This is the first five minutes of Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day, opening in limited release October 30th. Here’s where you can see it (mostly on the coasts).

Oh Troy Duffy.  He never met a stupid movie cliché he didn’t try to sloppily date rape.  The movie begins with the two Irish brothers in hiding, where they’ve grown bushy beards and long hair — because that’s what people in hiding do.  Soon, they cut it all off to symbolize them coming out of hiding — because that’s what people coming out of hiding do.  And they do it all… SET TO A HOMO-EROTIC ROCK MONTAGE!  Hey, Tawmy, did you see da soap and fackin watah running down da crack of dat guys’ ass?  And he was all covahed in tattoos a somethin.  It’s gawt me so fackin’ hawt!  But not cuz I’m queah a nuthin.  Dis fackin movie rawks so hahd. Go Sawx!

The plot is basically that some bad guys killed the brother’s favorite priest.  So then the brothers are all:

“Didja hear dey shot da priest?”
“While ‘e was prayin’.”
“Mahther of marcy.”
“Well you know what we ‘ave to do now, dan’t ya?”
“Prayin’?”
“And shootin’.”

Then there’s a gratuitous flashback to the first movie crowbarred in there, because Troy Duffy was all “Hey, queahs, remembah how fackin’ great I was?  Let’s do shawts.”  Anyway, I can’t wait for this movie.  It’s the cinematic equivalent of watching a gorilla finger paint.

(“E spiritu santo, a salaam alaikum, go Sawks.”)

Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day has a poster, and surprise, it depicts praying and shooting.  Critics are already calling it the prayingest, most shooty movie of 2009.  All your favorite characters are back — chinstrap, Tawmy, Squeezebox, Harelip Steve — for the most eagerly anticipated sequel of Kappa Sig pledge week.

The sequel finds the brothers MacManus hiding out in Ireland from their bloody past. Boston isn’t quite finished with them however; the duo returns to right a wrong after they receive word of a murdered priest. [MTV]

Someone shot him??  While he was praying??  The dastard!  Anyway, you gotta love Troy Duffy.  He proves dumb people can be pretentious too.

Read the rest of this entry »

To me the best thing that came out of Boondock Saints was the documentary about what a blowhard writer/director Troy Duffy is.  Four months ago Duffy announced that a sequel had been “officially greenlit”, which, coming from Troy Duffy, could just mean he did a couple lines with a guy who said he was a producer.  In any case, Duffy was recently a guest on WJFK 106.7 in DC, and he revealed some plot details.  And by details I mean a play-by-play of the entire thing. Sorry for all the words, but this is Troy Duffy speaking after all.

“You kind of wonder what has happened to the brothers [Editor’s Note: No I don’t] … They have been living way back in the valleys of Ireland with their father on a family run sheep farm, way beyond the reach of technology or men. Way out there. It’s been sort of a bucolic existence, hard working pioneer-esque type stuff. They have long hair and beards, and stuff like that. You get the sense that they’ve been hibernating to come back. And there is an event that transpires in Boston. A priest murdered in a church and the body is rigged to make it look like the Saints did it. The one guy that the brothers and father have contact with is Il Duce’s brother. So he gets the first notion of this, puts his jeep in gear and tells the brothers what happened. And without even thinking of it the boys are up and out of there … they cut their hair, dig up their rosaries, strap on their guns, and they’re gone! [Cue annoyingly self-important slow motion montage sequence] And Dad has to stay back because something is wrong with him, and you can tell he doesn’t have much time left. So when the brothers smuggle themselves back to the US, back to Boston, in a very understandable way. And one of the guys they meet along the way is a Hispanic American named Romeo. And Romeo ends up becoming like the third brother or saint, fourth I guess if you’re gonna consider Billy. He’s a lot more of a bad ass than Rocco was. But his comedy is that he wants to be a lot more a part of this. So there is a lot of humor that comes from that. He’s hopefully going to be played by a friend of mine named Clifton Collins, who was in Capote and Frankie Flowers in Traffic.”

Anyway, blah blah blah.  You can read the rest over on /Film, but considering what an overrated hunk of shit Boondock Saints was, I’m guessing that if this ever gets made it’ll just be a bunch of slow-motion, over dramatized action sequences that you never had reason to give a shit about in the first place.  OMG, time to put your Boondock Saints poster back up!  You’ll be the coolest guy at the post-rave afterparty!  No way, the shooting and the praying was my favorite part, let’s be fake friends!

[Thanks to Robo for the tip]