Oh hey there, Jessica Chastain’s boobs

The Guillermo Del Toro-produced Mama debuted at number one over the weekend, once again proving that modestly-budget horror movies are the closest thing to selling legalized crack. It also benefited from the lead actress’s Oscar nomination coinciding with its release. I didn’t see it, but I’ve been sneaking up behind all my friends and whispering “…mama.” all weekend. Meanwhile, Broken City, Allen Hughes’ first solo-directed film without his brother, Albert, with whom he directed Menace II Society, Dead Presidents, and Book of Eli, landed down at number five, with a fairly uninspired nine million. Let’s face it, you dump a movie starring Mark Wahlberg and Russell Crowe into a mid-January release, it’s a pretty good indication that that movie is a fartbomb.

Estimated domestic box office totals for Friday to Sunday.

1. Mama (Universal/Entertainment One) NEW – Cinemascore: B-; Metacritic score: 58

$28,100,000 in 2,647 theaters; PSA (per screen average): $12,530; Cumulative: $28,100,000

2. Zero Dark Thirty (Sony) Week 5; Last weekend: #1

$17,600,000 (-28%) in 2,946 theaters (+9); PSA: $5,974; Cumulative: $55,945,000

3. Silver Linings Playbook (Weinstein) Week 10 ; Last weekend: #10

$11,351,000 (+126%) in 2,523 theaters (+1,713); PSA: $4,499; Cumulative: $55,310,000

4. Gangster Squad (Warner Brothers) Week 2; Last weekend: #3

$9,100,000 (-47%) in 3,103 theaters (unchanged); PSA: $2,936; Cumulative: $32,220,000

5. Broken City (20th Century-Fox) NEW – Cinemascore: B; Metacritic score: 49

$9,000,000 in 2,620 theaters; PSA: $3,435; Cumulative: $9,000,000

But perhaps the biggest story of the weekend is that The Last Stand, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s return to the movies after a nine-year hiatus spent banging maids and governing states, which had all the country’s most obvious-minded critics shouting “Arnold Schwarzenegger is back!”, debuted all the way at number 10, with an estimated $6.6 million.With its $45 million production budget, Indiewire estimates that Lionsgate could be looking at a $50 million loss, unless it makes it up internationally. Though that doesn’t factor in The Last Stand‘s Corvette sponsorship money. But not only did hardly anyone see it, the ones that did gave it a fairly lukewarm B cinemascore. Which is odd, because the Rex Ryan-esque man sitting next to me at my screening kept yelling “HA!” so loud at every joke I thought he was going to shake loose a molar. I didn’t like it that much, but… I don’t know, it seemed like a crowd-pleaser. It does seem weird to have so many hyper-violent, R-rated movies that otherwise seem to be aimed at 10-year-olds.

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In the same vein as Paris je T’aime, I Love You, New York is a compilation of short films set in New York from a bunch of different directors including Brett Ratner, Allen Hughes and Randy Balsmyer — who I’d never heard of, but has a name that rivals “Chad Farthouse.”  Scarlett Johansson also directed a segment but it didn’t make the cut, which in light of the fact that a Brett Ratner segment did, has to feel like getting picked last for kickball when Steven Hawking’s on the playground.

I’m not too interested in this, perhaps because I live in New York and every time I hear someone say “Only in New York!” I want to peel off the skin of their face with a claw hammer, and I just can’t stomach the thought of a two-hour love letter to why it’s “the best place on Earth” or “the center of the universe.”  Kinda like when I lived in San Diego and couldn’t go two days without hearing someone brag about the weather, or hear how they called their cousin from Chicago to make him jealous because of the weather and how good the weather is and is so much better than the weather in Chicago, because Chicago doesn’t have as good a weather.  I get it, dude, it’s warm here.  Find a f*cking hobby.

[also available in HD at Apple]