Intrepid MMA reporter and my best Twitter pal Ariel Helwani had the chance to interview Steven Seagal yesterday, and as always, the old poonani-loving, Nobel Prize-deserving, sleeveless kimono-wearing, front-kicking, chicken killer did not disappoint (I meant Seagal there, in case that was unclear). First, he made sure to point out that welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre is good, but not great, which I’m sure has nothing to do with the fact that GSP’s action movie star to humor du jour is Van Damme, while Seagal himself has long been humored by middleweight champ Anderson Silva, who may fight GSP at some point in the nearish future, in the MMA equivalent of Pacquiao-Mayweather. (With Van Damme and Seagal in their respective corners to help stretch their groins and execute proper karate kicks, I’m sure).

“I think [GSP] is a really nice guy,” said Seagal. “I think he is a good fighter and a good martial artist. Would I call him great? No.
“One of the things that a master looks at when they look at a fighter is the history of the fighter. When you look at the history of the fighter, you look at their very best fights, their best work, and their worst. If you look at Anderson’s worst fights, they’re not bad. He still looks pretty good.”
“If you look at GSP’s worst fight, you look at the thing he did with Shields in Canada, that was atrocious. I think that is very telling. I just didn’t think the technique and the fighting skill was there in that instance. I also saw him after the fight and he wasn’t looking or feeling very well either, which does have some meaning. I think he got hurt in that fight and whether he dominated him or not, I just didn’t think he looked good.”

Silva had two atrocious fights against Thales Leites and Demian Maia, and almost got wrestle-f*cked to a decision against Sonnen, so that’s just stupid. But as crappy as Seagal’s logic is, I wouldn’t argue that GSP is on the same level as Silva either. Also, I’ve buried the lede: Seagal also says he’s willing to fight retired former light-heavy and heavyweight champ (and budding action star) Randy Couture “any time, any place.” Oh pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease, Dana White make this happen, this would be the best Christmas present EVER:

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