(Fun for the whole family while the women do the dishes)
In the new Hollywood, where projects get greenlit based on corporate partnerships and licensing opportunities, the fun part is watching people try to tell a story where the jumping off point is a board game, and the goal is a story so meaningless it couldn’t possibly offend anyone. Hasbro and Universal are partnering on a film based on Battleship. Of course, Battleship the game was about ships fighting each other. But who will fight whom??? The good guys, that’s easy, they have to be an international coalition, like the new G.I. Joe. But who would they fight? You can’t sell it to a country you blow up! Solution? According to Latino Review… aliens.
Back in Sept it was reported that Universal Pictures is doing a live-action pic based on Hasbro’s naval combat board game “Battleship” with Peter Berg at the helm. Universal already has a set date to release the film on August 5, 2011.
Berg himself has said that the film is a contemporary story of an international five-ship fleet engaged in a very dynamic, violent and intense battle, BUT he didn’t say anything or give any details about the enemy. THAT WAS TILL NOW.
A source has confirmed with me that the enemies will be ALIENS!
You sunk my flying saucer! Hey, isn’t the whole premise of the game battleships vs. battleships? Does that mean the aliens will have battleships in this? And they can look sort of humanoid? In fact, I think it will save everyone a lot of time if we just make the aliens look like the Japs.
A lot of people are predicting Neill Blomkamp’s District 9 to be the sleeper hit of the summer, and now we’ve got a full-length trailer. (Trailer also available in HD at Yahoo)
Thirty years ago, aliens made first contact with Earth. Humans waited for the hostile attack, or the giant advances in technology. Neither came. Instead, the aliens were refugees, the last survivors of their home world. The creatures were set up in a makeshift home in Johannesburg, South Africa’s District 9 as the world’s nations argued over what to do with them. [Yahoo]
The film was shot documentary-style, and as you can see from the trailer, robots also seem to factor into the plot somehow. Anyway, the humans fear the aliens, so they marginalize them from society and control their movements, and the aliens’ frustrations eventually makes them violent, which only proves to the humans they were right to stick them in ghettoes all along. Anyone else smell a parable for Palestinians, or some other ethnic minority group? Then again, the director’s South African, so it might just be an allegory for how much he hates black people. They can get away with that in South Africa. Why? Diplomatic immunity.
I posted a trailer for Niell Blomkamp’s District 9 the other day, which a lot of people are predicting to be the sleeper hit of the summer. In the first version, there was a scene in which an alien was being interrogated and they had his face blurred like a cop show, which I thought was sort of charmingly goofy. But apparently that’s not going in the final movie, because in this trailer his face is unblurred and he has subtitles.
The only question now is whether I can take two hours of South African accents. It really is an awful-sounding accent. Or maybe it only sounds awful because of Lethal Weapon 2. Here’s a fun game: next time you meet a South African, no matter what they say, just point your finger pistol at them and go, “…It’s just been revoked.”
Neill Blomkamp is a dirty, stinky South African (I naturally assume the former based on the latter) filmmaker whose short films gained him a fan in Peter Jackson, who hired Blomkamp to direct the now-scrapped movie adaptation of Halo. This is a Blomkamp joint called District 9, and it’s a faux-documentary about an alien invasion. But, like, as a parable for race-relations and crap.
The film is done documentary style and tells the story of an alien race that comes to Earth for an unknown reason. They attempt to settle in South Africa but encounter fear, anger, and racism (speciesism?) from the locals. Like the short it’s based on, District 9 plays as a not-so-subtle analogy for past and present human race relations and segregation. [FSR]
Anyway, the effects look pretty cool, and judging by the alien-with-disguised identity interview at the 1:09 mark, it also has a sense of humor. Having a sense of humor about yourself is important, which is why I wear this foam cowboy hat during lovemaking. It says ‘#1 Lover’.
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Some dork from MTV bravely risked a mauling to interview Steven Seagal just weeks before he returns to his den for winter. The topic? Under Siege 3.
“There are offers and we’re looking at them. I personally want it to be something more modern. In other words… I wouldn’t mind if it was about something more mystical or…maybe extraterrestrial in nature. …Some real government top secrets instead of just the typical.”
Gary Busey had a reality show. Steven Seagal doesn’t seem too busy. Anyone else thinking what I’m thinking? If we team these guys up for some sort of combination nature/self-help show it would be the most amazing thing ever. Just put them together and roll tape. Busey stalking coyotes, Seagal foraging for berries; both while delivering cryptic, mystical and biblical platitudes. Oh my God I deserve the Pulitzer for this.
