Have you ever been on a plane that kept hitting freaky turbulence or been cut off by some fascist stewardess trying to enforce some never-agreed-to dress code that involves pants? Well save your airplane horror stories, Julieanne Moore, you’ve still got nothing on a group of Qantas passengers last week who looked out at the wing on their flight from Cairns, Australia to Port Moresby, New Guinea, only to see a 10-foot scrub python on the wing, trying to reenact Nightmare at 20,000 Feet. It’s weird, a snake on your plane wing is actually a confusing mix of fears, like trying to dodge sharks while you’re prematurely ejaculating.
QF191 was about 20 minutes into its 6.15am flight from Cairns to Port Moresby on Thursday when a woman pointed outside the plane and told cabin crew: ”There’s a snake on the wing … There’s its head and if you look closely you can see a fraction of its body.’
But unlike Samuel L. Jackson’s 2006 fictional Hollywood blockbuster in which a nest of vipers causes death and destruction on a jet…
…this reptile was concerned only with self-preservation.
Nice, bro. Knowing what I know about Australians, it would be disappointing if no one shouted, “Thet’s naught a snoyke…”
While some passengers scoffed in disbelief, she was correct. Rick Shine, a snake expert at the University of Sydney, said the specimen was a ”very uncomfortable” scrub python, the longest snake in Australia.
Or, ALTERNATE SCENARIO, Ice Cube, who happens to be on the plane, jumps up and demands to know, Anaconda-style, “Yo dey got snakes out dere dis big?”
”There’s no way it could be anything else,” he said. ”They’re common in north Queensland. They’re ambush predators and if there are rodents anywhere nearby, they’ll most likely be in the vicinity. They often find their way into tight ceiling spaces in houses, although I’ve never heard of one on a plane until now.”
So you’re saying Qantas has rats? Are you sure they didn’t just confuse a baby kangaroo for a giant rat? That was always happening on Looney Tunes.