Here we have the latest trailer for Gulliver’s Travels, starring Jack Black, Emily Blunt, and Jason Segel, in 3D. There’s a lot you could say about a movie that turns Jonathan Swift’s 18th century satire of politics and religion into a fish-out-of-water comedy starring Jack Black as “a little guy with big dreams,” but probably nothing so succinct and definitive as “Jack Black gets wedgied by a robot.”
As far as I’m concerned, Jack Black Gets Wedgied by a Robot is the new title.
As we learned a few days ago when the poster broke, nothing says pointed, 18th-century satire like Jack Black, 3D, and awful puns. Now we have the full Gulliver’s Travels trailer. The original Jonathan Swift book had four parts — In part one, Gulliver landed on the island of Liliput, a land of warlike, tiny people one twelfth the size of regular humans. In part two, he goes to Brobdingnag, a place of enormous, peaceful folk. Part three is the flying island of Laputa, “a kingdom devoted to the arts of music and mathematics but utterly unable to use these for practical ends,” (and Danny Trejo’s favorite thing). In part four he goes to a place where wise horses rule over “Yahoos”, base, repulsive humanoids.
As far as we can tell from the trailer, Jack Black’s modern-day Gulliver (shockingly, he plays a slobbish man-child) only gets as far as Liliput. From there, he parties with the little people and teaches them the customs of his land, likeBlack Knight meets Fred Claus, but with less elf rapping. Oh God. Please let there be no elf rapping. To be honest, it doesn’t look as horrible as the tagline might suggest. And yet there it is again, thrown down at the end of the trailer it’s the ace of spades. Really, you guys? “BLACK IS THE NEW BIG?” That’s what you got? “This summer, Jack Black redefines the concept of size.” Please tell me someone’s favorite niece came up with that.
I’ve been in a locker room before. Black is the old big.
When it comes to bringing out the awkward and uncomfortable and skeeved out in interview subjects, no one touches MTV Movies Blog. It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these, but Steven Seagal was probably my favorite. This week they spoke to John Cusack and Amanda Peet. While Peet comes off down to Earth and eminently cuddleable, John Cusack IS IN NO MOOD FOR YOUR SH*T, BUDDY. I realize they’re on the tour for 2012 so he’s already on the defensive, but he treats the interviewer’s cardboard boombox prop from Say Anything as if it’s a live rattlesnake.
Granted, there doesn’t seem to be any actual question other than, “Hey, check out this boombox,” but still, Cusack acts like he suspects he’s being made fun of and all this is highly irregular. Hey, John. This is 2012 we’re talking. No one’s gonna ask you about your character. “Tell us about Jack Curtis. Why’s he always running from supervolcanoes?” He comes off like a prick when all he really had to do was smile and play along. Next time, and this goes for Cusack and all actors on silly press tours out there, just ask yourself one simple question: What would Paul Rudd do?
Roland Emmerich’s epic disaster porn comedy 2012 has a new trailer, and GRR, CALIFORNIA’S STILL GOING DOWN! And so is the Jesus statue in Brazil, and the Himalayas, and Mecca, and anything else I can remember from geography! Save us, John Cusack, by bellowing like a constipated moose! Anyway, it’s basically the same footage we saw in the five minute clip they released the other day, so I’m not really sure what the point of this was. Then again, I’m not really sure how a plane can take off only to fly underneath a subway car either. Planes usually go up, don’t they? Chaos reigns! Down is the new up! The Mayans decreed it!
A five minute video from 2012 (see: ROLAND EMMERICH MASTURBATES TO CAR WRECKS) made its way around the net last week, and is already infamous for having some of the most ludicrous action ever committed to film. Now someone has re-cut that same five minutes into an “actors only” version (which lasts a whole 1:26). I like this version because there aren’t any giant collapsing buildings or gasoline trucks being sucked into the earth to detract from John Cusack’s guttural f’ck screams. I imagine Roland Emmerich-film acting is a lot like porno-film acting, only you don’t get to have sex, and the director has weirder fetishes. And it’s more embarrassing to tell your family.
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