I know what you guys are thinking, the last Twilight movie is just weeks away, and then it will be gone, a hole left in your heart like the time your cat Renesmee tried to kill you and your husband had to beat it to death with his C-Pap mask. But chins up, there’s more Stephenie Meyer goodness on the horizon! Here’s the first full trailer for The Host, based on the book by Stephenie Meyer, directed by In Time’s Andrew Niccol and starring that chick from Atonement, Slainte Ronin I think her name is, about a future where aliens are taking over humans’ bodies. At least, until they try to take over the body of one white chick, WHOSE LOVE IS SO POWERFUL IT COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING!

“Human bodies take a lot of getting used to. They’re not like the others we have inhabited. Their emotions are powerful.”

SPARKLE ME, ALIEN! SPARKLE ME RAW!

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With The Hunger Games poised to pick up the young-chick-lit-for-adults mantle from Twilight when the movie hits today, it’s time for Stephenie Meyer to ride her sparkly horse of abstinence off into the sunset, right? WRONG. Stephenie Meyer ain’t goin nowhere, son. The Host, Meyer’s 2008 novel written while editing Eclipse (the second to last Twilight book), is also the subject of a film adaptation coming next year. And if Meyer’s writing isn’t your bag, it’s being directed by Andrew Niccol of In Time, which I heard was great (*armpit fart*). It’s hard to tell much about it from the teaser below, but I gather that the theme is, uh… eyeballs. (This might be the least teasing teaser ever).

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Variety today reports that Will Smith has narrowed his next project down to two possibilities.  One of those is Men in Black 3, the most anticipated movie of six years ago.  You might wonder how bad the other one is for there to even be a choice…

Penned by Andrew Niccol, The City that Sailed revolves around a New York street magician who is unhappily separated from his young daughter. The girl, who moves to London, finds magic candles that make her wishes come true, with unintended consequences: The island of Manhattan separates from the continent and floats toward England, bringing her dad ever closer. [Variety]

Alternate title: Hope Floats. Anyway, at this stage, no one knows which way he’s leaning.  But according to my exclusive source who was behind Will Smith at a Starbucks recently, he overheard Smith telling his agent, “I whistled for some crap, and when it came near, it was full of magic candles and the title was queer!  If anything, I could say that this script was rare, but I thought, hell, I’ll do it. I’m rich bitch, who cares!”

*Roger Rabbits over to the corner*

Will Smith and his I Am Legend director Francis Lawrence are teaming up to produce a film about… a magician.  See also: Man-Witch, Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Mandrake the Magician, Harry Potter, The Prestige, The Illusionist...

Written by Andrew Niccol, The City That Sailed follows a New York City street magician whose daughter, because of family circumstances, lives in England. In exploring a lighthouse one day, the girl discovers a room with magic candles and wishes to be reunited with her father, causing the island of Manhattan to break away and drift across the Pond. [THR]

I’m guessing those family circumstances involve “my dad’s a f-cking street magician.”  But it looks like I was all wrong about this movie.  It’s actually not a magician movie, it’s a kid-makes-wish-that-comes-true-in-order-to-repair-relationship-with-father movie.  My gosh, I wonder why no one‘s ever thought of that before.  Hold on, I think I have an idea for the next family comedy: a fetish porn star switches bodies with the family dog.  Danny Masterson, Richard Karn, and Lana Wachowski star in Ruff Trade.