Mitt Romney saw Twilight with his wife

Written by Vince Mancini / 11.18.12

Mitt Romney’s 51 – 48 loss in last week’s election could have been even worse if the American people had known that the guy constantly chiding Obama for looking weak was the same guy letting his wife drag him to a screening of Twilight over the weekend, where these blurry pictures were taken. Politics aside, what a pussy-whipped eunuch.

Last night, Mitt and Ann Romney were spotted at a movie theater in Del Mar, California— near their La Jolla beach home we’re guessing. They managed to go out without a bodyguard or anything, though they weren’t able to escape the watchful eye of a TMZ photog.

I’m guessing the Del Mar Highlands theater, I used to work at the Starbucks right next door. Remind me to tell you about it some time, it’s a really boring story.

The Romneys went out for pizza, and everyone said Romney was totally cool and posed for pictures with people. Romney has copped to loving the Twilight series before. He picked up the books on a recommendation from his granddaughter, and he told the TODAY show: “I thought it was fun.”

There’s a Mormon connection there, too. The author of the book series Stephenie Meyer is a member, and some have noted that LDS imagery and influence runs deep in the series. (The series’ heroine Bella avoids coffee, tea, alcohol and tobacco.) [not to mention premarital sex and ethnic temptation.] [LAist]

Nothing against Mormons or Republicans, but if you’re a 65-year-old gazillionaire whose idea of a good time is going to see Twilight on opening weekend with your wife, you should probably just kill yourself, because you’re already dead. “Ooh, skinless grilled chicken breast again? Thank you, wife, this looks very satisfactory.”

You just know he goes home and DVRs Two and a Half Men and laughs his ass off. The reason Caroline in the City lasted four seasons? You guessed it, Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney saw Wild Hogs in the theater six times, true story. Mitt Romney orders undressed green salad with extra frisee.

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Nickelodeon calls promoting Jason Biggs’ Twitter account ‘A mistake.’

Written by Vince Mancini / 09.07.12

Bear with me, folks, this one requires a journey deep down the rabbit hole. So, American Pie‘s Pie effer in Chief Jason Biggs is apparently voicing Leonardo in a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show for Nickelodeon. (Stay with me here, we’ve got a long way to go). In promoting the show, Nickelodeon apparently promoted Biggs’ Twitter account. Meanwhile, a website called Twitchy, clearly doing the Lord’s work, took it upon themselves to catalog every “lewd” thing Biggs tweeted, clutching their pearls all the while and eventually calling for a boycott of Nickelodeon.

Some of Biggs’ offending tweets (asterices added by me – blame your workplace’s family filters):

If your sweater has buttons and buckles on it, you are very good at sucking d*ck. #TheBachelorette

I bet the top priority for a women’s basketball team equipment manager is to make sure they have enough dental dams. And then basketballs.

Just got emailed another birth announcement. Damn, there are a lot of Jewgly kids in Hollywood.

Happy we’re clamping down on texting while driving, but when is being Asian while driving going to become illegal?

If Twitter is a penis, then she totally swallows. #FF my wife, @jennyandteets [What the hell does that even mean? How does a penis swallow? Ugh. -Ed]

“your pussy isn’t allergic to pussy, is it?” – my husband, defending his attempt to finger me after petting a feral cat -Jenny Mollen

I’d totes dip a pinky or two in Paul Ryan’s wife’s bleached assh*le (she obvs bleaches her assh*le). #RNC

“@jennyandteets: People are cheering off screen because Janna Ryan is showing her tits! #RNC”

Clint Eastwood talking to a non-responsive stool sorta sums up Christianity in a nutshell, huh Republicans? #RNC

You know, just your basic, not-nearly-as-funny-as-I-think-I-am actor tweets. Feel free to check out Biggs’ wife Jenny Mollen’s completely insufferable blog for 10,000 more words of that (a few people have suggested that I do an in-depth breakdown of her latest, but, while it would surely be big traffic, I don’t think I could handle the sheer volume of negativity it would require of me). Anyway, poor Jason apparently understimated how much the wingnut media cares about a B-list actor’s tweets when that B-list actor insults Republicans.

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