Oh, rich white chicks. Is there anything they love more than directing period piece love stories? Today brings us the trailers for two such stories. The first for the British royal Madonna drama, W.E., the other for Angelina Jolie’s tale of forbidden love in the Balkans, In the Land of Blood and Honey. Sidenote, I really enjoy the phrase “Madonna drama.” “Sorry, Roy, I won’t be coming into the plant today.” “Aw, Bill, that’s too bad. What’s the matter?” “Oh, you know. Just Madonna drama.”

The trailer for W.E. is above. Here’s the rundown:

W.E. is a romantic exploration of the mysterious connection across decades between two women confronting the consequences of desire. Caught in a loveless Manhattan marriage, abused and frustrated Wally (Abbie Cornish) obsesses over Wallis Simpson (Andrea Riseborough), the stylish American divorcee who captured the heart of Edward the VIII (James D’Arcy) who abdicated the throne as King of England. As the Duchess of Windsor, Wallis spends the rest of her life in the glare of celebrity exile. Inspired by the Duchess‟ determination to pursue love in the face of social exile, Wally escapes into the arms of another man (Oscar Isaac) whose love sets her free. [LiveforFilms]

Oh no, you mean he gave up his duties as England’s fake king for a life of rich, white, NON-ROYAL leisure? My stars, love truly does conquer all. What a brave man, to give up all that ceremonial title for… (*checks wikipedia*) …a governorship of the Bahamas followed by a 30-year retirement to France. Thanks, Madonna, this story is truly an inspiration to us all. (I got through approximately 25 seconds of that trailer. You?)

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Forbes recently released their list of Hollywood’s ten highest-paid actresses and– AW GOD DAMMIT, KATHERINE HEIGL?! ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!? (*kicks puppy*) Aaaanywhoo, Sarah Jessica Parker, everyone’s favorite punching bag (horse jokes in the comments in 3, 2…) landed in the top spot, tied with Angelina Jolie at $30 million.  Rounding out the list are some other actresses you probably don’t like and Meryl Streep, a national treasure. Bash Reese Witherspoon all you want, but if you badmouth Dame Streep I will fight you.

1. Angelina Jolie, $30 million
1. (tie) Sarah Jessica Parker, $30 million
2. Jennifer Aniston, $28 million
2. (tie) Reese Witherspoon, $28 million
3. Julia Roberts, $20 million
3. (tie) Kristen Stewart, $20 million
4. Katherine Heigl $19 million
5. Cameron Diaz, $18 million
6. Sandra Bullock, $15 million
7. Meryl Streep, $10 million

Parker hasn’t strayed far from her association with fashion-lover Carrie Bradshaw from the hit TV show Sex and the City. In 2010 she starred in the second Sex movie, which earned $290 million. She’s designing clothes with Halston and she has a line of best-selling fragrances, including NYC, which brought in $18 million in 2010.
[Forbes]

That Kristen Stewart and Cameron Diaz make the list is obnoxious, but not as bad as Katherine Heigl. During the period Forbes examined to create their list, May 2010 to May 2011, Katherine Heigl made two movies, Killers, with Ashton Kutcher, which barely broke even, and Life As We Know It, with dynamic firebrand Josh Duhamel, which, surprisingly, made a decent amount of money. Those Rotten Tomatoes scores were 11% and 28%, respectively. I have to assume she made most of her money on Grey’s Anatomy residuals. Since that’s the show that introduced us to fecal transplants… I suppose the world does owe her a debt of gratitude. Not a $19 million debt, certainly, but… well, at least Kate Hudson didn’t make the list.

It's gonna be a long season.

Think of the blandest, most generic movie idea you can imagine, and then immediately forget it because it’s so bland and generic, and then have it re-written by a team of lawyers, and you basically have Salt.  This was a movie so bland and generic they wrote it for Tom Cruise.  Then when he dropped out, they made it anyway with Angelina Jolie.  Who apparently saw Tom’s prep work and assumed part of the character was running like a spaz.  Remember that movie?  Of course you don’t.  Well now Sony has decided it needs a sequel.  Get ready for Salt 2: The Spazzening.

Kurt Wimmer has begun writing it for Angelina Jolie to reprise her role as Evelyn Salt, the CIA agent who spent the first movie running for her life after being outed as a Russian spy. The studio smartly left open a window for a possible sequel at the climax of the original, which was directed by Phillip Noyce.
Jolie wants to do to do the Salt sequel if it comes together right. I’m told that Wimmer has officially signed on and is working away. The original grossed around $300 million worldwide for Sony Pictures. [Deadline]

I can’t imagine anyone wanting to see this as a movie, but as something to help people fall asleep on planes it could make a mint.

"And in this scene, he rapes her in a tree."

You might remember that Angelina Jolie is currently shooting her directorial debut in Eastern Europe.  The plan was to shoot in Bosnia, but her permits got pulled after people protested because they heard it was about a love story between a Serbian rapist and his Bosnian victim, which turned out not to be true and her permits were reinstated, but she decided to cut short the shooting schedule anyway and film most of it in Hungary.  …I digress.  Nonetheless, the untitled film, shot both in English and in the local dialect,  is shaping up to be a huge blockbuster, as Jolie is considering converting it to 3D.  Wait, did I say 3D?  Because I meant black and white.

While it was shot in color, Jolie is considering releasing the film in black and white saying, “It’s shot in color but it could transfer to black and white. We haven`t decided that. I can show you… we put a series of pictures together in black and white and it was beautiful. But the important thing is I want to make sure that we make a film for people who just want to go to the movies to watch a love story. To not be put off by anything that seems too heavy. So we want to walk that fine line to make it accessible to everybody because it’s important for as many people to see it.” [Playlist]

Hmm, let’s see if I have this straight: you wanted to make an accessible, light love story… so you shot a black and white film with local actors in the war-torn Balkans?   Gee, Angie, I don’t know if that’s light-hearted enough, perhaps you could make it a choreopoem.  Set in one of those rusty, abandoned factories in the Ukraine, using only the color grey.

I’ve got lots of stories from this weekend to cover, but I’ll be damned if I spend all week playing catch up. So here are some of the headlines:

The Scream Awards happened. (Dammit, Aronofsky, not again! Quick, get the hose!) Last night, Blake Lively presented her Green Lantern co-star Ryan Reynolds the award for “Most Anticipated Movie,” Hollywood’s most coveted award, as decided by the president of show business.  I guess those Oscars are looking pretty stupid now, eh, Streep?  They also revealed the first photo of the power battery from Green Lantern, about which I know nothing, but gather may be of interest to huge dorks.  Also, they showed a trailer for Scream 4 which you can watch below.  It’s at least as fascinating as that sounds.  Oh, and it may still be titled “Scre4m.”  Airing Tuesday, the show promises to be Spike’s most important work since Blue Mountain State. [ComingSoon]

Mel Gibson has a cameo in The Hangover 2.  Gibson will play a tattoo artist in the film, which is set in Thailand.  By now, it’s a tired cliché that every broad comedy has to have a cameo from a big star in the middle, but give Todd Philips credit for at least having the balls to have his be Mel Gibson. Ten bucks says the studio was pushing for Betty White as Galifianakis’ wacky grandma. |WWTDD|

Angelina Jolie’s rape movie got its permit back.  Bosnia originally denied Jolie a permit to film there after it was rumored that the film was about a Bosnian woman who falls in love with her rapist, a Serbian soldier.  Jolie has since been given permission to shoot there, which presumably means the culture minister read the script and the rumors were wrong, although it is suspicious that he’s recently been seen gallivanting around town with a new blade on his plow.   [Yahoo]

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