The long, Broadway death march of Spider-Man: Turn of the DAAAAAAAaaaaahhh claimed another victim this week as it was reported that America Olivo (above) would be replacing TV Carpio (right) after Carpio suffered an unspecified injury during a performance.  Honestly, dangling actors from cables above the stage should not be this hard.  This isn’t a play so much as amateurish trapeze.

Carpio, who plays the enigmatic villainess Arachne, was sidelined from the show for two weeks after an onstage injury during the March 16 performance.  Carpio herself was a replacement for the original actress playing Arachne, Natalie Mendoza, who withdrew from the show after sustaining a concussion in November. [EntertainmentWeekly]
After more revisions, a brief shutdown and more rehearsals, the opening night for Spider-Man will be June 14, the producers previously announced. [Playbill]

Just to recap, in a musical about Spider-Man with music by U2, an actress named “America” replaced another named “TV”.  If I didn’t know better, I’d think this whole story was poorly-translated satire.

Julie Taymor’s Broadway version of Spider-Man with music by U2, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, cost a reported $65 million, which is a lot considering Kick-Ass only cost about half that and probably has way less singing.  It’s hard to say where the money went, but apparently it didn’t go to safety.   Actress Natalie Mendoza, who played the villain “Arachne”, suffered a concussion after being hit by a rope this week and had to be replaced by understudy America Olivo (pictured), a former Playboy model (giggity).  It’s strange, because your mom takes ropes to the face all the time, and she seems fine.

It’s the third accident to beset the troubled production that boasts the most complicated aerial stunts ever assembled for a Broadway show.
In October, aerialist Kevin Aubin broke both his wrists when he slammed down onto the stage during a flying stunt performed as part of a presentation for ticket brokers and group-sales agents. In a separate incident, another actor broke his foot while rehearsing the show. |NYPost|

I don’t get it, haven’t they been Peter Panning people through the air during stage shows for like 100 years? Seems like they’d have that figured out by now.  Or maybe it’s just really hard to hold onto your harness when you’re mid Jazz Hands.

Meanwhile, the Post reports that the producers of the show saw the sketch Conan did above and “the real Spidey team isn’t laughing.”  Oh boy, FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

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After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for Bitch Slap, but to be honest, I’m giving you the best parts with these screencaps.  It seems to be a movie about tits, but apparently these tits went to college and got all uppity or something (that’s why I only date dropouts).

BITCH SLAP is a post-modern, thinking man’s throwback to the “B” Movie/Exploitation films of the 1950’s – 70’s, as well as a loving, sly parody of the same. Inspired by the likes of Dragstrip Girl;, Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill; Kung Fu Nun and the pantheon of Blaxploitation films, BITCH SLAP will mix girls, guns, outrageous action and jaw-dropping visuals with a message… don’t be naughty! [Apple]

A post-modern tits and violence movie, eh?  I guess that means I have to roll my eyes derisively while I ‘bate.  Oh, and full disclosure, Mr. Skin says this one contains only ‘brief nudity.’  Pass.  I’m not saying nudity’s the only reason to see a movie — it’s not the dark ages, you can get fetish porn at the public library now — just that when you take away the promise of nudity in this one, you’re left with horrible acting and warmed over Tarantino references.  Note: ‘Campy’ is not the same thing as ‘funny’. Have you ever camped? It sucks. You basically drive out to the woods and pretend to be poor.

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