“This are the censors that create a virtual skeleton of Karl’s body, and these are the lumpy man tits that keep him from getting proper acting roles.”

Classically-trained British thespian Andy Serkis is famous for being the man pretending to be a chimp learning to become a man who taught us all what it means to be human in Rise of Planet of the Apes, grunting and pooping in a grey leotard as many a producer hailed his performance as “So, so brave,” clapping slowly in awe, eyes welling up with tears. Serkis was so inspired by the work that he’s set up his own Imaginarium Studio, “to develop the art of motion capture in the UK.” Gollum University, I like to call it.

Thanks to heroes like Andy Serkis, we’ll never again have to see a Jurassic Park where soulless dinosaurs are moved around by puppeteers or controlled by mechanical animatronics. They’ll be given heart, soul, and emotion, by people who know how mythical creatures and extinct beasts should feel. Actors! Wearing spandex!

Anyway, Serkis’s Imaginarium announced they’d be producing a motion-capture take on George Orwell’s Animal Farm a few months back, and he recently gave BBC News a tour of his facilities.

They do important work.

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This 12-meter (39-foot) gollum sculpture created by WETA (the same company that allows Andy Serkis to infuse gollums and chimps with the soul of a thespian) now greets arriving passengers at the Wellington airport in New Zealand’s capital. And why not? They’ve already put Hobbits on the money. Look, New Zealand, just rename the whole country Hobbiton, or The Shire, or Middle Earth already. Clearly you’ve peaked and you might as well capitalize. Call the country The Shire and residents can be hobbits – it’s just as well, not that many people knew what “Kiwi” meant anyway.

The sculpture, created by Weta Workshop, was installed overnight and unveiled this morning ahead of next month’s premiere of The Hobbit.
Three 4-metre-long fish is suspended in front of the Gollum sculpture complete with bubbles as he dunks his head underwater to catch a fish with his hand.
Weta Workshop’s Sir Richard Taylor said Gollum was the obvious choice as the airport had previously featured a sculpture of the character for The Lord of the Rings movie.

“Sir” Richard Taylor was of course named “Knight of the Realm of New Zealand” when New Zealand’s Exalted Ewe (the head of state) Ben Chaddocksworth touched him once on each shoulder with a smoked salmon sandwich, whereupon he signaled his acceptance of the honor by chugging cider from a boot. “Squim squam squibble!” chanted the crowd happily, as is their custom.

“Wellington Airport feels like the home of Gollum after spending so many months here during the last three films.”
Crews spent four months creating the installation, which is predominantly made out of polystyrene, using Weta Workshop-designed robotic technology as well as chainsaws to carve the pieces.
The work showcased the skill of the Weta Workshop staff, from fine artists, to building and design.
Japanese fine art sculptor Masayuki Ohashi took the workshop’s design and made it into a reality, using chainsaws to carve out the fish and Gollum pieces.
“It was a very exciting project to work on,” he said. The installation would help introduce Wellington’s film industry to the world, Taylor said. [Stuff.NZ]

I like to imagine that the construction of the new Airport Gollum was the lead news story in New Zealand every night for six months, covering every aspect if its design, construction, transport, and installation, with every breathless reporter an antipodean equivalent of Huell Howser.

“Now, tell us how you got the Gollum here down to the airport.”

“Well, we used trucks.”

“On trucks? Well that is amAYzing!”

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YOU ARE A MONKEY, DEREK!

Yes, folks, this is real. This is not a test of the Emergency Unintentional Parody System. Andy Serkis – the man who “played” Gollum and Caesar the chimp in Rise of Planet of the Apes – has announced plans to direct and star in a motion-capture take on George Orwell’s Animal Farm. Presumably, the man who pretended to be a chimp pretending to be a man and taught us what it means to be human, will now play a pair of pigs who become human in order to embody the horrors of totalitarianism. The metaphors… I’m dizzy…

The Imaginarium has negotiated the rights for a feature film adaptation of George Orwell’s classic tale, Animal Farm.
“Both The Bone Season and Animal Farm are perfectly suited to the Imaginarium,” said Imaginarium’s Jonathan Cavendish. “With Animal Farm, we will reinvent this iconic story for a new generation, using the unique storytelling techniques offered by performance capture. The acquisition of these two projects marks an exciting time for all us at The Imaginarium.”
Serkis and Cavendish will serve as producers on The Bone Season; Serkis will direct and act in Animal Farm and produce along with Cavendish.
“We are delighted to officially announce our involvement in bringing this classic yet controversial fable to life, hopefully allowing it to resonate for our times with a combination of a fresh perspective, real emotional heart, a great deal of humor and satire,” said Serkis. “By utilizing performance capture, a deeply talented and committed cast of actors will be able to explore and fully inhabit Orwell’s fairy tale world where ‘some animals are more equal than others.’” [Imaginarium press release via Deadline]

Oh my God, a room full of leotard-suited actors playing pigs and horses and sheep while Andy Serkis in a pig nose stands on a ladder earnestly shouting instructions into a bullhorn he’s holding with his hoof-hands… “TOMMY! Is that how you gallop? Quit lying to us, man! Stop acting like a horse and start becoming one! Can someone get him some oats? Christ, the man acts like he’s never worn a feedbag before… And Linda, you don’t start pecking yourself until my second bleat. Got it? Places, everyone! (*squeal*)”

ALL OF THE OSCARS.

Death of a Superhero plays the Tribeca Film Festival next month, hits VOD and iTunes April 17th, and gets a limited theatrical run May 4th. It tells the story of a 15-year-old played by Thomas Sangster who retreats into a world of comic book superheroes while battling terminal cancer and becomes determined to get laid. It’s set in Ireland, because if he was Mexican, he’d already have three kids (hey! who typed that?). The film is also notable for starring Andy Serkis in a rare role he doesn’t have to perform in a wetsuit covered in ping pong balls. I’m pretty sure acting like a chimp is actually super easy, so it’ll be interesting to see if he can make the jump to a role where he has more than two lines and doesn’t throw poop at anyone. I kid, I kid. Of course he can! He’s A BRITISH THEZZBIAN!

Oh, here, I made a poster. I wanted to play up the Andy Serkis angle a little more.

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Thanks to Frotcast listener Jeremy for this video, which asks the question, ‘What if War Horse pooped a lot?’ I definitely could’ve done with more pooping in the original. Especially when it poops so majestically. Which is a credit to Andy Serkis, really. Compare this to previous Frotcast-inspired videos The Nazicutioner, Jim Carrey Reads a Love Letter with His Ass, and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Inception. We’re inspiring important work.

MORNING LINKS
COMEDY COMEDY COMEDY! My show tonight in San Francisco is ALMOST sold out. Won’t you help me sell it out? It’s got James Adomian from Comedy Bang Bang and Jamie Lee from Last Comic Standing and it should be great. |FacebookEvent|

Speaking of, check out this week’s Frotcast. |Frotcast|

One ‘Community’ Character Will Die: Let’s Place Odds |Warming Glow|

5 Reasons “Comic Book Men” Stinks |Gamma Squad|

Sports, Illustrated: In Celebration Of Alex Morgan’s Body Paint Bikini |With Leather|

Henry Rollins’ awesome letter to Chris Farley from 1995 |Film Drunk|

Here Are 40 Pop Culture Valentines To Warm Your Cold, Jaded Heart |UPROXX|

Hugh Hefner’s son beat up a Playmate. ALLEGEDLY. |TheSuperficial|

No one’s watching Oprah’s stupid network. |Videogum|

Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer was robbed at machete point. Or machete blade, really. |TheDailyWhat|

10 red flags to watch out for on Valentine’s Day. |HolyTaco|

8 things from Star Wars more unethical than Han shooting first. |ScreenJunkies|

Here’s redhead Katlynn squashing her big boobs together. |GorillaMask|

NYU Girls’ Newt Gingrich Slumber Party |Buzzfeed|

Katy Perry’s gaze magnetically drawn to Rihanna’s cleavage, wants to kiss a girl |FARK|

Japanese Man Breaks the World Record for Cracking the Most Nuts With His Butt |The FW|

Lara Croft Cosplay Takes a Dark Turn |Unreality|

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