It pains me to rip on Rolling Stone movie critic Peter Travers, because at one point he was probably my favorite critic. But somewhere around 2007-2008 he seems to have completely lost his mind (not that I blame him, decades of inhaling every sh*t balloon Hollywood fills will do that to a person). His propensity to repeat himself has already been well documented (“it sneaks up and floors you“), but even by Travers standards, this seems particularly egregious.

The 500 Days of Summer quote isn’t great, but taken on its own merits I might give it a pass. But what f*cking planet do you have to be from to call Eternal Sunshine “a smart, sexy, and seriously funny comedy?” That’s something your aunt would say about a Kate Hudson movie.

[Thanks to Tim for finding/making this]

Here’s a great supercut, The Many Deaths of Steve Buscemi. You forget how often the guy gets killed. He has to be one of the only actors around to have the distinction of having been killed on film by Christopher Lloyd. (He was also killed by Danny Trejo, but that hardly makes him unique, as an actor or a regular person).
Additional trivia: According to his Playboy interview, Buscemi actually pronounces his last name “boo-SEMMY”, not “boo-SHEMMY.” [via DonDraperSaysWhat]

MORNING LINKS
15 Alison Brie-Inspired Halloween Costume Ideas |Warming Glow|

Plots From The Unaired Season 8 of ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ Make Hilarious Tweets |Gamma Squad|

Drinking is Bad for You. Pictures of Beautiful Celebrity Women Holding Alcoholic Drinks Are Not. |UPROXX|

1st Twilight Breaking Dawn Clip, with Captions |Film Drunk|

Picture via Nerviosismo

Behold: The 44-Year Old Horrifying Stomach Spinkick Of Doom |With Leather|

Coroner: Amy Winehouse Died From “Too Much Alcohol” |Smoking Section|

Hot Chicks with Butthead Gums |Buzzfeed|

Our boy Oliver made a new video for |BroBible|

Where do strippers make the most money? Williston, North Dakota. |HolyTaco|

12 Absurd Boxer Shorts That Will Guarantee You Never Seal the Deal With a Woman |The Smoking Jacket|

My 10 Favorite Halloween-Themed TV Episodes. NO OBJECTIONS |Pajiba|

Monthly fail compilation, October edition. |GorillaMask|

Snooki “wrote” another book. |TheSuperficial|

The nine best scenes of people killing defenseless animals. |ScreenJunkies|

Just who the hell is Sadie Hawkins and why does she have her own dance? (You know who else has their own dance? Humpty). |MentalFloss|

Johnny Depp goes after Ricky Gervais for his Golden Globes jokes. Luckily it’s all for show. |TheDailyWhat|

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(“What a coincidence, I’m a twee intellectual!”)

Hey, gang, here’s a new segment in which I review movies you might see on an airplane.  Because that’s where I saw them, get it?  And just in time for the holidays, right?  I thought so.  Anyway, this is longer and more thorough than the rape jokes you’re used to, so consider yourself warned.

Marc Webb is a pretty damn good director, there’s no question about that.  Every shot is artfully done and well executed, and there are some memorable scenes — namely, Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s song and dance number set to Hall & Oates’ “You Make My Dreams Come True”, after he lays pipe on Zooey Deschanel for the first time.  The scene is sort of a microcosm of Webb’s style: it’s kind of cheating, because that’s a catchy-ass song (and Webb relies heavily on catchy-ass songs in almost every scene); but it’s fun and it looks great.  Much as I despise musicals, I might like them if people could do them more like this scene.  The number makes sense in the context of the story, the music is good, and no one makes that horrible, awful, very bad musical theatre fake smile like the Legally Blonde Billboard I wanted to dynamite for two years.

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This is the video for Weezer’s new single, “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To”, which is FilmDrunk worthy because it was directed by (500) Days of Summer director Marc Webb — presumably they bonded over shared love of unnecessary parentheses. I keep meaning to see that movie, which I’ve heard is good.  Though you know it’s a hipster movie when the cast includes actors named “Zooey,” “Chloe,” and “Geoffrey,” and the lead has a hyphen in his surname.  For his part, Matt at WarmingGlow has seen it and describes it as “twee as f-ck, but good.”

Anyway, what the hell happened to Weezer?  They used to be one of my favorite bands and I even kind of enjoyed a couple songs on Maladroit, but not only is this song not good, what in God’s name is Rivers singing about?  Excerpted lyrics:

You told me stories, about your chickadees, they didn’t like bb guns or stupid archery. Chump of lifeguard, he let them use the pool all day for free.
I took you to Best Buy, you took me home to meet your mom and dad.  Your mom cooked meat loaf, even though I don’t eat meat…

WOOF.  Try turning that in in your high school poetry class.  The teacher would laugh at you.  And imagine getting laughed at by someone who teaches poetry.

500 Days of Summer has a new trailer out, and amazingly, they made it look like something I’d want to see.  Funny how replacing mom pants and a scene blatantly ripped from Garden State (and might I add it was the worst scene) will do that to a trailer.  Now we’ve got an anal sex joke, Hall & Oates, and my all-time favorite, the record-scratch sound effect.  A record scratch says WHOA, STOP THE PARTY, CHEECH, THIS STORY ISN’T PLAYING OUT HOW I’D PLANNED!  YOU’VE SUBVERTED MY EXPECTATIONS AGAIN, YOU CRAZY KIDS! OH NO, HIJINKS!

Zooey Deschanel is really hot.  She’d be even hotter if she didn’t dress like sex was something she read about in the New Yorker.

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