“We came here to *fart noise* and kick ass and we’re all out of *record scratch*.”

Adam Sandler, Kevin James, David Spade, Rob Schneider, Chris Rock and the rest of the Happy Madison cronies are back for the sequel to my 2010 pick for the Worst Movie of the Year and, with the glaring exception of That’s My Boy, possibly the worst movie Sandler has ever made, Grown Ups. The trailer for Grown Ups 2 hit the web yesterday, and if you’re wondering how low the brow is for this alleged comedy, it takes roughly :53 for a deer to show up and piss on Sandler’s face.

For some reason – I’m assuming public torture – Lenny Feder and his crew have moved back to their hometown, and as they’re reminiscing about the good old days, they find themselves tormented by “Frat Boy Andy” (Taylor Lautner) and his bro (and eventual gay lover, if my Happy Madison research is correct) “Frat Boy Milo” (Milo Ventimiglia). If they don’t make at least one “farternity” joke, I will probably have a shock-induced stroke.

Read the rest of this entry »

Silent dog farts are THE WORST.

If you’ve read the headline, you know this week sees the DVD releases of both Hotel Transylvania as well as the latest Paranormal Activity flick, Paranormal Activity 4.  If you recognize the banner image, you also know that Seven Psychopaths hits DVD today as well.  Good for you.  Of course, there’s plenty of other flicks to talk about: there’s films with Bruce Willis and Tim Roth, and films about superheroes both well-known and unknown.  We’ve got films about ghosts and hitmen and terrorists and vampires, and even one about a little girl with the power to heal through touch.  All that and still more ghosts and vampires.  What an exciting week for DVD.

The DVDs:
Seven Psychopaths
Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 2
Hotel Transylvania
Paranormal Activity 4
The Cold Light Of Day
The Awakening
The Liability
All Superheroes Must Die
Hello I Must Be Going
Noobz
Heaven’s Door
Cherry Tree Lane
Citadel
The Rule Of Law
The Right To Bear Arms
Brides Of Sodom

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

Really like Bruce Willis, but don’t know which flick he’s in?  Continue reading to find out.  Can’t figure out which movies involve superheroes?  You know the drill: continue reading and you’ll get your answers. If you really aren’t all that curious about any of these flicks, feel free to click the link above and jump straight to this week’s Netflix suggestions, but really, how could you not be curious about Brides Of Sodom? Read the rest of this entry »

The Marvel Studios Universe is already expected to be quite busy in 2013 and 2014, with Iron Man 3 and Thor: The Dark World set for release in May and November (respectively), and Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Guardians of the Galaxy set for April and August of 2014. In between those major sequels and Avengers connector films, Marvel is also expected to roll out features for Ant-Man and The Inhumans. There are also still some sketchy rumors that Adam Warlock will be shoehorned somewhere, whether in his own film or as part of the Guardians of the Galaxy.

Of the films that already have release dates, though, Guardians is still the only one with a ton of questions around it, including “Who the hell is going to be in it?” Well, according to Latino Review, Wes Bentley, Chris Lowell and… *sigh* Cam Gigandet were the most recent to read for the centerpiece role of Peter Quill.

But that’s not the news that should concern Marvel fans. Not when Adam Sandler might be involved.

Read the rest of this entry »

“Hey, God’s laughing at us!”

If you ask me, there’s no greater way of branding a movie a failure than by including it in the annual FilmDrunk Worst Movies feature, but some more traditional people believe that the Razzies are actually the ultimate decider of cinematic disgust and scorn. Either way, it’s no secret that Hollywood produces some incredibly horrible movies each year, and many of them come from repeat offenders. Thankfully, the Razzies keep track of these miscreants and their horrible films so that we can hurl figurative feces in their direction each February.

The one glaring difference between my Worst Movies feature and the Razzies, though, is that while I have sworn to exclude Happy Madison films out of fairness to the other movies that were legitimately terrible, the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation thrives in its contempt for all things Adam Sandler. Sandler’s not alone, though, as the Razzies committee has quite a few recurring targets, and this year’s nominations are hardly going to shock you.

[Vince's Note: I hate the Razzies. The most impressive thing about the Razzies is that they've been around since 1981 and have yet to make a single interesting or ballsy nomination. I might respect them if I thought they actually watched a lot of movies and voted for their worst, but instead they just choose the movies that are most socially acceptable to hate and hope someone in the cast will show up to their dopey ceremony. What's the point?]

Read the rest of this entry »

After last year’s Worst Movies feature, I received feedback from some readers and Twitter folk about me possibly being “too negative” and “mean” when it came to criticizing films that I chose to watch for this annual hate crime report. Some people even pulled the “What movies have you written?” card, which is cheap because I can just turn around and ask what dog they’ve ever photoshopped a mustache on, and BOOM – argument over.

Hundreds, if not thousands, of films are made each year, and a lot of them are bad. That’s not just by my standards; that’s by the standards of the majority. I have never, in the several years that Vince has let me poison the quality of his website, proclaimed to be a critic. I am just a bro who likes watching movies, and I have a naïve innocence that lets me still believe that people in Hollywood care about making quality films. Then I watch Bucky Larson and that gullible side of me is shoved into a wood chipper.

So how, then, do I determine which of the many, many mainstream films that I have watched in 2012 are the absolute worst of the worst of the WORST? It’s a little pinch of common sense mixed with a dash of “Come on, that’s just f*cking awful”. But I also have some rules, and let’s review them now…

Read the rest of this entry »