The Oscars hosts have been officially announced, and it will be Steve Martin, hosting his third Oscars, paired with Alec Baldwin in his first.  It seems like an okay, if boring choice.  Until you read this:

The pairing of Mr. Baldwin and Mr. Martin comes with a self-referential twist: The two are cast as rivals for the affection of a character played by Meryl Streep in a romantic comedy, “It’s Complicated,” which is directed by Nancy Meyers and is set for release by Universal Pictures on Christmas Day. [NYTimes]

Oof.  I hope we aren’t choosing hosts by who has a movie to promote now.  But I’ll save the conspiracy theories for when we talk about how the CIA wanted to assassinate Kennedy with an AIDS monkey.  Truth is, these hosts are sorta meh, just like the Oscars itself is sorta meh.  I was excited back when Dave Letterman was set to host, just like I was excited when Chris Rock and Jon Stewart were set to host.  But what happened?  Not a lot.  It’s an impossible gig because you’re trying to make jokes about people on the night when they’re taking something that’s supposed to be fun super seriously.  The closest they ever got to spontaneity was when Chris Rock made a Jude Law joke and Sean Penn ran onstage to complain that he didn’t get to be on the committee that decided whether it was okay to tell a joke or not.  Bottom line, short of getting Tracy Morgan to host and letting him ad-lib stories from his childhood to introduce categories (seriously, make this phone call now), nothing all that interesting is going to happen.

According to Nikki Finke, who as far as I can tell is the only source for this, Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. were approached by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences about hosting this year’s Oscars as a duo, but turned them down.  Pretty disappointing, especially if RDJ was considering doing the whole show in blackface, as Billy Crystal used to do.  But you can hardly blame them for not wanting to take orders from this guy:

Read the rest of this entry »

Nikki Finke recently broke the news (accompanied by one of her always classy and humble ‘TOLDJA!’ headlines, of course), that Adam Shankman and Bill Mechanic would be producing the next Oscars telecast.  Nikki writes:

I consider it a good choice that bodes well for AMPAS new president Tom Sherak. Both Adam Shankman and Bill Mechanic are experienced movie people, and Shankman has the added benefit of current TV experience.

Is this bitch serious?  Let’s do a run through of the movies Adam Shankman directed and their accompanying rank on RottenTomatoes, shall we?

- The Wedding Planner, 16%
- A Walk to Remember, 27%
- Bringing Down the House, 34% (34%? Really?)
- The Pacifier, 21%
- Cheaper By the Dozen 2, 7%
- Hairspray, 91%
- Bedtime Stories, 24%

The one success is Hairspray, which was based on an already-successful play, which was in turn based on a cult-classic John Waters movie. And having seen the horrific nightmare fuel that is John Travolta in drag, I still wouldn’t watch that flick unless I got kidnapped by the Saw guy and it was either that or gouge out a testicle and eat it.  Oh, but he does have non-directorial credits, what were those again?

Read the rest of this entry »

This is a clip from So You Think You Can Dance when Adam Shankman was guest hosting — the dancing was so beautiful it made him cry, you see.  It’s related because Shankman, a former choreographer who went on to direct The Pacifier, Bringing Down the House, and Cheaper by the Dozen 2, has signed on to direct the screen version of the musical Rock of Ages, which he calls “Mamma Mia for dudes.”

The musical tells the story of a couple that meets at the Sunset Strip club Rock of Ages, falls in love and tries to stay together amid the rough and tumble rock lifestyle [?]. The cast finds reasons to belt out 80s rock anthems by Journey, Twisted Sister, Joan Jett, Bon Jovi, Pat Benatar and others.

“I had the best time of my life making `Hairspray’ and badly wanted another musical, and when I watched `Rock of Ages,’ I was struck by the fact that not only had much of the audience seen it more than once, every guy in the audience knew the words to the songs,” Shankman said. “I thought, `this is `Mamma Mia!’ for dudes.’”

Read the rest of this entry »

(Sorry, I didn’t have a picture of the actual screenwriter, and I just thought… oh nevermind.)

Folks, even with all the retarded crap I have to write about every day, it’s not often that I legitimately smack myself in the face whilst researching a story.  This was one of those stories.  It started with the news that Walden Media is producing Gene, a script from Randi Mayem Singer about… you guessed it, a male genie.  They call it “a modern take on the classic genie story.”  And in this context, I guess “modern” means that this time the genie’s not Shaq.  Now, if the name Randi Mayem Singer sounds familiar, it’s because she’s also responsible for:

• The Tooth Fairy, starring The Rock
• Big Momma’s House 3

But wait, it gets better!  Today I learned that she’s also working on — and gird your loins, because this may be one of the dumbest f’cking things I’ve ever had to type — a sitcom for The CW with Will and Jada Pinkett Smith called… M.I.L.F. and Cookies.  That’s right, “Mom I’d Like to F’ck and Cookies.”  If that doesn’t say family-friendly sitcom, I don’t know what does.  Description:

Read the rest of this entry »