“THERE’S GAAAYS IN THEEEEERRRREE…”

Tom Cruise was in the headlines recently because he was shooting All You Need is Kill at Trafalgar Square in London, and la di da, I’m Tom Cruise and I can’t do anything without everyone making a big deal about it because I’m such a big movie star…

The top London tourist attraction was completely closed off to the public as Cruise dropped in from the air in full military uniform to shoot All You Need Is Kill. A number of large army tanks were also on the scene and extras could be seen wearing helmets and khaki ponchos over camouflage gear. [Telegraph]

All You Need Is Kill, which co-stars Emily Blunt and Bill Paxton, opens March 14, 2014; Doug Liman (The Bourne Identity) is directing the film, which is based on Hiroshi Sakurazaka’s book.
The plot is set in the near future, in which a hive-like alien race, called Mimics, have landed on Earth, destroying cities and killing millions; the world’s armies join forces for a last-stage battle.
Cruise portrays Lt. Col. Bill Cage, an officer who has never seen a day of combat when he is unceremoniously demoted and then dropped into battle. Within minutes, he is killed while taking an alien down with him.  But he awakens back at the beginning of the same day and is forced to fight and die again — and again, like a sci-fi version of Groundhog Day, as physical contact with the alien has thrown him into a time loop. [HollywoodReporter. Picture via Collider]

If you were forced to relive the same day over and over again and you couldn’t die and nothing you did mattered, wouldn’t you eventually just run around punching and screwing everything, or was this a weirdly revealing moment for me?

Meanwhile, the Telegraph also notes that one of the upcoming projects Tom Cruise is signed on for is a remake of Van Helsing. I can’t believe that’s a real thing and not something I hallucinated. It’s like I’m stuck in this time loop where I have to relive crappy movies over and over again, just because I accidentally brushed Stephen Dorff’s elbow at a porn shoot once.

You may remember that back in March, Fox pulled their promos for Neighborhood Watch, a Ben Stiller/Vince Vaughn/Jonah Hill comedy being directed by the Lonely Island’s Akiva Shaffer, at least in Florida, as a result of similarities between that trailer and the Trayvon Martin shooting. For good measure, they even renamed it The Watch. Luckily the movie is more about aliens anyway, so now instead of old guys cruising their neighborhood looking for hoody-wearing troublemakers, we see them hanging around the supermarket trying to decide who might be an alien. In a nicely-meta twist, we even see Vince Vaughn’s character ridiculing a child for not knowing how to eat ice cream properly. HAS OUR VINCE VAUGHN PHOTO-MEME BECOME SELF-AWARE??

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There’s a new Battleship trailer on the web, and once again Universal has failed to incorporate commenter Stallonewolf’s near-perfect tagline “Let the bodies hit D-4.” It’s sad, but we do get a more revealing look at what the aliens will look like in the $200 million board game adaptation. The answer is Boba Fett/Halo dudes with Predator mouths for hands, basically.

"E.T. PHONE AGENT."

In addition, we get to see how the red pegs of the board game will be incorporated into a movie about ocean-going aliens, since I know that was a big question on everyone’s minds. “The aliens will shoot them and make stuff ‘splode,” being the answer to that one. Still, no reveal yet of who’s going to be the one to deliver, at the climactic moment, that signature dialog “YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!” You know it’s going to happen. It has to. I can’t wait. I’m going to be so excited I’ll probably throw my coke at the screen and punch the guy next to me. “USA! USA!” I’ll shout, pouring liquid butter down my pants. That’s what the cinema is all about.

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Here we have the trailer for Attack the Block, opening this Spring in the UK (no release date set in the US yet), which is basically Shaun of the Dead, but with aliens instead of zombies, and a group of black kids instead of Simon Pegg. (Think of how much Run Fatboy Run could’ve been improved using the same method!)

The story is, aliens attack a housing project in South London, and the street kids who live there (including Frost, who plays a drug dealer) have to fight back.  It looks promising, mainly because there was a kid with this haircut, and it was nothing short of a revelation:

Is that… a sideways brohawk?  That is… incredible.  That is the new coolest haircut of all time. Friends, I write a popular movie blog. I wear fashionable clothing. I use only the freshest colognes and body sprays.  I generally like to think I’m pretty cool.  But I know one thing for certain, and that’s that, as cool as I might be, I will never be “sideways-brohawk” cool.  Aw, man. I just got really depressed.

[via Empire]