but in light of the other advantages, it’s probably best to just shut the f*ck up.

I was considering not posting The Onion’s video on the Danish tourism ad campaign as directed by Lars von Trier, seeing as how it’s already gotten the gangbang from every other site.  Then I realized what a nice addition this would be to my nicely-growing tag “The Danish“, alongside Gayni–ers From Outer Space and the gay Nazi movie.  So if you’ve got anything else wacky and Danish, be sure to send it over.  As long as there’s not too much pooping.

“The ads took over one year to complete due to Von Trier’s decision to wire his own jaw shut and communicate with the cast and crew in a form of sign language he created himself.”

In related news, Antichrist will be available on Netflix tomorrow.  But if you’re looking to rent a Lars von Trier movie, I recommend The Idiots, mainly for its graphic depiction of a retarded-people orgy, complete with wieners entering hoohas and everything.  “Jä, jä, mein daughter receiwe Ph.d from Danish National Actor’s Conserwatory. Ve’re wery prøud.”

Lars von Trier’s AntiChrist has been the talk of Cannes, and not in a good way. Said Roger Ebert, “Von Trier is not so much making a film about violence as making a film to inflict violence upon us… This is the most despairing film I’ve ever have seen.”   Jeff Wells called it “a fartbomb,” and he wasn’t the only one comparing it to a fart in the first line of his review.  Some reviewers liked it, but most of their praise was along the lines of “I think I liked it,” which in movie critic parlance roughly translates to, “It really tapped into my pretentiousness and self-hate!”  Anyway, the polarized reactions led to quite the scene at the press conference.

Declaring himself “the world’s greatest director,” 53-year-old Dane Lars von Trier defended his enfant terrible title with aplomb.  It started with a shouting match between Daily Mail columnist Baz Bamigboye and other members of the press corps, with Bamigboye demanding von Trier “explain and justify” the explicit sexual gore in his film and another journo in the audience yelling “He’s an artist, you’re not. He doesn’t have to explain anything!”

Uh oh, are the film critics going to fight?  We’re gonna need a bigger inhaler…

“I don’t have to explain anything. You are all my guests here, not the other way round,” von Trier said. “Anyway, I don’t think about the audience when I make a film. I don’t care. I make films for myself.”

Von Trier did defend his use of nausea-inducing imagery — including a bloody masturbation scene and a leg-drilling sequence that could have been cribbed from the “Saw” franchise — as artistic “honesty,” saying to leave the shockers out would have been “like lying.”

He also insisted he was not playing a joke on the audience but meant everything, from the film’s talking fox to the closing dedication to Russian director Andrei Tarkovsky, a dedication that drew howls of laughter at last night’s press screening, to be taken seriously. [via Hollywood Reporter]

If you skim read those last three paragraphs and sort of blur them together, you get a talking fox singing “Be Our Guest” while Lars von Trier ejaculates blood.  I’d watch that.

This is the second trailer for Antichrist, from Dogme 95/The Idiots/Dancer in the Dark filmmaker Lars Von Trier (first trailer here). The idea of a Danish director doing a movie about the antichrist is kind of terrifying.  When it comes to sacrilege, no one holds a candle to the Scandinavians. Don’t believe me? Read about Norwegian Black Metal some time you’re interested in having nightmares.  Anyway, this version of the trailer has Danish subtitles, and the second damned word in it is “sorgmønster.”  Sorgmønster!  I don’t know what it means, but it sounds like it means a big scary demon, or penis, or demon penis, or Willem Dafoe.

[via Twitch]

The movie world’s been all a-buzz about Lars von Trier’s Antichrist since the above teaser poster came out a few weeks ago.  Willem Dafoe’s ass cleavage has that effect on people.  The trailer just hit the web and you can watch it below. Von Trier is known mainly for being one (and probably the best) of the Dogme 95 filmmakers (if you’re interested in Netflixing, I recommend The Idiots, about a group of people who pretend to be retarded for kicks – and yes, there’s a retard orgy scene). Antichrist, however, looks more or less like a traditional horror film. So far all we know is:

…Antichrist, which postulates the Earth was created by Satan rather than God.

Not sure what the implications of that will be, but then, I don’t know much about religion.  I tried to read the bible once, but it kind of jumped the shark when they killed off Jesus. Really? Halfway through you’re gonna kill off the best character?  That’d be like if Harry Potter died.  It’s just illogical.
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