Hey, guys, here’s your requisite “Brittany Murphy died” post, since I know people will keep asking me about it if I don’t say anything. It sucks when people die, but since I didn’t know this chick and everybody else on the internet has already covered this, I don’t really have any business writing about her. Otherwise I might say something like, “I didn’t know her personally, but I’ll always remember the way she licked her hand to moisten Eminem’s wiener when she boned him in the car factory in 8 Mile.“  (Love that movie, btw).

See?  Not very respectful.  But the other option is something totally insincere and phony like celebrity death coverage in the mainstream media.  Good job, there, local anchor, practice that tragedy face in the mirror.  And make sure you pause a couple beats before we transition to the segment about the water skiing squirrel.

Consider this a disclaimer that you shouldn’t look to people like me to sum up the life of a person I was aware of.  And when I say things like “I heard Brittany Murphy died having sex with Tiger Woods,” it’s not because I’m trying to be a prick, I’m just not good with tragedy.  (And who decided dead people wouldn’t want to have jokes written about them, anyway?  I know I would.)  Anyway, it’s a shame, she seemed nice.  But really, how the f-ck would I know.

Stella Artois recently financed several short films as part of their smooth originals/triple filtered films campaign – but don’t worry, the product placement is so subtle you almost don’t notice it.  The clip above is a parody of Die Hard 3, called Dial Hard, which imagines what Die Hard 3 would’ve been like if it was set in the 60s and European.  Inspector “Jean Meqlaine” answers a series of riddles from a mysterious woman named Simone (Simone says).  It’s more subtle than the football-to-the groin clips I normally post, but give it a chance, it’s pretty funny.  After the jump I’ve got 8 Kilometres, which turns Detroit rap battles into competitive beat poetry in French.  “Say bonjour to your wife, female canine.” 

They should’ve asked Terrence Howard to be in this.
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