If this feels like it isn’t the first time you’re hearing about Aaron Sorkin maybe possibly writing a Steve Jobs biopic, it’s because it isn’t. The news first hit last month, when Jobs’ corpse was still warm, when Sony paid a million dollars for Walter Isaacson’s Jobs biography. After that, Aaron Sorkin famously told Isaacson that “a million dollars isn’t cool.” Okay, not really, but word was, Sony wanted Aaron Sorkin to adapt Isaacson’s book, presumably because he did such great work on Sony’s boring-ass adaptation of Moneyball. Sorkin hasn’t officially agreed yet, but he recently told an audience that he’s “strongly considering it.” After that, I like to imagine the thick breeze from the entire audience dismissively wanking in unison was enough to fog up Sorkin’s smart-guy glasses.

“Sony has asked me to write the movie and it’s something I’m strongly considering,” Sorkin told E! Online on Monday, Nov. 21 at the P.S. Arts Express Yourself event. “Right now I’m just in the thinking-about-it stages,” he said. “It’s a really big movie and it’s going to be a great movie no matter who writes it.”

“It doesn’t matter who writes it, you could hire a beagle in a tux.” Anyway, this next part of Hollywood Reporter’s piece is neither here nor there, but holy sh*t, you guys.

Following the news of Sony’s acquisition, The Hollywood Reporter asked veteran casting director Sharon Bialy who could embody Jobs in his older and younger years. Her suggestions: Ashton Kutcher, Andrew Garfield or Shia LeBeouf for young Jobs, and Keanu Reeves, Ralf Fiennes or Noah Wyle for older Jobs. [THR]

Let’s just stop and think for a second and try to imagine the world’s foremost visionary computer innovator being portrayed by ASHTON KUTCHER AND KEANU REEVES. I’m glad they identified her as a “veteran casting director,” because I’m pretty sure you could ask a schizophrenic vagrant in the midst of a Thunderbird freakout and get a better answer than Ashton Kutcher and Keanu Reeves. It might not make sense, but it’d make more sense than that.

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HURRRRR

Aaron Sorkin is the talented writer behind The Social Network and Charlie Wilson’s War (who seems juuuust this side of douchey), so when he showed up to an Emmy party with a broken nose, people were confused. Seeing as how one thing smarmy Hollywood types tend to avoid is physical confrontation. But not to fear, it turns out he just broke it while writing. Wait, what?

“I wish I could say I was in a bar fight,” Sorkin told the Ministry on Friday at the Emmy Awards’ performance nominees’ reception in West Hollywood, “but I broke my nose writing.”
Sorkin said he was working on a block of dialogue in the mirror when he accidentally head-butted himself. [LATimes]

Gary Busey once headbutted a monitor showing Looney Tunes, but only because he said he was “trying to get into character.” Anyway, for an industry veteran like Sorkin, you’d think these types of method-acting accidents would be behind him by now. It reminds me of the time Meryl Streep over exerted herself trying to master a dialect and ended up tearing a hammy, but that was early in her career. Likewise, Nic Cage has lost countless days of shooting to “wig neck.” These types of injuries are Hollywood’s dirty little secret.

Two years ago, Sony pulled the plug on a Brad Pitt-starring, Steven Soderbergh adaptation of Michael Lewis’ statisticky baseball book, Moneyball, just a few days before it was to begin shooting. Soderbergh had planned to shoot it in an “informal, documentary” style, which kind of makes sense, seeing as how the book is non-fiction.  But studios tend to be terrified of anything unconventional, so they brought in Capote director Bennett Miller and got a rewrite of the script from Aaron Sorkin, who’s brilliant at writing slick Hollywood stuff that’s just entertaining enough that you forgive it for not being very realistic (“How do I know you weren’t studying? Because you go to B.U.!“).  So that’s why now, instead of people talking about statistics like in the book, we see some old guy asking Brad Pitt “Who’s Fabio?” to illustrate how out of touch old baseball scouts are.  Oh well.  At least Sandra Bullock’s not teaching inner city blacks to play football.

"Pie?! There's no pieing in baseball!"

[hat tip: WithLeather]

Sorkin, Jackman, and Elfman, who sound like some sort of Cosplay porn version of Justice League, are working together on a Broadway musical about Houdini.  Hugh Jackman will play the lead, Aaron Sorkin will write the script, and Danny Elfman will compose the score.  Sources say Sorkin will draw his inspiration from the real life of Harry Houdini, and then add Hugh Jackman singing gay songs.

An impressive creative team has quietly assembled around the project, including playwright Aaron Sorkin, composer Danny Elfman, lyricist Glenn Slater, and director Jack O’Brien — and despite repeated delays, Elfman says work on Houdini is now well underway.
Next up is a first reading of the script, scheduled for January. After that, Elfman estimates that the show could open in early 2012 — though we wouldn’t be surprised to see it on Broadway even sooner if the reading goes well. [Popwatch]

I won’t pretend I understand musicals.  Maybe it would help if they stopped making musicals about absolutely anything.  But I am interested in the idea of Aaron Sorkin writing one.  Seems like Hugh Jackman’s major challenge will be his ability to carry a tune with the back-up singers constantly interrupting him to clarify something he sang three lines ago.

"Help, I cahn't escape from me collah, lol."

Before The Social Network came out, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg had vowed never to see it, dismissing it as a work of fiction and even going so far as to remove The West Wing from his favorite TV shows after he heard it was Social Net screenwriter Aaron Sorkin’s show.  But contrary to the movie, he’s not actually a super villain who lives in the penthouse of a clock tower with a hairless cat, he’s just a 20-something dude.  And what 20-something dude could resist seeing it if David Fincher made a movie out of his life?  Zuckerberg recently admitted to USWeekly that he’d taken his employees to a screening party, where they drank apple martinis like Justin Timberlake did in the movie.

Zuckerberg was asked about the difference between the movie and what he experienced while creating Facebook. “Where do you want to start?” he asked. Every shirt and fleece worn by the actor (Jesse Eisenberg) who played him was one he had actually worn, Zuckerberg said. The movie got a lot of stuff wrong and random details right, he said.
Reviewing the film thematically, Zuckerberg said it featured a girl who was not part of his real life. In the movie she dumped him, which, he joked, happened to him often. “They framed it as if I wanted to get girls or into some social institution,” Zuckerberg said. “I’ve been dating the same girl since before Facebook.” He concluded that the filmmakers “can’t wrap their head around the idea that someone might build something because they like building things.” [Yahoo]

I respect that Sorkin was able to write an entertaining movie about these dorks, but the fact that he still seems to think he was blowing the lid off a ring of woman-hating megalomaniacs makes him sound like a class-A Hollywood fart huffer.  Professor Appletini here is supposed to be a misogynist?  If I was Mark Zuckerberg, I’d be telling people “People can’t wrap their head around the idea that someone might build something because they like being KNEE-DEEP IN BUSTY TEENS!”  Then I’d flick my tongue at the interviewer like Gene Simmons and ride off on a high-speed cigarette boat, doing that “suck it” thing in between hip thrusts.  But fast cars and fast sluts are kind of my thing.