Frank Miller (above left, with Robert Rodriguez) is a graphic artist whose 300 and Sin City inspired the tone of at least three years worth of movie projects before he flamed out into one-dimensional self-parody (to say nothing of The Spirit, which is probably the best thing you could say about The Spirit). But while most people know him for his easily-imitated high-contrast grittitude, what most people don’t know is that he’s also a curmudgeonly asshole of the highest order. Here’s the screed against the Occupy Wall Street movement he recently posted on his official website, a piece of such pure, embittered crankitude that it makes post-9/11 Dennis Miller seem like a Gender Studies professor.

Everybody’s been too damn polite about this nonsense:
The “Occupy” movement, whether displaying itself on Wall Street or in the streets of Oakland (which has, with unspeakable cowardice, embraced it) is anything but an exercise of our blessed First Amendment. “Occupy” is nothing but a pack of louts, thieves, and rapists, an unruly mob, fed by Woodstock-era nostalgia and putrid false righteousness. These clowns can do nothing but harm America.
“Occupy” is nothing short of a clumsy, poorly-expressed attempt at anarchy, to the extent that the “movement” – HAH! Some “movement”, except if the word “bowel” is attached – is anything more than an ugly fashion statement by a bunch of iPhone, iPad wielding spoiled brats who should stop getting in the way of working people and find jobs for themselves.

“Populist movement, more like BOWEL movement, am I right?” -Frank Miller’s epitaph.

Oh don’t worry, it gets worse:
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As usual, me and the rest of the blog chutes are a little behind the local news, and as it turns out Dale Fout, the Texas theater A-hole who claimed whiplash because a woman tapped his shoulder and asked him to stop texting during a movie, already sat down for a follow-up interview with the Fort Worth Weekly. In his defense, Fout claims he never asked to press charges and only wanted an apology, and that he wasn’t the one who called the paramedics. And if you still think he’s a jerk, it’s probably because you’re a liberal and if you say something to his face he will punch you. A-PLUS FOR PR, DALE FOUT! YOU MUST BE A MARKETING CONSULTANT!

[Fout] was also offended by the way [Dave] Lieber [the writer of the original story] presented the story.
“Obviously the guy slanted the story because in all likelihood he’s a liberal,” Fout said.

“I mean, at the very least he sounds like a Jew.”

Lieber’s story makes it sound as if Fout called police and pressed charges, but Fout said all he wanted was an apology from Godwin.
Fout complained to a manager in the lobby. While doing so, a woman approached him to say she was a physical therapist. She looked at his neck and noticed a knot.
“Before I knew it here comes Emergency Medical Services and police,” Fout said. “The theater management said by law they had to do that.”
But Fout said he never asked police to press charges.
“The police came up and they’d already escorted her out and wrote her a ticket,” he said. “What am I supposed to do, ask the police not to do it? Are they going to listen to me? No. They’re going to do what they want to do.”

Oh I don’t know, maybe you could’ve not complained about your neck after a lady tapped you on the shoulder with a perfectly reasonable request, you big, blubbering vagina. Still, he seems to have charmed this new reporter.

I found Fout to be a blowhard, condescending at times, and difficult to like.

Oh, Dale Fout, you silver tongue! Keep using that world class charm!

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(More pics at WWTDD)

Squeaky-clean Will Smith often gets accused of acting “white”, but if his behavior on the Men in Black III set is any indication, he still loves huge trailers.  Sorry, that was a terrible joke.  The point is that Will Smith is an assh*le, and the other assh*les in the neighborhood aren’t happy about it.  The New York Post’s actual, Pulitzer-worthy caption? “GETTIN’ PIGGY WIT’ IT.”

The megastar has docked a gargantuan, double-decker moveable mansion for his “Men in Black III” shoot smack in the middle of SoHo — even though he’s renting a luxury apartment less than a mile away.
Clocking in at 1,150 square feet, the titanic trailer is larger than most two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartments in the city.
The specially designed ride, nicknamed “The Heat,” includes a lounge, a movie room with a 100-inch screen, marble floors throughout, offices for his assistants and writing staff, a large bedroom and all-granite bathroom. It measures about 53 feet long, has 22 wheels and weighs in at around 30 tons.
The gawdy creation is a product of Anderson Mobile Estates. With the push of a button it can double its height in just 30 seconds and sells for just under $2 million.
Inside, it features a full-service kitchen with arched windows, and matched-grain Italian cherrywood cabinetry.

I appreciate that, Tony. DON’T SLAM THE F*CKIN DOOR, TONY!

In the same neighborhood, Smith is renting a five-bedroom, 6.5-bathroom apartment for $25,000 a month on Bond Street.
“Everything about him is excessive,” said a broker who worked with him.
Initially, his rental budget was $100,000 — a month. He wanted a pool, and he did not want to share an elevator with normal people, the broker said. [NYPost]

Well his trailer certainly sounds a lot nicer than, say, your mom’s.  And he probably has to share it with fewer syphilitics.  My gosh, who would’ve guessed a guy who named one child after himself and one after his wife, who pushed them into each of his careers before they hit puberty, who only agrees to star in films where he can be the good guy, would be some kind of egomaniac, right?  This must be some kind of mistake.  Let’s all continue to praise his refreshing “swagger.”

If you haven’t been too busy reading juvenile movie blogs all week, you might have heard that Navy Capt. Owen Honors was recently fired as commander of the carrier USS Enterprise in the fallout from the release of some “raunchy”, “anti-gay” videos he made to entertain his “seamen” (sorry, one seamen joke, I couldn’t resist). Him being a budding filmmaker and all, I thought this story fell under our purview, so I’ve embedded a couple of the videos in question.  They’re pretty boring, sort of what you might expect if Michael Scott from The Office was a ship commander.  I’ve spent waaay more time than I would’ve liked watching these, only to see what was so offensive, and the worst thing I saw was a guy saying a “f*g clogged up the sh*tter!”  My stars, men aboard ship making jokes about gay sex and masturbation???  Tread not on my monocle, for in my surprise it has fallen.

One of the videos also spliced in a clip of Glenn Close, prompting her to release an OFFICIAL STATEMENT to say that she’s “distraught.”

A clip of Close from her 2006 tour of the warship features at the end of the video in question, which contains coarse language, anti-gay slurs, and jokes with homophobic overtones (in one sketch, Honors is seen in a bathing cap, trying to find an unoccupied shower, and discovering many same-sex shipmates lathering each other up). [*a sun bonnet is heard falling to the floor, the back of a white-gloved hand hits a forehead, writer faints* -Ed]

In a statement, Close said: “I am distraught that my image has been used to perpetuate something that I abhor. The cynical, unauthorized use of my image in this video is deeply offensive and insulting, and was the result of a seemingly innocent request made during a visit to an aircraft carrier over four years ago.” [EW]

For her to be this upset, I figured they must’ve dubbed over her voice with Mel Gibson’s or showed her pissing on a Holocaust memorial or something, but all a saw was a two-second clip of her sitting in the captain’s chair with a stuffed parrot in her lap. (it’s about four-fifths of the way through this video, but I promise, it’s nothing). Are these people serious?  Does no one remember the phrase “curse like a sailor?”  I always took that to mean we accepted a certain level of coarse language from guys cooped up in a ship full of other salty dudes for months at a time, but apparently inside jokes aboard ship are now held to the same standards of political correctness as Billy Bush’s Zac Efron interview.  I wonder if Glenn Close or her A-hole publicist actually watched the videos before they fired off an angry email, or if they just sort of skimmed it and took the content for granted, like they did with that Stepford Wives script.

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I’ve never been to France, but the French people I’ve met have generally been pretty nice, so when I make French jokes, it’s mostly because I’m amused by the English-speaking world’s irrational hatred of all things French. I mean, they have a stupid language that sounds like someone trying to lick my ear drum, but it’s certainly no more silly than Dutch. And I’ll take France over those arrogant, socks-with-sandal-wearing lesbian wannabes in Germany any day.  That said, congratulations, Xavier Beauvois, you are why people hate France personified.

CANNES, France – French director Xavier Beauvois has expressed support for detained filmmaker Roman Polanski by holding up a T-shirt emblazoned with Polanski’s name during a photo call at the Cannes Film Festival.

Beauvois is presenting his film “Of Gods and Men” at the French Riviera festival. He has called Polanski’s situation “Kafkaesque.” [AP]

It’s so true!  Remember when Gregor Samsa turned into a cockroach and then drugged and ass raped that little girl and had to live in his vacation home?  That was my favorite part.