The Robert Rodriguez-produced Predators (directed by Kontroll‘s Nimrod Antal) opens July 9th, and this is the newly-released international trailer.  This time around, the predators will be hunting the most dangerous game: Adrien Brody.  The humans have been dropped into some sort of space game preserve (which we know because A Brodes says “I think this is some sort of… game preserve”), so presumably, the Predators in this one will be the fat, white Texas predators that are too lazy for regular hunting and ride around in golf carts.  Aside from Adrien Brody, the assortment seems to be a Russian (former fighter Oleg Taktarov), an African, another white dude, Laurence Fishburne, Danny Trejo, and a Latin chick.  I applaud them for breaking up the usual stock-photo arrangement of two whites, a black, and an Asian.  Seriously, look at any college course catalog or bank poster: it’s always two whites, a black, and an Asian.  It’s like the John, Paul, George, and Ringo of stock photos.

Also, Danny Trejo plays “Cuchillo”, which means of course, “knife.”  Not to be confused with his other character, “Machete,” which means of course, “big knife.”  He should win the Oscar for stabbing people. And then he could fashion the trophy into a shiv and stab someone with it.

It seems like all the creature movie trailers hit around the same time, so I’m combining them into one post to create a new, horrifying monster that I will now go ass to mouth with.

The Human Centipede (The First Sequence)
Finally, the ass-to-mouth human centipede movie we’ve all been waiting for.  The short answer is that a German scientist connects the esophagus of one person to the anus of another to make three or four people share the same digestive tract like a centipede*.  Why does he do this, you ask?  Dude, have you ever met a German?  Oh sure, but my pitch for a Daisy Chain movie was “too graphic”.  Whatever, man, kids gotta learn. Anyway, Human Centipede gets a limited theatrical run at the end of this month.  Director Tom Six, a Dutchman making his first English-language feature, calls his film “100% medically accurate.”  I don’t know how you’d know that unless there was an honest-to-god, ass-to-mouth human centipede walking around out there.  That centipede’s name?  You guessed it, Danny Masterson. [Pajiba via Bloody-Disgusting]

Splice
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The other day brought a short teaser, but now (courtesy of IGN) we have the full trailer for Nimrod Antal’s Predators movie. As for the plot, we learn through expository dialogue that the characters are on a Predator-infested island to become some Dirty Dozen-style team of outlaws.

WHITE DUDE: I was supposed to be executed two days ago.
BRITISH GUY: And I was in combat.
AFRICAN DUDE: So was I.
LATIN CHICK WITH BRITISH ACCENT: Black Ops.
JAPANESE GUY: Yakuza.

Danny Trejo and Laurence Fishburne are there too, but don’t say why.  They must’ve cut that part out.  But I bet it went something like this:

FISHBURNE: I was… in The Matrix.
TREJO:  I was lowrideen, ése. I swear, even ask my cóusin.  Ju can’ prove notheen, puto. *chugs mezcal straight from the bottle, fires pistols up in the air*  Now eet’s a party, vatos!  Ayayayayayayay!

Because that’s how Mexicans are.

Robert Rodriguez showed off a two-minute sneak preview of Predators at SXSW recently, and now it’s online.  Rodriguez produced, but the directing work was actually done by Nimrod Antal.  We get to see a couple new things from the new version, namely a new Predator guy with an arm-knife dealie, a triceratops thing, and a disturbing lack of mega-jacked army dudes.  Who are these slack-jawed f*ggots?  Pff, next you’ll try tell me that having 24-inch biceps doesn’t help you shoot guns better.  Whatever, dude.  Also, is it just me, or has Laurence Fishburne has been on the Luke Wilson fat face diet?

“Take the blue pill, Morpheus, it will suppress your appetite.”

Opens July 9th. [via /Film]

(Your worst nightmare, butthorn)

Adrien Brody has agreed to take time out of his busy schedule of making out with black chicks to play the hero in Robert Rodriguez’ Predators movie.  He’ll play a “heroic mercenary who battles alien hunters,” according to Variety. A heroic, cerebral, glib, Jewish, mercenary, presumably.

Brody will star with Alice Braga, Danny Trejo [!], Walt Goggins, [old-school MMA-guy] Oleg Taktarov, Mahershalalhashbaz Ali, and Louiz Ozawa.

Hollywood Reporter adds:

Written by Rodriguez, Alex Litvak and Michael Finch, the script follows a group of elite warrior-types who are being hunted by members of a race of merciless alien trackers called Predators.
Brody is a man who ends up inheriting the mantle of leader and is known as a hunter of men. Topher Grace would play an accountant-type whose unassuming facade masks a dangerous serial killer.
Braga is the tough female killer. Ali is a man not afraid to die, Goggins is the loose canon [sic] of the group and Taktarov is a former Russian special ops agent.
Trejo, already cast, is Cuchillo, a hardened warrior with twin uzis strapped to his back.

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