In the past few weeks, we’ve learned many things about Steven Seagal, not the least of which being that Above the Law was autobiographical, Steven Seagal knows the truth about both Brandon Lee’s death and Iran Contra but doesn’t want to talk about it, and Steven Seagal would’ve won a Nobel Prize for On Deadly Ground if he hadn’t been so ahead of his time. What’s next for a man such as this? A kimono’d bluesman with debatable Russian roots and a penchant for poonani? A movie with UFC middleweight champion and light heavyweight dabbler Anderson Silva, apparently. My sources tell me it may even include martial arts!

Anderson recently told Estadao (via Fighters Only) that he has received a script for a cop movie with Seagal, and he’ll be filming in the US starting soon:

“I will make a lot of fight scenes and this is also the first time I will act. I received a long plot and I will have the opportunity of putting in practice what I have been studying for some time”.

Apparently Silva, who already has a bunch of commercials on his resume, has been working on his acting with his director friend Johnny Araujo:

“Actually, he found out this side of me. I can say that he was my mentor in the acting art. He has been helping me so much with it and I will prepare myself each time more in order to make it well done”, he promises.

“I don’t want to be seen as somebody who caught the role because I am on the media and to be a fighter. Of course it is difficult, I am not Lorenzo Lamas, but I want to do it well done to the people see that I am a good actor.” [BloodyElbow]

The quote was translated from its original Portuguese, which may be partly why it sounds so awkward. Otherwise, this would be the first time in history anyone has ever said “I’m a decent actor, I mean, I’m no Lorenzo Lamas, but I’m okay.” But you have to remember, “Lorenzo Lamas” is simply Portuguese for “Philip Seymour Hoffman.”

In any case, I look forward to an interracial buddy cop movie with a background of Rush Hour-esque cultural clash, where Anderson Silva plays the brash young detective who’s always grooving to hip hop and dancing like Michael Jackson, while Steven Seagal plays his gruff old salt of a partner who’s always falling asleep on the shitter eating a hoagie.

[thanks to Fightlinker for finding the perfect picture to accompany this story]

At UFC 148 tomorrow night – for which there will be a live discussion at With Leather, so join me or else – Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen will have their long-awaited rematch from UFC 117 in 2010. As you should all certainly recall, Silva defeated Sonnen in the 5th round by submission after Sonnen dominated the entire fight. After the fight, though, it was revealed that Sonnen tested positive for elevated testosterone, and he was subsequently banned for a year.

And this recap was very important, because Silva’s mentor, guru, and spiritual father, Steven Seagal, wants everyone to know that the field is even this time and “his guy” is going to defeat Sonnen again. Said Seagal back in June:

“I think this time, they’re both going to be at their best,” Seagal said on The MMA Hour with Ariel Helwani. “I don’t think there’s going to be any controversy, I don’t think there’s going to be any injuries. I think two great fighters are going to go out there and have it out, and I think my guy’s going to win. My guy’s going to win handily this time.”

Seagal also revealed to Helwani that Silva had cracked ribs, or maybe they were bruised. He’s 60, so what the hell does he remember? But that doesn’t mean he’s too old to square off with a former Strikeforce light heavyweight champ like Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante. And if you’ve sat here in the past and mocked Seagal for his preposterous martial arts claims, well prepare to be proven wrong.

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So back in June, I posted video of Seagal “training” UFC middleweight champ Anderson Silva.  From the looks of the video, he taught Silva mostly techniques that are illegal in MMA, like karate chops to the neck and eye gouges (not to mention that he didn’t seem to be able to wrap his mind around the fact that Silva is a southpaw).  Fast-forward to Saturday night, when Silva won his title fight by rare, front-kick knockout.  The teep kick is a Muay Thai move, usually used defensively, but it’s been used as a weapon before, and it was probably only a matter of time before someone scored a knockout with it is an awesome move, and what makes it even more amazing is that Steven Seagal totally invented it!

ever seen someone in a combat sports match knock someone out with that kick?

STEVEN SEAGAL: [taken aback] …Well nobody knows the kick. I’m teaching it to [former light heavyweight champ and Silva training partner Lyoto] Machida and Machida-koon [?] and Anderson and a few of the Brazilians, but, we haven’t really used it much yet.  I haven’t shown it to many people yet.

ARIEL HELWANI: How did you get in touch with Anderson?

STEVEN SEAGAL: Anderson actually sent me a memo, saying ‘will you please teach me your deadly stuff?’ [video via CagePotato]

Anderson Silva won his fight because Steven Seagal showed him a deadly move that NO ONE ELSE KNOWS: the mysterious “front kick.”  Do not doubt for a second that Steven Seagal believes this to be true one hundred percent.

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If you saw Anderson Silva’s last few fights, you undoubtedly got the feeling the guy was just screwing around.  As if to drive that point home, here he is “training” with 7th-degree Aikido black belt Steven Seagal.  Aikido practitioners who’ve successfully transitioned to the world of Mixed Martial Arts include [citation needed].  So, what could a champion with 12 consecutive wins like Anderson Silva learn from a guy who looks like he’d get his ass kicked by any adversary not made of sandwiches?  Judging by the video, eye-gouge submissions and karate chops to the back of the neck.

But despite teaching techniques that have been illegal in MMA since forever and 1997, respectively, you can tell Steven Seagal an expert because he’s wearing MMA gloves.  What Anderson Silva may not be aware of, however, is that one of the unfortunate side effects of becoming an aikido master is developing a “unique physiological reaction to arousal.”  Which in Seagal’s case means farting the entire score of Hard to Kill on a Vuvuzela.   There’s also the matter of those pesky rape charges, but my travel agent assures me that groping is completely legal in Brazil.  Strangely, the video never shows Seagal’s most important advice: if all else fails, use a bar napkin filled with a pool ball.

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I haven’t posted a UFC-star crossover movie in a while now, but fear not because Never Surrender is here, and it looks almost as good as Beyond the Ring. It stars George St. Pierre, Rampage Jackson, B.J. Penn, and Anderson Silva.

Never Surrender is an erotically charged, controversial action-thriller set in the world of underground street fighting where an MMA fighter who has been drawn into the world by an erotic and sexy promoter, quickly realizes that there is no way out, other than death. [IMDB synopsis - written by the director]

Sounds uh, erotic.  Look, I love MMA and I love movies, but the combination really doesn’t work.  It’s like saying, “Hey, people like basketball.  Why don’t we make a movie about basketball, but more exxxtreme! We’ll get LeBron James to star in it, and he’ll do crazy dunks from half court and shit!  Wouldn’t that be badass?”  No.  No it wouldn’t. 

This basically looks like WWE, but more rap-metally.

[via Yardbarker]