I don’t want to engage in another turgid discussion about categorical imperatives, but Woody Allen has a new movie coming out.  (Has it been three weeks already?).  It stars Josh Brolin, Naomi Watts, Anthony Hopkins, Freida Pinto, and Antonio Panteras, and it’s called You Will Meet a Tall, Dark Stranger.  Oh no, this must be what Mel Gibson was trying to warn me about!

After Alfie leaves his wife Helena to pursue his lost youth and a free-spirited call girl named Charmaine, Helena abandons rationality and surrenders her life to the loopy advice of a charlatan fortune teller. Happy in her marriage, Sally develops a crush on her handsome art gallery owner boss, Greg, while Roy, a novelist nervously awaiting the response to his latest manuscript, becomes moonstruck over Dia, a mystery woman who catches his gaze through a nearby window. Despite these characters’ attempts to dodge their problems with pipe dreams and impracticable plans, their efforts lead only to heartache, irrationality, and perilous hot water. [Yahoo]

If someone has begun dating a handsome art gallery owner or a washed-up novelist needs to find a new muse, you know you’re either in a Woody Allen film or a Paul Simon song.  But as long as there aren’t any Spanish poets trying to punish the world for their inability to love, we’ll call it a step in the right direction.

The print version of the LA Times (the what with the who now?) ran this new picture  from Thor over the weekend, and /Film helpfully scanned it and put it online (GRRR, INTERNET!). [Here's the original, I added Ratner and Vaughn in the above version for... uh... scale]. It appears to show Asgard, the magical realm of the Norse gods previously evoked only in the hottest Yngwie Malmsteen guitar licks.  The film is supposedly set partly on Earth and partly in Asgard.

To me it looks a lot like shiny, gold, imperial sets from Thor director Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet. It also looks a lot like the set of that victory parade with Jar Jar and Natalie Portman in that one Star Wars movie.  But let’s stick with just the Shakespeare reference so you guys can tell how smart I am.  (*adjusts ascot, lights fart with pinky extended*)

Also, I like whatever’s going on with this dude’s helmet. I think if you traveled back in time and told a Viking that in 1300 years, there’d be zero improvements to the horned helmet, he’d be rightly disappointed.

The LA Times today has a feature on Marvel’s upcoming slate of films, including this official publicity shot of Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Anthony Hopkins as Odin, and Tom Hiddleston as Loki in the Kenneth Branagh-directed Thor movie.  I still can’t get over a deity who can miracle himself a strapless eye patch but can’t cure his own lack of depth perception, but whatever.

Oh hey, did I mention Thor and Captain America will be available in glorious, post-converted 3D?  Because you bet your smelly ass they will be.  2D is for your minstrel shows, grandpa.  For their part, the creatives involved acknowledged problems with post-converted 3D in the past and admit they were wary, but eventually welcomed the opportunity to charge five bucks more per ticket creative challenge.

[Captain America director Joe] Johnston did a one-day test shooting with a 3-D rig — as opposed to shooting in 3-D and converting — and said it was “a nightmare” due to bulky gear, calibration issues and restricted filmmaking options. He said he’s a firm believer, though, in the conversion approach if done right and he’s enthused to move forward. “It’s a new challenge and it’s exciting,” Johnston said.

[Marvel Chief Kevin] Feige, in London for “Captain America,” pledged that “an unprecedented amount of time” would be devoted to the conversion process. He also said the films will benefit from the fact that the 3-D choice was made early on with passion and planning and not in post-production, as was the case with a flurry of films that came on the heels of “Avatar.”

“In being able to think in 3-D from the start — and having every bit of our special effects rendered in true 3-D — we have the opportunity to do it right,” Feige said. “When you’re working with a director like Ken Branagh or Joe Johnston, they’re not going to settle for less than perfect image. They’re not going to settle for something that isn’t up to the artistry of everything else they’ve done on the film … they’re not going to put on some overlay in the last 10 to 12 weeks of post-production for a fiscal reason.” [LA Times]

Said the interviewer, “This Joe Johnston who won’t settle for less than perfection, he’s the guy who directed The Wolfman, right?”  And burst out laughing.  “I’m sorry, forgive me.  I was just… thinking of this funny thing that happened.  To my friend.”

This clip has been making the rounds today, and it’s from a Marvel superhero movie, so I’d better post it (also, I’m lazy).  It’s a segment from Entertainment Tonight and there’s actually very little actual footage from the movie (at the 2:03 mark). It shows the cast running and star Chris Hemsworth saying ‘Look! Over there!”  Oh crap, was I supposed to say ‘spoiler alert?’ And to get to it, you’ll have to sit through the be-V-necked Mervin’s mannequin Little Lord Fauntleroy here asking Hemsworth and Natalie Portman tough questions like:

“So what’s it like being Thor?”

“Tell us about the chemistry between you two.”

“Have you ever seen her rap?”

“Do you feel pressure because of how well these franchises have done?”

“Chris is a big boy now.  Wow!”

I wasn’t being sarcastic when I said “tough questions.”  Because really, how does a person go about responding to such asinine throat queefs?  This guy makes Seacrest look like a Hell’s Angel.  This man is a human tampon.

Oh, I guess they did get this image of Anthony Hopkins as Odin.  You can tell he’s the big swinging d*ck of Norse Gods because his eyepatch holds itself up with no strap.  Call me crazy, but I wouldn’t subscribe to any religion where the supreme being can’t fix his own handicaps.

“Look, it’s Jesus!  He’s rolling across water in his magic wheelchair!”

Today, Marvel released the first picture of Chris Hemsworth in costume as Thor. Just to recap, that’s the film about the comic book character who turns into the Norse God of Thunder and hits bad guys with a mini sledge hammer, starring Natalie Portman as Jane Foster, a nurse and love interest, and Anthony Hopkins as Odin, being directed by Kenneth Branagh, who’s best known for directing six movies based on Shakespeare.  If you can make any sense of that, let me know.  It opens May 2011.

via Yahoo! Movies