If you’ll remember, back in May I posted the above picture of 50 Cent looking like LL Cool J’s corpse after he’d lost 60 pounds for a movie role. Must’ve been a pretty important role, right? Turns out it was to play “a college running back with a fierce combination of blazing speed and stunning power” who is stricken with cancer. 50 stars in a Mario Van Peebles film called Things Fall Apart, and today we have the trailer, and it is the most shockingly record-scratch-free trailer I’ve ever seen. It begins with the voiceover line:
“Deon Barnes had it all….until LIFE got in the way.”
And then… NOTHING. Do these people know NOTHING of movie trailers? “Billy Squidbuckets was just your average every-day dude, until ONE DAY, (*RECORD SCRATCH*) a wise old badger changed EVERYTHING.” THE RECORD SCRATCH IS THE KEY! THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW THERE’S A PLOT REVERSAL! That’s how it’s been done since the beginning of time, probably! It’s 50 Cent! Playing a football player with cancer! The record scratch should be the FIRST STEP! The first line of the shooting budget! Create a Kickstarter page if you have to! A 50 Cent movie with no record scratch? My God, it’s like everything I thought I knew about rap is wrong.