This is the first trailer for Salt (this one’s in English, though a Russian-dubbed one was making the rounds yesterday). It made the “Black List” (the list of the best unproduced screenplays as voted on by Hollywood types) back in 2007, when it was called Edwin A. Salt, and was set to star Tom Cruise in a film by Michael Mann. Mann later dropped out and Hancock director Peter Berg joined the project. Then Cruise dropped out and they hired Quiet American director Phillip Noyce, and re-wrote Cruise’s part for Angelina Jolie, whose character is now named Evelyn A. Salt, which is a shame because everyone knows only c-nty Women Studies professors are named “Evelyn.”
Finally we get a trailer, featuring Jolie opposite Liev Shrieber and Chiwetel Ejiofor, in what looks like a pretty run-of-the-mill thriller, in which the main character may or may not be a Russian spy. It seems like a perfect fit for Cruise, I wonder why he dropped out. I can think of only one explanation — there must’ve been gay people in there. So come on, fess up, who was it? Was it you, Liev? Chuy? Tom Cruise needs to know so he can avoid you.
I’m still on the fence when it comes to loving Family Guy or hating it (it’s hard to judge something where half the jokes make you laugh and the other half make you want to punch yourself). Regardless, I’ve always gotten the feeling that Seth MacFarlane would rather be making broadway musicals (take that for what you will). Recently, he went on Fox’s Talk Show with Spike Ferestein [Editor's note: What? Who?] to sing this mildly amusing musical number. “Valentine’s in Hollywood” references topical matters like Lindsay Lohan’s lesbionity, Tom Cruise’s gayness, and Angelina Jolie’s labia. No matter how you feel about Seth MacFarlane, you have to admit he has a ridiculous voice. Hard to imagine it coming out of a guy in his early 20s like he was when he started. It’s actually terrifying. Imagine getting served coffee by a guy who looks like Shia LaBeouf but has Harry Shearer’s voice. I’d probably just get scared and hit it with a shovel (always my first instinct).
[via BWE]
Jesus. It wasn’t enough to make two unbearably mediocre Tomb Raider movies, now Warner wants to reboot the franchise, which was based on a video game that was never more than “Indiana Jones, but with big tits” to begin with. I love tits as much as the next guy, but never has so much been squeezed out of so thin a concept. Coming soon! Pornstar Eating a Hot Dog: The Future Begins!
The new project is expected to revamp the character [with a new actress] and her mission and bear little resemblance to the original pictures. It will reimagine the origins of the character, her love interest and the main villain. [THR]
Well color me excited. A thousand bucks says the new version involves parkour.
Wanted was recently released on DVD. I watched it. Here is my 30-second review:
Wesley Gibson was schlubby douche loser. In fact, he was such a nobody that a Google search on his name turned up zero results, even though his name is WESLEY GIBSON. Then, one day, HE FOUND OUT HE WAS A SUPER RICH ASSASSIN! So he joined a fraternity of assassins. Assassins who were also weavers. Weavers who pledged their loyalty to a giant, mechanized loom their ancestors built 1000 years ago. Wait, what? They had mechanized looms 1000 years ago? SHUT UP! I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE HEAD! YOU’RE NOT EVEN MY REAL FATHER!
Morgan Freeman: “Motherf-cker!”
The End.
Despite rumors that she might have to drop out, Moviehole reports that Angelina Jolie is officially signed on for the thriller Salt (which used to be called Edwin A. Salt when Tom Cruise was attached to play the lead).
Meanwhile, the poster for The Changeling (trailer here) has been released. They obviously chose to focus on Angelina’s lips, perhaps her most recognizable feature. I like the idea, but given the subject matter I think they could just as easily have used a picture of the kid suckling at her teats, which are equally recognizable. Also, apparently you’re not supposed to refer to them as “teats” in the heat of passion. Or poke them and make moo sounds. Well pardon me your majesty.
[IMPA]
