"IT'S CALLED A GAT!"

Last we heard about Channing Tatum’s upcoming The Son of No One, it was met with crappy reviews at Sundance, but that wasn’t going to stop our good friend C-Tates from becoming the hardest twerkin’ playa in da Hollyweird game. Sure, the movie still doesn’t have a release date in the U.S. and it is set to be released on DVD in Brazil in October, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily doomed.

At least it’s not stopping the studios from releasing a new HD trailer to try and change our minds. Granted, this trailer isn’t much different from the first one, and I’m pretty sure if you watch them both back-to-back you’ll figure out the entire plot, but that shouldn’t take away from the pure joy of experiencing a C-Tates joint. Besides, if you can’t at least giggle at the idea of Tatum’s character being named White, then I just can’t be friends with you anymore.

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Aw, that’s exactly like my Twilight fan art. Some solid Photoshop work there too. -Thanks to Eibmoz for the tip.

MORNING LINKS
A-List Time Travel: Your Favorite Celebrities Re-Imagined in Different Eras |UPROXX|

This Is Art. Jersey Shore Performance Art |Warming Glow|

Walmart Closes MP3 Store, Nobody Cares |Smoking Section|

The Best Athletes and Other Stars from the 2011 Teen Choice Awards |With Leather|

Of Course There’s an Iron Man Porn Parody |Gamma Squad|

PICTURED: Al Pacino as Phil Spector.

Someone made a naked statue of Selena Gomez and J-Biebzz. |TheSuperficial|

David Thorne has a new post up. I haven’t read it yet, but really, do I need to? |27bSlash6|

I agree with Jeremy Irons and his stance on women’s bottoms. |Videogum|

Here’s Gia Maria McCool almost naked. I bet those are totally real. |GorillaMask|

They’re making a cologne out of Patton. Hope it smells like the guts I use to grease the treads of my tanks. |HolyTaco|

Jon Stewart rips on Newsweek for their dumb cover picture. |TheDailyWhat|

The story behind the giant inflatable rat at union protests. |MentalFloss|

When Bad Movies Happen to Good Actors |FARK|

Pop Culture’s 20 Greatest Dancing GIFs |Pajiba|

5 Ludicrous Jurassic Park Movie Vehicle Toys |Topless Robot|

Why Religious People Are Nerds |College Humor|

10 Famous Fictional Characters You Didn’t Know Were Based on Real People |Buzzfeed|

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The Tony Awards happened last night, and if you’re so inclined, you can read about all the winners here (CONGRATULATIONS, JOHN LARROQUETTE! EVERYTHING’S COMIN’ UP NIGHT COURT!) and watch videos here.  But for our purposes, we’d rather focus on this here picture of 71-year-old Al Pacino, showing up to the event with his 31-year-old girlfriend and wearing a righteous headband like a boss (CAT SCRATCH FEEVAH, RAN NANT REEEER…).  I’ve been sitting here trying come up with the perfect caption for this thing, but unfortunately I’ve drank so much coffee that I’ve lost the ability to think laterally.  I went to the bullpen, and Danger Guerrero surprised me with a Carlito’s Way reference:

“You think you big time, you gonna f*ckin’ DYE big time.”

Not bad, not bad. Meanwhile, all I could come up with was an actual quote from Scent of a Woman:

“Yes, Mr Sims, there’s only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah! Are you listenin’ to me, son? I’m givin’ ya pearls here.”

Accompanied by this visual:

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This John Gotti biopic project, which always sounded more like some slimey producer’s wishful thinking passed off as reality over starlets and cocaine than an actual movie that was getting made, is really happening, at least if Variety is to be believed.  And Variety uses insidery slang like “thesps” and “helmer”, so I have no reason to doubt them.

Al Pacino has joined the cast of indie mob drama Gotti: Three Generations opposite John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Joe Pesci, and Lindsay Lohan.  Pacino will portray Gotti associate neil Dellacroce.  The film will be directed and rewritten by Barry Levinson — who replaced Nick Cassavetes last month — with additional writing by James Toback. Levinson and Toback teamed more than two decades ago on Bugsy.

Toback last directed the documentary Tyson, and is one of the great Hollywood blowhards, in the style of Robert Evans.

Preston will play Victoria DiGiorgio, the wife of John Gotti Sr. The couple’s daughter, Ella Bleu Travolta, will play the role of their daughter, Angel Gotti. Joe Pesci is on board as Gotti deputy Angelo Ruggiero and Lindsay Lohan will play Kim Gotti, the wife of John Gotti Jr. [Variety]

It was mostly the lack of any well-known directors or writers that caused everyone’s skepticism about this project, along with the fact that producers who use Lindsay Lohan for publicity don’t have a great track record. Toback and Levinson are certainly known, but Levinson’s recent track record… ain’t great. His last couple projects were the HBO movie starring Pacino as Jack Kevorkian and a 30 for 30 documentary, but in terms of features that actually opened in theaters, you have to go all the way back to What Just Happened in 2008,which was panned and largely unseen, as were his films Man of the Year, Envy, Bandits (it got 65% on RT, but trust me, it sucks)…  pretty much everything he’s directed since Wag the Dog, in 1997.  Long story short, this movie probably isn’t going to be good, but I get the feeling the making-of, with its intersection of opportunistic mob families, sleazy producers, washed-up Hollywood types, coke-addled starlets, and closeted homosexual Scientologists, would make for an awesome Elmore Leonard story.

"TURN IT SIDEWAYS!"

Troubling news out of Sundance today, friends. It seems that Channing Tatum’s film The Son of No One has been met with less than stellar reviews. In fact, people walked out of its very important screening, including a number of studio execs. There’s just no respek in this Hollywood game these days.

The film, about a young cop (Tatum) who finds himself embroiled in controversy that could tear his family apart, features heavy star power, including Ray Liotta, Al Pacino, Katie Holmes and Tracy Morgan, which indicates that there should still be a demanding market for Son, despite people crapping all over it yesterday.

C-walk out of my theater, Hollywood Reporter…

Though the theater wasn’t full, the room was crowded with acquisitions execs wanting an early look at the film. Reps from Samuel Goldwyn, Paramount, Summit, the Weinstein Co., Sony Pictures Worldwide Acquisitions Group, IFC Films, Morgan Creek, Screen Media, Miramax and Relativity made it into the theater by the film’s opening credits.

Some of them, however, were gone well before the end credits. In addition, enough regular audience members left early for one observer to describe it as an “exodus.”

Baloney. Pure baloney. I’m so angry right now that I could just cuss. But I won’t because I know that this movie is going to be a success. Even worse, I’m going to have to explain this to my good friend C-Tates, because he actually sent me this link with the following message:

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH BOYYYYYYYYY, C-TATES IS DA MUTHA F*CKIN’ BOMB, YO!”

Poor guy. At least the poster lists some of the more positive reviews…

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