On March 15th, Severin Films is releasing on DVD and Blu-Ray the 1983 cult classic BMX Bandits, which was basically the Surf Ninjas of its time. It was a film about stolen walk-talkies, radical bike tricks, and 80s synth-pop singalongs. But best of all, it starred a 16-year-old future Oscar winner in Nicole Kidman.  (For an added bit of trivia, it was directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith, director of Turkey Shoot, one of the most awesomely-terrible exploitation films you will ever see).

Here we see a 16-year-old Kidman, rocking a poodle perm and painted one-piece, looking like the flyest Fly Girl at Jazzercise (don’t laugh, that’s how you were conceived), discussing her role in the film.  She then introduces a clip which seems to pre-date the “BMX Joust” segment on Jackass by almost 20 years.  And if that weren’t radical enough, after that there’s a sing-along segment.  To be honest, I’m not sure whether it’s part of the film clip or just part of the show she’s on.  All I know is that the “singing kids wearing helmets” reaction shots are SIMPLY. AMAZING.  My God, they’re so wholesome, and so retarded-looking.  They’re like the special-ed tabernacle choir.

I wonder where they are now.  Probably dead.  Dingos got em.

Nowadays when people make movies for kids, they usually do it with an adult cast pandering embarrassingly to what they imagine to be a child’s sensibilities, or with androgynous young boys hand picked by pedophiles and made to sing and dance.  But back in ’86, some brave soul thought, Hey, why not just make a film noir about a woman-hating private dick, and have 8-year-olds play all the parts?  The result was Hawk Jones, and I don’t know why they don’t make more movies like this.  Check out the stick-figure chalk outline at the 1:45 mark.  Tell me that’s not freakin’ adorable.  The formula is fool proof.  The only thing that could ruin a movie like this?  You guessed it, Cam Gigandet.

[Thanks to EverythingisTerrible for finding this, Hawk Jones official site here]