[via Blame It On The Voices]

MORNING LINKS
A word from Mark Wahlberg about the ‘revolutionary new performance water’ he’s launching with P Diddy |Film Drunk|

Christoph Waltz And Quentin Tarantino Also Win The Best Post-Oscars Memes |UPROXX|

In Which Anderson Cooper Discusses ‘Donkey Booty’ Vs. ‘Stallion Booty’ |Warming Glow|

Know your meme. [via Fck Yeah Dementia]

Let’s Break Down The Pacers-Warriors Fight |With Leather|

Juliette Binoche And Four Other Reasons To Be Excited About ‘Godzilla’ |Gamma Squad|

Nicki Minaj In Pasties Is One Reason To Look Forward To French Montana’s “Freaks” Video |Smoking Section|

LOLNFL: NFL Combine 2013
|Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Let’s put some Asian in the equation, shall we? |theChive|

Scientific Reasons to Respect Light Beer |Mental Floss|

The Ex-Files: ‘Dark Skies,’ Terrorism, And The End Of Alien Abduction Movies |Film.com|

Every Celebrity Mocked on South Park Over Its Sixteen Seasons |Vulture|

January Jones Banged Liam Hemsworth Last Weekend |IDLYITW|

Best Group Costume Ever? |HuffPost Comedy|

If This is Light Beer |Holy Taco|

50 Most Traumatizing Moments from Kids’ Movies |College Humor|

Michelle Williams & Jason Segel Broke Up |The Superficial|

Physicist Designs Machine to Pull Creme From Oreos |Clip Nation|

In Memoriam: A Tribute To Red Shirts in Cinema |NextMovie|

’90s TV Nerds: Where Are They Now? |Giant Life|

Lena Dunham Auditions For ‘Zero Dark Thirty’ |Screen Junkies|

12 Now Famous Celebrities You Totally Forgot Were In That TV Show You Watched Once Or Twice |Pajiba|

Jared Leto Got A Dope New Back Tattoo Because Twitter |Videogum|

The Best Athlete Mugshots and Their Look-Alikes |Brobible|

Kendrick Lamar – Poetic Justice (Live on Letterman) |High Definite|

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If I’ve learned anything in all of these years on this crazy spinning rock, it’s that the Internet is a place of many, many, many, many (a million times more) different tastes, and rather than try to understand them all, I should just accept most of them. That’s why when I fell into a Deviant ART wormhole the other day and ended up browsing through something called “morphs” before taking a strange turn into Fat Hollywood, I just said, “F*ck it” and rolled with it. Pun sort of intended.

I don’t really know how to describe this strange exercise in photoshop other than by pointing at the banner pic of an obese Megan Fox and saying, “That.” Basically, from what I can tell, there are a lot of people out there who appreciate the true beauty of some of Hollywood’s most famous and talented actresses, but they’d prefer them to have a little more meat on their bones.

To each his own is what I say, because life is short and we should enjoy whatever makes us happiest. At least that’s a new philosophy I’m trying to embrace these days. So I gathered some of the morphs and FAToshops (trademark pending) of my favorite gorgeous actresses so that we could all see their beauty from a new, well-rounded perspective.

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Here’s an Oscar-themed edition of Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis, starring Christoph Waltz, Anne Hathaway, and Amy Adams, in which Galifianakis asks Waltz:

“Have you ever considered changing your name to ‘Christoph Breakdance?’”

“Do you say the N-word more in Django Unchained, or more in real life?”

He also calls Amy Adams “Cinnamon Muff.” I have nothing to add to this.
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Tom Hooper’s 160-minute adaptation of Les Misérables, aka the Olympics of Piss-Holding, is a “sung-through” musical, meaning there’s no spoken dialog, only singing. In keeping with the style of the film, I decided to format my review to the tune of “All Star,” by San Jose’s finest sun-pop four piece, Smash Mouth. Enjoy.

(*clears throat, tunes guitar*) (*feedback noise*)

Sooome BODY once TOLD me, the SOOONGS were gonna BORE me, I AIN’T a cultured DUDE just a GUUUUUEST…
Anne was LOOKin kinda GLUM with her HAAAAIR up in a BUN, and some DIRT on her FACE, yeah she’s POOR, now… (*DJ scratching*)

Well, the songs start comin’ and they don’t stop comin, BLADDER ’bout to burst gonna piss my pants HONEY
Diggin’ that plot about RE-DEMPT-TION, their WIGS get gross and your HEART gets CHuUUuBBED..

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The trailer for Les Miserables is here, from The King’s Speech director Tom Hooper, and as you can see, it is going to win ALL OF THE OSCARS! Don’t believe me? This is only a partial list of the things you can expect to see in Les Miserables:

• POVERTY!

• SINGING!

• FRENCH!

• WHITE PEOPLE HAVING AFFAIRS!

• HATS!

• CRYING ANNE HATHAWAY!

• FAMOUS ACTORS LOOKING FILTHY!

• FINGERLESS GLOVES!

• A PRECOCIOUS CHILD!

• HELENA BONHAM CARTER LOOKING HOMELESS!

Sorry, other movies, Les Miserables is winning all of your awards. Somewhere, Ben Affleck is sadly putting his beard on a shelf saying to himself, “Next time, old friend. Next time.”

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