Watch the trailer for Crank 2: High Voltage below.  In the meantime, The Stath describes the action:

Oi, ‘appy Froiday, ya worfless cunts.  ‘eah’s da new traila fa moy new movie, Da Transpor’a paht Crank: Da Deafrace.  In da beginnin’, oy’s all loike, “Moy naime ees Chev Chelios…” an’ den you’s expectin me ta say “…an’ todaiy’s da day oy doy.” But a course oy didn’ doy, ovvawoise oy wouldn’ be maikin da fock’n movie, now would oy ya cunts?  Anyway, in da movie, some Choinese cunts ‘as replaced moy ‘eart wif an art a fisho ‘eart, and da batt-ery only lasts one hour.  So den oy’s only got one hour ta droive round in sazz wagons, go boatin, knob birds, punch out some Mexican blokes wif tattoos onna face, an foind da cunts dat ‘as stolen moy real ‘eart (which a course is made a gold, donnit). Ovva den dat, Oy knob an old woman, attach a sazz wagon battery to moy nippos, groind a bloody rail wif me sneakas, an’ finga blahst a cigarette loighta.  Cunts is already sayin dat dis is da Staf’s most realistic movie eva.

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On the left we have Dead Snow, featuring chainsaw-decapitated Nazi zombies, while on the right we have Crank 2, with metal fingers, track marks and high voltage.  I’m gonna have to give a slight edge to Crank 2, if only because it has Jason Statham’s name on it.  The name alone is worth at least three Cannibal Corpse albums.  Plus, the Stath wouldn’t need a chainsaw, he decapitates Nazis with his dick.

[via Rush Print and IMPA]

Friday free for all is the time of the week when I post videos that are good.  Send your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com.

Oi, da Staf’ ‘eah.  So in dis scene, Oy’s Chev Chelios, an Oy’s worried dat Oy’s gonna doy unless oy knob dis fit bird – Oy fink it’s loike some koinda me’aphor for loife, donnit.  Roight, so dere Oy am inna middle a da fock’n Choina town, troyin ta give ‘er a knobbin, but she don’ wanna cuz dere’s too many Choinese cunts just standin’ round.  But Oy keep troiyin anyway cos it ain’ loike Oy got anyfing betta ta do, now doesn Oy?  So den Oy’s still troiyin ta get me knob wet when all uvva sudden da bird punches me roight inna Chevy Chase.  Oy’s stunned for a bit, but den Oy fink to moyself, “Oi, so dat’s ‘ow we’s gonna play it den, innit?” an’ Oy staht rippin da bird’s clovves off.  Den a course da fock’n bird finally decoides she fancies a shag, cos nuffin changes a bird’s moind loike pushin’ er down an tearin’ ‘er clovves off.  Anyway, Da Transpor’a or Crank or whateva it’s called, it’s a noice bloody fock’n movie.  Oy fink da moral a da fock’n story is dat all birds loike a good knobbin, no matta where dey is or ‘ow much of a foight dey put up, even if sometoimes you ‘ave to rip deir clovves off in fronna some Choinese cunts.  It’s a story as old as toime, innit.

Happy new year indeed. Crank 2 has finally showed the world how you make a red band trailer (video slightly NSFW for language and brief nudity). Keep an eye out for the Jenna Haze cameo. Statham commentary to follow.

Oi, cunts, da Staf ‘ere. Oy donno if you cunts rememba, but a whoile back, dis French cunt wiz troyin ta say dat da Staf’s characta in da Transpor’a pahts one an two wiz gaiy.  Now, whoilst da Staf ain’ got nuffin against da gaiys, if a cunt calls da Staf gaiy, Oy’s ain’ got no choice but ta do everyfing in moy powa ta prove da cunt wrong, now doesn’ dey?  So dat’s whin Oy stah’ed callin’ cunts on da fone an sayin’, “Oi.  Moy naime ees Chev Chelios, an’ todaiy’s da day Oy doy.”  Oi, you cunts rememba dat movie, donnit?  Roighto, so long story fock’n short, Oy’s doin’ anuvva Chev Chelios movie, an’ dis toime, oy’s shaggin da birds roight on da camera.  So if some cunt comes along an troys ta say dat da Staf is a gay, you kin just point to da fock’n screen an say, “Oi, cunt, if da Staf is gay, den whoy ‘as ‘e got ‘is dong stuck in dat bird?” An’ da cunt’ll probly feel well stupid, cuz what koinda gay ‘as got ‘is knob inna bird?

After the jump, I’ve got the red-band trailer for Mirrors, the crappy horror movie starring Kiefer Sutherland and Amy Smart. You can see the original trailer here.

Creepy little kids…  Creepy things happening in the mirror… Boy, this is shaping up to be the scariest movie of 1978.   Plus, they put the Regency and 20th Century Fox logos backwards – because it’s about mirrors, get it?? Let me know if I need to slow down…  I think I most identified with the part at the beginning where Keifer says, "The mirrors… they’re so clean!"  I’ve often said that, but usually in more of a rueful, why-can’t-there-be-anymore-coke-left sort of way.   We’ve all been there.

And in case you like this player better…