"SUCK THIS CODPIECE!"

DURK KNIGHT DURK KNIGHT DURK KNIGHT! (*wheeze, inhaler*)… If you’ve suffered through badly-bootlegged prologues and photocopied script pages in order to get the faintest, frothy whiff of Dark Knight Rises musk, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Well, one of them, anyway. The Dark Knight Rises finally has an official trailer, with everyone you’ve been hoping to see — Bane, Gary Oldman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, and of course Hines Ward. Is it just me or does Michael Caine sound more Statham henchman-y than usual? “Oy made a focken promise to your muvver an favah, an now deez conts ‘as ruined it, now ‘asn’t dey.”

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On the following pages, I’ve got some new pictures of Anne Hathaway in costume as Catwoman from the set of The Dark Knight Rises. Since I know how sensitive many of you are to spoilers, the first page only shows my fan-art recreation of the costume. Sorry to anyone I fooled you into thinking this was an official publicity still. It isn’t. It’s just a drawing. That’s supposed to be her litter box in the background on the bottom right.

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Warner Bros just released this official image of Anne Hathaway as Selena Kyle in The Dark Knight Rises. I put the other two, possibly spoilery (but not really) set photos after the jump so no one would cry, even though this headline would’ve made way more sense with one of those in the banner. In any case, I’m interested in how this Catwoman character is going to work. For as much as Christopher Nolan gets his balls licked for these movies (rightly so), one of the biggest failings has always been the casting of the female roles. I love Anne Hathaway and all, and I think she’s a solid actress and it goes without saying that I’d totally do her, but if I have to pretend that Anne Hathaway can beat up a full grown man, it’s going to require more suspension of disbelief than pretending Katie Holmes is a hard-nosed District Attorney or that someone would refer to Maggie Gyllenhaal as “helloooo, beautiful.” (She’s attractive in a non-’beautiful’ kind of way…)

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From a Landline TV series for AOL called Kids Re-Enact Oscar Movies, here’s The Kids Are All Right.  Mark Ruffalo kid pretty much nails it.  For a story about lesbians, that movie sure sucked a big wiener.

MORNING LINKS

• This Week In Review: The Best, Worst And Awesome Of The Internet. |Uproxx|
• Naked Sledging: Great Sport, or Greatest? |UproxxNews|
• 24 Geeky Wisconsin Protest Signs. |GammaSquad|
• Oscar movies with Corgis. So much better now. |WarmingGlow|
• Mega Gallery: The Least Intimidating Pictures Of Ice Cube. |FDGallery|

Anne Hathaway’s Oscar outfits. I like her better about 10 pounds heavier, but she still looked pretty good. |via SuicideBlonde|

• Playboy Goes To The Movies. |Playboy|
• Insane Clown Posse vs. “The King’s Speech”. |Buzzfeed|
• Louis C.K. asked Donald Rumsfeld if he’s a lizard. |WWTDD|
• Quentin Tarantino’s Star Wars. |UnrealityMag|
• Chris Brown Blames Satan For Releasing New Rihanna Abuse Photos. |TheSuperficial|
• Your dad dances like an angel. |GorillaMask|
• James Franco gettin’ dressed. |TheDailyWhat|
• Does this look like the face of a man who stuffed his own poop in his mouth and spit it at cops? |BostonBarstoolSports|

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"Why, Anne, you're looking especially handsome tonight."

A lot of people are tempted to not watch the Oscars this Sunday night, them being, as Ricky Gervais says, “a night of the most privileged people in the world being told how brilliant they are and thanking God for loving them more than ugly poor foreigners.”   That might be true, but Thanksgiving is also a celebration of English fundies giving smallpox to Indians.  The food’s still delicious.  That is to say the Oscars are fun if you have fun with them.  And as I’ve learned, the best way to have fun is to drink alcohol.

So here’s a drinking game with which we can all play along.  TOGETHER.

• CHARLIE SHEEN REFERENCE: Social.  Buckle up, there’s going to be a lot of these.

• CHARLIE SHEEN REFERENCE INITIATES LIGHTNING ROUND: Everything after the first Charlie Sheen reference counts double, and the lightning round is complete only when a second Charlie Sheen reference ends it.  (It begins again on the third, and so forth).

• RICKY GERVAIS, MEL GIBSON REFERENCE: Take a drink.  I suspect the volume on these got turned down when the Sheen rant broke, but they’ll still be too easy to resist.

• F-18 REFERENCE: Chug your beer, do a line of coke, email your boss telling him how you really feel.

• REFERENCE TO EGYPT, LIBYA, TUNISIA, GADDAFI, MUBARAK, THE MIDDLE EAST, PROTESTS, WISCONSIN, OR DEMOCRACY: Take a drink, pretend to be an authority on said subject.

• MUSIC STARTS DURING LONG SPEECH: Drink until speaker has left the stage. (Thanks, Punté).

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