Miley Cyrus is set to star in So Undercover [originally titled "I'm Like, Sooo Undercover"], a harrowing tale of an 18-year old girl who looks like she’s 15, playing a private investigator who infiltrates a college sorority in order to solve the case of the experimental friendship. And while I may have made that last part up, it would be the only saving grace of an otherwise unoriginal and annoying idea.

But Miley’s sleuth masterpiece has a cast now, as she’ll be joined by Mike O’Malley of Glee and that one show from CBS with that other forgettable comedian, and Jeremy Piven. O’Malley will play Miley’s father (Miley O’Malley… LO’L!) while Piven will play a guy who desperately needs to sit down with John Cusack and figure out what’s going on before it’s too late.

Move some hair from my butt to the front of my head, Variety…

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Sony announced today that Frank Coraci (The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy, Click) has been hired to direct the Kevin James MMA movie (“Mixed Martial Farts?” “Paul Blart: Mall Cro Cop?”).  I guess it could be worse, they could’ve gotten the guy from I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.  Anyway, I doubt either of these “directors” does more than set up lights and head down to craft services while Sandler shoots the movie.

Deadline revealed the film when it first took shape last fall, with James playing a physics teacher who moonlights as a mixed martial arts fighter to raise money and save the music program his students love. He makes it all the way to the UFC. Sony was eager to be back in business with James after Paul Blart: Mall Cop turned into a sleeper hit, and Coraci’s The Zookeeper tested so high that Sony slotted the film for released on July 8, 2011.

So basically, Sony took a script by Allan Loeb, the worst screenwriter in Hollywood, based on an MMA-saves-the-rec-center idea I came up with in five seconds while making fun of Never Back Down three years ago, and THEY CAN’T GET IT INTO THEATERS FAST ENOUGH! MORE COCAINE!  I imagine this will do for the UFC what Hulk Hogan’s Santa With Muscles did for the WWE.

If Kevin James doesn’t win at least one of his fights by farts and/or groin shots, everything I know about the world is wrong.  “Winner by tap out due to… farts?”

Yesterday must’ve been crappy movie trailer day, because after I posted Yogi Bear and Big Momma’s House 3, Adam Sandler’s latest film, Just Go With It hit.  So how do you make a crappy Adam Sandler comedy better?  Bring on the guy who wrote I’m Like Sooo Undercover and that one about the evil Jason Bateman doll to turn it into a more “commercial” rom-com.  Chick movies!  Adam Sandler movies!  Together!  This could make a billion dollars!

Anyway, the plot is, Sandler uses fake families to get laid, but when he finally meets a girl he likes, he needs his best friend Jennifer Aniston to pretend to be his wife so that they can get a fake divorce.  Jennifer Aniston with a male best friend?  Gosh, I wonder how this will turn out. I enjoy that they put Sting’s “Doo doo doo, da da da, is all I want to say to you,” on the trailer soundtrack.  I think this script took less time to write than those lyrics.

(On the plus side, I made you this Brooklyn Decker gif. She’s bouncy. Click to animate.)

If you’re not familiar with Allan Loeb, he’s a screenwriter who has writing credit on practically every third movie, most of them terrible. He’s the guy who wrote Wall Street 2 (“I know it sounds like Star Wars, love, but you could do it, you could be Captain America“) as well as the upcoming Kevin James uses MMA to save the rec center movie, a concept so horrible I’d been using it as a joke for two years before he pitched it (not the only time this has happened, sadly).  Today, he’s in the news as a co-writer on a film Miley Cyrus will star in, which was first reported by our favorite nerds at Pajiba, when it was called, and I stress that I’m sh*tting you not, I’m Like Sooo Undercover. (Now it’s just So Undercover).

It’s a teen action comedy about a young, female private eye who goes undercover at a Florida college sorority in order to protect the daughter of a mob accountant.” How is it being described? As Mean Girls meets Miss Congeniality. [Pajiba]

Tom Vaughan (“What Happens in Vegas”) will direct from a script by Allan Loeb and Steven Pearl. “There will be a touch of real danger too when she goes undercover. We have a sharp, funny, accessible and commercial script from Allan and Steven that is a perfect match for her comic talents. We are also thrilled to have Tom Vaughan at the helm,” Sinclair said. [Variety]

Haha, he just referred to Miley Cyrus’ “comedic talents.”  Though to be fair, that movie where she had to save the sea turtle eggs from a raccoon sounded funny as sh*t.

Between Tropic Thunder and proving himself a real got damn American at UFC 120 last week, it’d be hard to build more good will than Robert Downey Jr.  Still, I can’t help but be disappointed that he’s producing (with an eye to star) an adaptation of Neil Strauss’s Emergency! This Book Will Save Your Life, which Allan Loeb is scripting.

After the last few years of violence and terror, of ethnic and religious hatred, of tsunamis and hurricanes–and now of world financial meltdown–Strauss, like most of his generation, came to the sobering realization that, even in America, anything can happen. But rather than watch helplessly, he decided to do something about it. And so he spent three years traveling through a country that’s lost its sense of safety, equipping himself with the tools necessary to save himself and his loved ones from an uncertain future. With the same quick wit and eye for cultural trends that marked The Game, The Dirt, and How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, Emergency traces Neil’s white-knuckled journey through today’s heart of darkness, as he sets out to move his life offshore, test his skills in the wild, and remake himself as a gun-toting, plane-flying, government-defying survivor. [official book description via /Film]

So the dude version of Eat, Pray, Love, basically.  Hey, how about an adaptation of The Dirt instead?  That’s like the best book ever.  Who wouldn’t want to see Nikki Sixx de-groupie-smell his wiener by sticking it in a breakfast burrito?  Anyway, around the time I did the 10 worst lines from Wall Street 2 post, I got ahold of Allan Loeb’s script, only to find that a good eight of the 10 worst lines weren’t even in it.  So maybe it was whatever coked-up chimps Oliver Stone got to work on it after Loeb who were really to blame.  But with a resume that includes 21, Wall Street 2, The Switch, The Dilemma, an upcoming Adam Sandler comedy, Kevin James’ MMA-saves-the-rec-center project, and now this, until proven otherwise, I have to assume Allan Loeb is a human version of Awesom-o.  And yet he can’t go a week without getting a new job.  Do people in Hollywood actually watch movies?  I have to assume they don’t.