In retrospect, I don't get it either.

It’s not every day that Kris Kristofferson makes FilmDrunk, but then it’s not every day that Kris Kristofferson joins a 3D movie about a dolphin with a prosthetic tail from the director of Air Bud. It’s called A Dolphin’s Tale.  It stars Harry Connick Jr. as a marine biologist.  It just gets better and better.  This is the greatest film synopsis in the history of man kind:

“Dolphin” is inspired by the true story of a dolphin named Winter who was rescued off the Florida coast and taken in by the Clearwater Marine Aquarium. The movie version centers on an introverted, 11-year-old boy who befriends an injured dolphin who lost her tail in a crab trap. Through their bond and friendship, the boy motivates everyone around him to help save the dolphin by creating a prosthetic appendage. The mammal’s strong survival instincts become an inspiration to people with special needs.  [Reuters]

Last we heard of it, Morgan Freeman was in negotiations to play the doctor who creates the robotic dolphin tail. Kris Kristofferson will play the father of Harry Connick Jr.’s character, “a single father running an understaffed aquarium.”

I cannot. Wait. For this movie.  I pray to God that Kris Kristofferson will play Harry Connick Jr.’s estranged, disapproving, alcoholic father.

KRIS KRISTOFFERSON:  I thought I raised me a real son!  Then he had to go and die! Now look what I got: Dolphin Kisser M.D.!  I wish it was you died in that thresher accident, Harry Connick Jr.!

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Hollywood Reporter‘s story about McG’s latest project today was accompanied by this rollover ad celebrating the special edition DVD release of  Air Bud: Golden Receiver. Which is fitting, as McG makes movies the way dogs play football (excessive drooling and sh*tting).  Anyway, his latest project sounds great.  It’s from a script called This Means War which has been floating around since ’98.  Ahh yes, romantic comedies, they age like fine wine.

Bradley Cooper and Reese Witherspoon are attached to star in the tale of best friends who are also spies and fall in love with the same woman (Witherspoon). The men’s bond disintegrates, and their ensuing battle escalates.

*record scratch*

*mouth fart*

*dismissive wank*

*football to the groin*

Indie studio Cypress Moon has announced plans to make The Story of Bonnie and Clyde.  So who’ll replace Faye Dunaway and Warren Beattie?  Why, none other than Hilary Duff (who I’ve heard of but don’t know why) and Kevin Zegers, a veteran of four Air Bud movies (including Golden Receiver through Seventh Inning Fetch) AND a little film you might remember called MVP: Most Valuable Primate.

Tonya S. Holly will direct the film from her own script, which is a new adaptation rather than a remake of the 1967 classic. Holly began working on the project after reading old newspaper articles about the gangster pair in an abandoned house on her family’s property. [Variety]

That’s funny, I started writing this post after hearing about Tonya S. Holly from a hobo whose underwear I scrubbed clean behind the old planetorium.  Look, we already know you’re making a movie with Hilary Duff, just go ahead and say Wikipedia.  Holly is previously known for her work on When I Find the Ocean, and I shit you not this is the actual DVD cover.