Big news on the Superman front today, as Amy Adams, that little fiyah crawtch with the see through brar in The Fightah, has been officially announced as the new Lois Lane in Zack Snyder’s upcoming Superman movie. That means that despite Lois Lane traditionally being a brunette, she’ll probably be a redhead, just like Mary Jane Watson, Jean Grey, Black Widow, and Pepper Potts.  Man, it’s almost as if Hollywood is run by Jews or something.

Snyder remarked, “Second only to Superman himself, the question of who will play Lois Lane is arguably what fans have been most curious about.”

I sincerely hope you never had an actual argument about that.

“So we are excited to announce the casting of Amy Adams, one of the most versatile and respected actresses in films today. Amy has the talent to capture all of the qualities we love about Lois: smart, tough, funny, warm, ambitious and, of course, beautiful.”

Well of course, beautiful.  We couldn’t very well have a list of all the attributes we pretend to care about without the one we actually do care about, now could we? She has everything we want: cupholders, satellite radio, wifi, a four megapixel camera, and of course, tits.

Amy Adams will star opposite Henry Cavill, who plays the new Clark Kent/Superman in the film. The main cast also includes Diane Lane and Kevin Costner, as Martha and Jonathan Kent. [ComingSoon]

I kid, but it’s hard to upset about this casting.  Who knew a superman movie would actually get a real actress?  A two-time Oscar nominee, no less.  I mean, nothing against Kate Bosworth, but… name two Kate Bosworth movies. And no, she’s not the one from Save the Last Dance.  As long as Zack Snyder doesn’t get his hands on the musical choices, this might actually turn out okay.  Put it this way, Sucker Punch had “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)”, “Where is My Mind,” and “White Rabbit.”  If he makes a Superman movie without “Jimmy Olsen’s Blues” and that Three Doors Down song, it’ll be a miracle.

"POW!"

The Fighter, David O. Russell’s film about a couple a hahd workin, gritty fackin blue cawllah hahd ons from Southie starring Mahky Mahk and Christian Bale, opens in about 10 days, and Spike Jonze wants to make sure you see it.  Jonze and O. Russell are apparently buddies, and Jonze recently emailed SlashFilm hoping they’d post a Fighter trailer that Jonze thinks is better than the one that’s been going around.

I’M A BAWXAH, TAWMMY, GET THAT IN YO-AH HEAD!

Hey Peter -
Spike here. I’m writing on behalf of my friend David Russell [O., are you? -Wes Anderson], regarding his new movie The Fighter. Did you get a chance to see it yet? How insanely great is Christian Bale?

Can you do me a favor and post this 2 minute trailer called “Pressure” on your site? [attached after the jump]

The trailer that they put out originally makes the film feel a little generic and I just want to help David get the word out. I got to see it a few weeks ago, and I loved it, and if all you saw is the trailer that’s out, you might not know that it’s as interesting and strong as it is.

Thanks for your help!
Spike

Bottom line, I’m pretty bitter that another movie blogger gets personal emails from probably the most positive force in the movie business and I don’t. (I mean Eli Roth texts me d*ck pics from time to time, but I’m pretty sure he has the wrong number.)  What am I, chopped liver?  What, did you think, that I’d use that picture from the Marky Mark workout video for the article?  …Touché, Jonze, touché.

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Just when I thawght I’d put this whole fackin’The Town in my reahview, comes ‘The Fightah’, stahrin Mahky Mahk and Christian Bale. Wid all the fackin’ Bawston movies comin’ out, it’s almost like da Sawx won anothah series. I gawt fackin’ Bawston movies comin’ out my eahs ovah heah. Mahky Mahk stahs as Mickey Wahd, who was like the fackin’ Wes Welkah of bawxin’.  Maybe nawt da best, but good enough to compete wit da dahkies, which is pretty fackin’ good fahr a blue collah hahd on from Soutie.  I sweah ta gawd, Mickey Wahd would throw a punch, and it’d be all like POW!, just like that fackin’ Mahky Mahk workout video.  True stawry: I once sawr im stawmp some Toony at Gloansy McGloans at the pahty aftah Squeezebawx’s who-ah sistah married Boogah Lips O’Shea.  WHAT, YOU DON’T BELIEVE MY FACKIN’ STAWRIES NOW, YOU QUEAH?  YOU CALLIN’ FACKIN BOOGAH LIPS A LIAH?!

Anyway, Mickey’s fackin’ knucklehead brothah was his trainah, but he kept gettin’ him inta trouble, so he left fa someone eltse.  An’ his brothah was all, “WHAT, AH YOU TOO GOOD FAH YOAH OWN FLESH AN’ FACKIN BLOOD NOW?  YOU GREW UP HEAH! YOU KNOW DA RULES!”  Then I think the brothah gawt addicted ta crack a somthin’. I don’t remembah what happened aftah that, but dat hawt fiyah crawtch from Chahlie Wilson came out in ‘er brawr an’ panties and punched some othah brawd in the face.  That was my favorite paht. Ruined a fresh paiyah a shawts.

[via ThePlaylist]

Here’s the first trailer for David O. Russell’s The Fighter (HD version at Apple).  It’s quite a departure from David O. Russell’s usual twee-ish comedies I Heart Huckabees and Flirting with Disaster (and to a lesser extent Three Kings).  It stars workout video king Mark Wahlberg as boxer Micky Ward and Christian Bale as Ward’s ne’er-do-well half brother, Dicky Ecklund.  Ward was originally slated to be played by Matt Damon, and Ecklund by Brad Pitt, but as this belly shirt I’m wearing says, sh*t happens. Moving on, 1:28.  That’s how far into the trailer I was before I realized the skinny weirdo with the greasy hair and bald spot was Christian Bale.  How the hell does he do that?

Anyway, Mahky Mahk is a bawxah, but really he’s just a hahd workah.  A blue collah guy who’s gawt one last shawt at the big time.  Christian Bale plays his knucklehead brothah — “I’m ya trainah, Micky, can’t ya see that, ya fackin’ hahd on?”  And he’s all like, “Micky, you ah sittin’ on a winnin’ lawttery ticket heah, an’ youah too much of a pussy ta cash it in! I’d do anything to have what you’s gawt, you queah!  Now go out theah and bawx like ya queah haht depends on it, like Welkah lined up in the slawt. “  And then Marky Mark meets Amy Adams and he’s all like, “Hey, ya like apples?  How ya like these apples?  My fathah picked ‘em in prison.  He don’t get out much.  I’m about ta leave this whole town in my reahview.  I betcha been readin’ a lawt a that Gahdon S. Wood, that queah.”  And she’s all like, “Aw, Micky, you ah so retahded.”    “You ah.”  “GO SAWX.”  (*they kiss*)  Fin.

From the writer of Slumdog Millionaire comes Leap Year.  Amy Adams wants to marry her long-term boyfriend, Adam Scott, only he’s kind of a fruity gaywad, so she goes to Ireland.  But on the way there (*RECORD SCRATCH*) hijinks and cultural misunderstandings ensue.  Then, while she’s chasing what she thought she always wanted (*CAR SCREECHING TO A HALT*) she finds love in an unexpected place (i.e., in a really handsome guy who just showed up all of a sudden, and they didn’t like each other at first, but then they kept being forced together, almost as if it was fate…).  But just when she thinks she’s found happiness with her new guy, the free spirit who changed her whole perspective on sh-t (*DOUBLE RECORD SCRATCH*), her boyfriend shows up and pops the question.  Boy, I hope all this happens in the first five minutes before a pterodactyl attack, because otherwise, they just told you the entire movie.