Yeah, so the headline’s pretty self-explanamatory. This is the poster for Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, opening March 5th in annoying 3D. It stars Mia Wasikowska as Alice (curiously absent from the poster, as is Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter), Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen, Anne Hathaway as the White Queen, the Cheshire Cat (voiced by Stephen Fry), and Matt Lucas as Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Hey, whatever keeps him from doing another season of Little Britain. I can’t tell if that show is terrible, or if it’s just mediocre and the horrendous laugh track is what makes it seem so loathsome. And I can’t make fun of his weird bald look because he has alopecia, but I will say that those horizontal stripes are doing him NO favors. *bitchily sips flirtini*
[via /Film]
(”ALICE IS SUPPOSED TO BE WAY YOUNGER.”)
Off-kilter font, super pale chicks with cleavage, Johnny Depp in makeup… yep, looks like a Tim Burton movie. This is the newest trailer for Alice in Wonderland (Mia Wasikowska as Alice, Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, plus Anne Hathaway, Crispin Glover, Helena Bonham Carter, and that fat weirdo from Little Britain), just released by Spike TV. It’s more or less the same as the last one, but with a little more footage. It looks to be a faithful adaptation of Lewis Carroll’s tale about how doing drugs is awesome, originally composed for a 9-year-old girl. It sold far better than Carrol’s next two books, This Will be Our Little Secret and No One Likes a Tattletale.
The Valentine’s Day trailer starts with that new Black Eyed Peas song and quickly transitions to a scene in which Anne Hathaway’s character refers to the crazy sex she just had with TOPHER GRACE. “Last night was amazing. Did I hurt you? I used to be a gymnast.” Wow. You guys are really trying to make me vomit, aren’t you? How dare you degrade my girlfriend like that. Did you know Topher Grace used to be in an a capella group back in high school? The Pussies, I think they were called.
On September 17th, watch the famous peoples’ lives intersect in horribly saccharine, unrealistic ways! Oh hey look, another boy in elementary school who’s in love! They should take a picture of him holding a red rose bouquet, then make all of it black and white except for the roses, and then I’ll frame it and hang it on my wall when I get to community college. God I want to curb stomp this movie.
Hugh Jackman has signed on for The Greatest Showman on Earth, in which he plays a surly lumberjack with a deadly secret… ha, just kidding, he’s the lead in a musical about PT Barnum.
An original contemporary musical to be scripted by Jenny Bicks (”Sex and the City”), the film will be produced by Laurence Mark (”Dreamgirls”), Jackman and his Seed partner John Palermo. It is an outgrowth of their work together on the 81st Academy Awards, on which Jackman was host, Mark was exec producer, and Bicks was part of the Emmy-nominated writing team.
The musical also focuses on his infatuation with singer Jenny Lind — the so-called Swedish Nightingale. It follows the old Hollywood tradition in which tuners were scripted with specific actors in mind. The Lind role is being scripted for Anne Hathaway, who teamed with Jackman in his opening Oscars number. Jackman, who won the Tony Award for “The Boy From Oz,” is determined to make several screen musicals, and the Barnum film adds another to the properties he and Palermo are putting together at Fox. [Variety]
I can’t watch musicals, because no matter how hard I try to be accepting, every time someone breaks into song, part of me always wishes Sir Lancelot would burst in and kill everyone with his sword like in Monty Python. And that hardly ever happens (possible American Idol finale?). But boy, Hugh Jackman sure likes to be the singin’ ‘n dancin’ center of attention. He’s like the male Liza Minnelli.
UPDATE: I originally posted this a couple days ago, but the picture quality wasn’t that great. Now it’s up in HD.
After the jump I’ve got the first trailer for Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, starring Mia Wasikowska (Alice), Johnny Depp (Mad Hatter), Helena Bonham Carter (Red Queen), Crispin Glover (Knave of Hearts) and Anne Hathaway (White Queen). The quality’s not the greatest and it’s super CGI-heavy, but my favorite part is when Alice drinks a potion and she starts to shrink and her dress falls off. Excuse me, waiter? My date will have what she’s having.
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