D’Barkashaw Fur-guson is the cuddliest linedog in the league! He plays left cuddle. Protecting the blind side.

I’d barely finished reading the title of NextMovie‘s latest supercut, “Great Moments in Animal Sports,” when I knew it was worthy of a FilmDrunk post. I mean, could this be any more up our alley? Let’s be honest, I once wrote a fictional career retrospective about the guy who directed Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch. I once interviewed a guy solely because he had a split-second cameo in a movie about a chimp hockey player where he was doing this:

So yeah, I like to think I know my way around movies about animals playing sports. A dog doesn’t so much as put on a sweater in this town without me knowing about it.

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A couple weeks ago while writing up a Forgotten Classics post about 2001′s Most Vertical Primate, I accidentally happened upon THE BEST TWO-SECOND PERFORMANCE IN ALL OF CINEMA.  Through the magic of the internet, I was able to both identify and make contact with that performer, only hours later.  That performer is Canadian comedian Aubrey Tennant, and this is our interview.  We discuss monkeys’ distaste for blondes, dissing Anna Faris, and Aubrey’s motto: “No pain, no monkeys scoring goals.”  Enjoy:

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VINCE M.: Okay, so who are you? (And don’t be offended by this part, I mean, I know you played “Underwear Norseman” in Scary Movie but the ignorant lay person needs some background info).  How did you come to be involved with Most Vertical Primate?

AUBREY T.: I think this clip says everything about me. In 2000 I started working as an extra with some friends from high school. We were really into skateboarding and Tom Green and we wanted to cause as much trouble as we possibly could.  My first job was on the set of Scary Movie. We caused so much trouble, even mocking Keenan Ivory Wayans, that he asked me to do a speaking role as the Underwear Norseman.  Once I was given this endorsement there was no stopping me.

I did as much extra work as possible and stole as many scenes as I could. A few movies where I have other 2-second roles include; 40 Days and 40 Nights, starring me and Josh Hartnett, Stark Raving Mad starring me and Sean William Scott, Scary Movie starring me and Anna Faris, and Anti-Trust starring me and Ryan Philippe, just to name a few. The TV shows in which you can see me for two seconds include several episodes of Stargate SG-1, starring me and Macgyver, Higher Ground, starring me and Hayden Christiansen — my 2-second role in that is of a gay man touching the butt of another gay man — and Smallville, starring me and some no namers.

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So yesterday, I brought you the trailer for MVP: Most Vertical Primate, as part of my ongoing Forgotten Classics coverage.  Specifically, I identified the performance of airpunching guy, aka The Last Airpuncher, who, between the 4 and 6 second marks of the trailer, managed to steal the entire movie.  And even though I was too lazy to make a .gif animation myself, a kind soul named Ted was nice enough to do it for me.  And… it’s glorious.  He. Just. Keeps. Punching. The Air.  Look at him. He’s amazing.  He must be a method actor. He was probably doing that all week, suffering for his art in the way of dizziness and rotator cuff injuries.  Can anyone identify this fine thespian?  He must be singled out, and awarded the FilmDrunk metal of honor.  That’s right, I spelled it metal, and it wasn’t an accident.  Unlike your sister.  (*pushes a monkey in the goal, punches air*)